Please excuse the typos and stuff. i have not edited it properly yet. Im aiming my novel of young adult/adult readers so would like it if people aged 17 and up could answer please. This scene in my story os when my main character becomes a vampire. I wanted to make it an enjoyable experience rather than the usual horror and pain of being biten by a vampire, so decided to include it in a sex scene. Im just wondering if this scene is too much or too little. Im not sure how far i can go with the discription. Any advice would be appreciated.
I lay in my bed, thinking about Soren, wondering what he was doing, if he was thinking of me. I looked outside, I night was brighter than usual, the moon light shone causing a soft icy glow. It was cold tonight and no matter what I did, I was unable to get warm. I noticed my window was open, I leaned across the bed to close it. Just then a hand reached through a grasped my wrist. I screamed and tugged my arm away but the grip was firm. When he popped his hand through the window I realized that it was just my Soren.
“You scared me.” I gasped with a big smile on my face.
“Sorry” he laughed, climbing in through the window.
He had been hunting for 3 days, I hadn't expected him back for at least another 4 days. It was a welcomed surprise.
He reached his lips towards mine and passionately kissed me.
“Wow, what is that for?” I giggled.
He gave me a crooked grin and replied.
“I've missed you!” His voice was so fluid, so deep and full of suggestion.
He let go of my wrist and thrust me back onto the bed, his tender lips embracing mine. I couldn't help but giggle under them, this was so sudden, so unexpected. He began to kiss gently down my chin and to my neck, I could feel his fangs gently grazing the surface of my skin. It didn't hurt, in fact it felt amazing. He slowly made his way back up to meet my lips. He pulled away and gazed into my eyes.
“Are you ready for this?” He whispered. His breath was so cool and smelt so sweet. I nodded, I was absolutely ready for this.
He made his way down my body, kissing and caressing every inch of my skin. He pulled my blue nightie up and over my head as he made his way back up my body before kissing me again and settling between my legs. I relaxed into the bed, his lips moving more intensely on mine. One of his hands settled behind my head, tangling in my soft Red curls. The other swept around my back and pulled me tightly against his body.
“Are you sure about this?” He moaned as he began gently sucking my neck.
“Yes” The word lingered just as I managed to get it out.
He began sucking a bit harder, kissing and caressing my neck with his lips. Then I felt a sudden sharp sting, then a rush of euphoria. My eyes rolled with pleasure. I began writhing in the bed as he moved on top of me. I bit my lip and then let a soft moan escape. His venom passing through my veins caused an endorphin surge. The pleasure was unbearable, perhaps better than the sex itself. My body suddenly became heavy, yet I felt as though I were floating. The feeling was amazing as I slowly drifted into a silent darkness.
Geniune helpful answers only please. Any stupid and nasty posts will be reported.
If anyone could also offer constructive suggestions id appreciate it also. If you dont like a part, add a "what if..." to your answer. I appreciate the feedback thanks
I lay in my bed, thinking about Soren, wondering what he was doing, if he was thinking of me. I looked outside, I night was brighter than usual, the moon light shone causing a soft icy glow. It was cold tonight and no matter what I did, I was unable to get warm. I noticed my window was open, I leaned across the bed to close it. Just then a hand reached through a grasped my wrist. I screamed and tugged my arm away but the grip was firm. When he popped his hand through the window I realized that it was just my Soren.
“You scared me.” I gasped with a big smile on my face.
“Sorry” he laughed, climbing in through the window.
He had been hunting for 3 days, I hadn't expected him back for at least another 4 days. It was a welcomed surprise.
He reached his lips towards mine and passionately kissed me.
“Wow, what is that for?” I giggled.
He gave me a crooked grin and replied.
“I've missed you!” His voice was so fluid, so deep and full of suggestion.
He let go of my wrist and thrust me back onto the bed, his tender lips embracing mine. I couldn't help but giggle under them, this was so sudden, so unexpected. He began to kiss gently down my chin and to my neck, I could feel his fangs gently grazing the surface of my skin. It didn't hurt, in fact it felt amazing. He slowly made his way back up to meet my lips. He pulled away and gazed into my eyes.
“Are you ready for this?” He whispered. His breath was so cool and smelt so sweet. I nodded, I was absolutely ready for this.
He made his way down my body, kissing and caressing every inch of my skin. He pulled my blue nightie up and over my head as he made his way back up my body before kissing me again and settling between my legs. I relaxed into the bed, his lips moving more intensely on mine. One of his hands settled behind my head, tangling in my soft Red curls. The other swept around my back and pulled me tightly against his body.
“Are you sure about this?” He moaned as he began gently sucking my neck.
“Yes” The word lingered just as I managed to get it out.
He began sucking a bit harder, kissing and caressing my neck with his lips. Then I felt a sudden sharp sting, then a rush of euphoria. My eyes rolled with pleasure. I began writhing in the bed as he moved on top of me. I bit my lip and then let a soft moan escape. His venom passing through my veins caused an endorphin surge. The pleasure was unbearable, perhaps better than the sex itself. My body suddenly became heavy, yet I felt as though I were floating. The feeling was amazing as I slowly drifted into a silent darkness.
Geniune helpful answers only please. Any stupid and nasty posts will be reported.
If anyone could also offer constructive suggestions id appreciate it also. If you dont like a part, add a "what if..." to your answer. I appreciate the feedback thanks