We don't know what to do and we are dying inside. Our Son and Daughter in Law...

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Karnak

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...want us to wait six weeks.? We need some resolution now. Our Son and DIL are actually moving 1000 miles closer to us and now they want nothing to do with us. This job transfer closer to us should make us the happiest parents on earth. They will be a three hour drive away. We have no idea what the problem is. We did have some issues at Christmas 2007 but that appeared to be resolved. We have had several visits since. My son asked us to wait until after they move so that we can start over again. We can visit 3 weeks after they and the two boys are "settled in with a routine". Apparently we are not allowed to enjoy all that goes with building a new home, and help in any way with moving in. Our family and friends here cannot understand this. We have been nothing but helpful to them since they were married. I want to fly to their place asap to deal with this. My wife wants to keep our distance for fear we may never see them again. It has been suggested that they may be dealing with marital problems of their own. We did get along with our DIL. She did throw a couple of hissy fits when we have visited but it had nothing to do with us. We miss our grandsons. We haven't even Skyped with them for a long time. Her parents and friends get to drop in. Why can't we ? My Son seems like he is caught in a tough situation. If he thinks he is in a difficult sitation now, how will he feel if his parents break up over this or consider suicide ? My wife got some stronger drugs from our GP and so trys to sleep most of the day. I can't take this much longer. At my age 61, I need to find some peace and routine in my own life. Should we try to carry on for six weeks or go there now and seek resolution ?
This may be hard to believe, but 30 seconds after I pressed the send button, my Son phoned. He made us feel better, he said it was not us, its the pressure on their end. She is moving 1000 miles away from her family and with a new baby and all the stress is great. Her family does not have the resources to visit as often and this is beginning to sink in a bit. He said that we should be able to get a normal relationship. I floated the idea that maybe we might visit on a roughly six week basis, and he thought that sounded reasonable. I floated the idea that if they were to go on vacation would it be likely that they might ask us to stay with the kids. He said that any vacations they take in the near future probably would involve the whole family going back east or down to Disney World and such. But it would be possible that when they get to the point where they need us to stay with the kids for a week or so that there should be no reason why not. I will now read your responces carefully.
 
To be honest, the mere utterance of the words suicide or marriage breakup between you and your wife over the relationship with your son and DIL signals you both probably have some mental issues. Sounds to me like there is more to this story than just a little family argument back in December of 07 and you are not willing to be honest about it......I think you need to take a step back and analyze the relationship between you and your son and his family. How much meddling in their lives have you and your wife done? Really be honest here......if I could boldly gander a guess, I think you guys have some unresolved emotional issues to deal with. I think you 2 have been a problem in your son and daughter in laws life for quite some time such as not wanting to let them live their lives and always having to stick your nose in it somehow. I hate to be rude about this, but seeing you would contemplate divorcing your wife or commiting suicide over this is a big warning sign that you 2 are overbearing and that your relationship with your son is not normal....You seriously both need professional help before you start trying to "fix" it. You are not going to fix anything if you keep up this behavior....more or less you will drive them away to the point of never wanting to see you 2 again.
 
I feel for you but your son has to deal with this issue NOT you. You and your wife have a life and if he is so weak that he can't bring his children into your lives then move on with yours until he can. Reach out when possible but don't let this become the center post of your lives. You have done your best to raise him but you did have a life together before he was born. Live your life now and quit wasting time. You have worth. Recognize it and don't be held hostage to a hostile weird DIL or whatever the problem is. Take a vacation to Cancun. Go up to British Columbia. Live. Don't dwell on what you can not solve. Thank God for what you have and ask Him to work on this for you.
Outrider
 
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