what are some halarious jokes? no too long?

i don'tt know if this is funny to you, but when i first heard it, it was hilarious, you have to say it in like a southern accent.

Okay, here it goes...

so a flatlander goes up to a farmer and says "hey, does your dog bite?" and he says "nope" so the flatlander bends down to pet the dog and the dog turns around and bites him! "WOAH!! thats funny i thought you said your dog doesnt bite!!!" and the farmer says "That ain't my dog"
 
disabled swimmers were entering a race
paddy 1-he had no arms just legs
paddy 2-he had 1 arm i leg
paddy 3 -he was just a head
the gun shot they began the head sunk and paddy 2 came first
they fished out paddy 3, and he said, this is Sh!t all that training for them D!ck heads to put a swimming cap on me

(cuz they cover ears)
 
An elderly gentleman with a very attractive young lady on his arm walk into a jewelry store.

The old man asks to look at some expensive rings, and the dealer shows him some rings around the $5,000 range.

"No, that won't do...bring out the good stuff," says the old man.

The dealer brings out a fabulous ring, beautifully set with diamonds and emeralds, and states it's $40,000!

The young girl trembles with anticipation and her eyes flutter with amazement at the beauty of this ring as she tries it on.

"I'll take it," says the old man.

"And how will you be paying?" asks the dealer.

"By check," says the old man...."and I know you have to wait till Monday to make sure the check clears, and after which, I'll stop by late Monday afternoon to pick up the ring."

"Very good sir," replies the dealer.

Monday afternoon comes and the old man receives a phone call...

"Sir, your account has insufficient funds for payment of the ring," says the dealer.

"Yeah, I know," says the old man, "But let me tell you about my weekend!"
 
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