...The hate, despair, sadness, depression, stress, sorrow, anxiety, etc breed within me, consume me and not committing suicide? SERIOUSLY, NOT A JOKE...
Will i finally get fully emotionally numbed?
I have these things since i don't remember when, it looks like i'm developing something within me.
First "stage" SO MUCH time ago my grandmother's mother (which i hardly ever visited) died, i didn't mind (i believed it was 'cause i hardly ever saw her),
Second "stage" almost all the time i can remember, i was constantly depressed and sad, videogames, tv or music made it disappear, but sometimes i used to lay down in my bed sleeping all day.
Third "stage" Sometimes i used to get bored with videogames and music, i used to think about suicide (hardly ever).
Fourth "stage" i started to hate some people without reason (i still do sometimes) i lost interest in holidays (i used to love day of the dead (i'm mexican), halloween, Christmas, etc) now, "just one more day in my shitty life", the same with any walk, trip or anything, i didn't enjoy it, it finishes and i started to feel nostalgic, not anymore, neither.
Fifth "stage" WWE started to get transmitted here in my country like about a year or 2 ago (i'm one of those people who believe it's real) i used to react normally to everything (a heel insults i used to get mad hahaah) (a wrestler get hurt os happened a disgrace to him i used to worry), since some months ago this started to gradually dissapear, today, i see Cena convulsing or getting beated or any other disgrace, me "Bah!" their problem, the same with news.
Sixth "stage" i believe in ghosts but i don't get scared easily (neither with movies), but some time ago a weird intense darkness fear awoke in me.
Seventh "stage" Lately my creativity is disappearing too, i'm getting gradually more numbed towards my mother (which i love) and family i don't hate (i have my reasons to do it), my love for my pets too is fading.
Eight "stage" I'm loosing interest in tv, videogames, and movies (now i hardly ever see tv, wwe included, i used to LOVE the simpsons, now i only wtch them over internet hardly ever or play videogames, and i have LOTS of dvd i haven't seen), about music, i used to love 80 and 90 music, and relaxing, and classic and almost all genres, now the only music that only makes me feel good is Electronic, Metal and Grunge and videogames, but just a moment.
Ninth "stage" This girl i met is playing with me (http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20101214222049AAdl3EX) and since then my life is going to the abyss even faster, and thanks to her, since thursday i developed a new symptom i feel my breath really hot when i'm stressed (sometimes all day and feel like dizziness and really awful).
Why nobody knows about it? I'm really good hiding my true self...
I want to know if i'll get numbed or my good self will disappear, leaving my evil side, i'm sick of hiding my true self from everyone, i want to be cold as ice and let my instincts arise, no more mr. mockery of people (especially from my crush).
This is the girl i talked about: http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=An1y6hK6IKQ6dR9pAQE3kmXsy6IX;_ylv=3?qid=20101214222049AAdl3EX
Will i finally get fully emotionally numbed?
I have these things since i don't remember when, it looks like i'm developing something within me.
First "stage" SO MUCH time ago my grandmother's mother (which i hardly ever visited) died, i didn't mind (i believed it was 'cause i hardly ever saw her),
Second "stage" almost all the time i can remember, i was constantly depressed and sad, videogames, tv or music made it disappear, but sometimes i used to lay down in my bed sleeping all day.
Third "stage" Sometimes i used to get bored with videogames and music, i used to think about suicide (hardly ever).
Fourth "stage" i started to hate some people without reason (i still do sometimes) i lost interest in holidays (i used to love day of the dead (i'm mexican), halloween, Christmas, etc) now, "just one more day in my shitty life", the same with any walk, trip or anything, i didn't enjoy it, it finishes and i started to feel nostalgic, not anymore, neither.
Fifth "stage" WWE started to get transmitted here in my country like about a year or 2 ago (i'm one of those people who believe it's real) i used to react normally to everything (a heel insults i used to get mad hahaah) (a wrestler get hurt os happened a disgrace to him i used to worry), since some months ago this started to gradually dissapear, today, i see Cena convulsing or getting beated or any other disgrace, me "Bah!" their problem, the same with news.
Sixth "stage" i believe in ghosts but i don't get scared easily (neither with movies), but some time ago a weird intense darkness fear awoke in me.
Seventh "stage" Lately my creativity is disappearing too, i'm getting gradually more numbed towards my mother (which i love) and family i don't hate (i have my reasons to do it), my love for my pets too is fading.
Eight "stage" I'm loosing interest in tv, videogames, and movies (now i hardly ever see tv, wwe included, i used to LOVE the simpsons, now i only wtch them over internet hardly ever or play videogames, and i have LOTS of dvd i haven't seen), about music, i used to love 80 and 90 music, and relaxing, and classic and almost all genres, now the only music that only makes me feel good is Electronic, Metal and Grunge and videogames, but just a moment.
Ninth "stage" This girl i met is playing with me (http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20101214222049AAdl3EX) and since then my life is going to the abyss even faster, and thanks to her, since thursday i developed a new symptom i feel my breath really hot when i'm stressed (sometimes all day and feel like dizziness and really awful).
Why nobody knows about it? I'm really good hiding my true self...
I want to know if i'll get numbed or my good self will disappear, leaving my evil side, i'm sick of hiding my true self from everyone, i want to be cold as ice and let my instincts arise, no more mr. mockery of people (especially from my crush).
This is the girl i talked about: http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=An1y6hK6IKQ6dR9pAQE3kmXsy6IX;_ylv=3?qid=20101214222049AAdl3EX