Wasted Weekend

[Zacc D]

Sealed, flee from updrafts
Of loving smoke, I fear impairment
I suppose. A moment's worth
Of you and I spins me near
And naked. I feel blissed I feel
Vacant, knowing not and thinking
Taught me to conceal my happiness

 

[nsroach3]

this is awesome

 

[kimele]

the second sentence and the first half of the third flow really well. choice of worRAB is good too, 'cept ending on happiness sounRAB slightly awkward

 

[joahann]

worRAB of kindness make me blush.

I write in a fairly improvisational style so it leaves a lot of room for interpertation or not. I do get bogged down to repetition or familiar phrasing; a lack of happiness is overly familiar.

 

[David.hamster]

the whole thing is good really, but like i said earlier



that on its own is just superb