well i need good advice and who ever is reading this please do not judge me!!!?

[Sammy A]

Well i live in a pretty bad area of east london my life has always been ruff i grew up with out a dad ive been through ,social services , prison , done drugs been beat up etc ive never really been a good student through out my life i was always an under Achiever in primary school and secondary school its not because i was bad in school or too dumb its just that i feel like i wasn't helped enough. growing up for some reason i was always interested in the gang life culture i don't know why but i always was and a about two years ago my life dramatically changed when i got into beef with a millionaire drug dealer in my hood and two of my goods Friends where stabbed up to the point that they almost died as a result in retaliation. but any way i am now 18 and i feel like im about to hit a major cross road in my life because if i do continue to live this life of crime it will only bring stress and allot of problems to me and my family its not the fact that i am scared or anything (believe me i ain't) im just seeing what lies ahead with my lifestyle and i want to change it but i don't know how i want to finish of my Business studying but road life keeps pulling me back i cant talk to my Friends about this because they would automatically call me pussy and they thrive this lifestyle so much but i love my Friends so much that if i leave them i will feel like a traitor and they will feel the same then i will now become the public enemy but they don't wanna understand me and we have been through to much as a team for me to leave i just dont know what to do. what would u do if you where in my shoes? its like catch 22