its my first book(not really ive tried writing before but i get lazy and stops)
An honest opinion please! or a proffesional one?
I dont know how to make it longer T-T painstakingly nor more detailed. hoowww! its sort of fantasy. Yes i think i have a little boy fetish,,, but not sexually (not yet... just kidding!!!)
Wait... i think a childhood fetish. nvm! honest opinion! or advise or critic or all 3 of them!
START:
Chapter 1
He ran , escaping the nagging his mother has been giving upon him. He stole the butter milk cookie, the one his mother told that it must be ‘on display’ for the visitors. He felt a pit in his stomach, he knew he is doing wrong yet he still continues.
He was a beautiful boy. Every adult told him so, even his mother. He has no sibling, when one time he asked if he can have a brother or a sister his mother simply told him ‘ I’m too busy hunny’ . His father, a busy mailman, is always out, He goes to work early and goes back home late. The boy always looked for someone to play with, but with every one busy around him that thought seemed impossible. The kids in the town was far. They lived far away from there, where everything was grassy and green. They had a tiny barn with atleast half a dozen chicken,two cows and three pigs. His mother is the one who takes care of the barn everyday.. He helps feed the chickens and pigs, but is afraid of the cows because they might step on him. They sold some animals in there, which the boy would delightfully come with her or his father to the trip to town, sometimes he would ride at the back of the animals or walk beside it. He would meet some kids in town while they were at the market. And if by chance, they would play for a little while before the barn animals would be sold.
One day or maybe a week ago, when they were heading to town to sell a pig (a pig which he named Pink-ron ,he was thinking about robots while he was feeding this pig) with his father. He have met a boy. He thought he looked silly, but having gotten bored of waiting for a customer he said ‘Hello’ to the boy. The boy he met said his name was Tommy, which he thought suited him a lot. In all accounts of all the visits to town he has gotten he thought Tommy was the most fun and the most weird.
Tommy said a lot of stories. He said, when he was going to school ( the boy asked what school was, because he was homeschooled and Tommy said ‘It is the place where you are supposed to learn something important but isnt at all so important at all’ the boy said ‘huh?’ and Tommy replied, ‘ It is the most useless place in the world.’) he saw a dead bird on the tracks. When Tommy came over to investigate. Tommy said that he saw the bird had teeth and said it was the whitest teeth he had ever seen. Tommy said, it looked exactly like human teeths
“How did it fit its beaks”
“I dont know but I was certain it was human teeths”, Tomme showed of his incomplete set of teeth after he said that, for emphasis.
But the story which the boy was most intrigued was when Tommy said about a story when he was running around town picking up special looking stones or twigs, which Tommy’s mother would always get angry when Tommy brings it home. This time , He, Tommy, Saw a special looking stone. Tommy said it had the color he had never seen before. It was a special color, Tommy said. Tommy bet it was never been named before.
“It was out of this world”, Tommy quoted
“Really?”
“Really.”
So the boy who got excited hearing the story of the colored stone got dissapointed because he wanted to see. The boy asked ‘ Where is it?’. Tommy frowned and made a squashed up face and said, ‘My mother threw it away’. ‘Didn’t your mother think the stone was special?’. ‘I don’t know adults are weird, whatever we think are special isn’t so special to them.’ The boy just had to agree with that statement but with dissapointment still in his eyes.
When the boys’ Father was calling him to get home. The boy was so sad that he was going to leave his new friend. He asked ‘ When can I meet you again?’. Tommy told him, ‘ I am always at the hill’. The boys face was filled with suprise. But before he can ask Tommy why, his father already grabbed his hand. The boy waved his hand at Tommy and mouthed his good byes.
End of chapter one
i know its short .
An honest opinion please! or a proffesional one?
I dont know how to make it longer T-T painstakingly nor more detailed. hoowww! its sort of fantasy. Yes i think i have a little boy fetish,,, but not sexually (not yet... just kidding!!!)
Wait... i think a childhood fetish. nvm! honest opinion! or advise or critic or all 3 of them!
START:
Chapter 1
He ran , escaping the nagging his mother has been giving upon him. He stole the butter milk cookie, the one his mother told that it must be ‘on display’ for the visitors. He felt a pit in his stomach, he knew he is doing wrong yet he still continues.
He was a beautiful boy. Every adult told him so, even his mother. He has no sibling, when one time he asked if he can have a brother or a sister his mother simply told him ‘ I’m too busy hunny’ . His father, a busy mailman, is always out, He goes to work early and goes back home late. The boy always looked for someone to play with, but with every one busy around him that thought seemed impossible. The kids in the town was far. They lived far away from there, where everything was grassy and green. They had a tiny barn with atleast half a dozen chicken,two cows and three pigs. His mother is the one who takes care of the barn everyday.. He helps feed the chickens and pigs, but is afraid of the cows because they might step on him. They sold some animals in there, which the boy would delightfully come with her or his father to the trip to town, sometimes he would ride at the back of the animals or walk beside it. He would meet some kids in town while they were at the market. And if by chance, they would play for a little while before the barn animals would be sold.
One day or maybe a week ago, when they were heading to town to sell a pig (a pig which he named Pink-ron ,he was thinking about robots while he was feeding this pig) with his father. He have met a boy. He thought he looked silly, but having gotten bored of waiting for a customer he said ‘Hello’ to the boy. The boy he met said his name was Tommy, which he thought suited him a lot. In all accounts of all the visits to town he has gotten he thought Tommy was the most fun and the most weird.
Tommy said a lot of stories. He said, when he was going to school ( the boy asked what school was, because he was homeschooled and Tommy said ‘It is the place where you are supposed to learn something important but isnt at all so important at all’ the boy said ‘huh?’ and Tommy replied, ‘ It is the most useless place in the world.’) he saw a dead bird on the tracks. When Tommy came over to investigate. Tommy said that he saw the bird had teeth and said it was the whitest teeth he had ever seen. Tommy said, it looked exactly like human teeths
“How did it fit its beaks”
“I dont know but I was certain it was human teeths”, Tomme showed of his incomplete set of teeth after he said that, for emphasis.
But the story which the boy was most intrigued was when Tommy said about a story when he was running around town picking up special looking stones or twigs, which Tommy’s mother would always get angry when Tommy brings it home. This time , He, Tommy, Saw a special looking stone. Tommy said it had the color he had never seen before. It was a special color, Tommy said. Tommy bet it was never been named before.
“It was out of this world”, Tommy quoted
“Really?”
“Really.”
So the boy who got excited hearing the story of the colored stone got dissapointed because he wanted to see. The boy asked ‘ Where is it?’. Tommy frowned and made a squashed up face and said, ‘My mother threw it away’. ‘Didn’t your mother think the stone was special?’. ‘I don’t know adults are weird, whatever we think are special isn’t so special to them.’ The boy just had to agree with that statement but with dissapointment still in his eyes.
When the boys’ Father was calling him to get home. The boy was so sad that he was going to leave his new friend. He asked ‘ When can I meet you again?’. Tommy told him, ‘ I am always at the hill’. The boys face was filled with suprise. But before he can ask Tommy why, his father already grabbed his hand. The boy waved his hand at Tommy and mouthed his good byes.
End of chapter one
i know its short .