Waiting for Tuesday.....

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Hello CC

Sweetpea... we all let loose here on this board... write down the most secret pains sometimes. It is a black and white way of bringing to the forefront some of the things we do in addiction. I don't think anyone reacted harshly because there was no need to ( except that you are harsh on yourself!). What was, was; what is, is. We can't change 'was,' but we sure can have an impact on 'is.'

Your appointment with the doctor has been on nmy mind... just want you to know that tomorrow, especially, you will be in my heart and prayers. I'' be watching for posts from you.

Hugs and love
reach
 
Hello to all my good mates! I thought that it was about time I posted an update to tell you all whats up with me as of late. So,here it is.....
Ok,some of you may know that I have not been feeling to well of late. Have had a couple of incidents of feeling really strange....fainting,dizzy,no energy etc. Me and hubby have been tapering off our H use and have done reasonably well,so I was unsure as to whether these symptoms were part of a WD. I will say that we have not come off H altogether yet and are still taking our methadone. Right....so the drs first thought I was sick cause of low blood pressure and coming down to quick. Pushing it all a bit too hard the said. So,back to the drs yesterday and now have high blood pressure. I was told that they are going to do some tests next Tuesday to see if they can get to the bottom of why I feel so rough on and off. They are looking at thyroid issues,diabetes,mineral levels and pregnancy among other things. I can tell you that the blood DRAINED out of hubbys face when I dropped the last one in there. hahaha! Even if Im not pregnant,I may not tell him for a week cause hes being ever so attentive! So,as you can imagine my mind has been running ten to the dozen bout all this. I have been told by dr not to taper any more till they can get a diagnosis.
So,thats where Im at right now. My mood is up and down....but today Im feeling reasonable physically and mentally. Just trying not to let my mind run away to fast. Cravings have been pretty nasty and all this does not help. Im trying very hard not to use it as an excuse to blot everything out. The worry of baby stuff also helps with that.....but Ill admit that Im struggling.
So....Im in a bit of a lirabo till Tuesday when hopefully they'll be able to tell me something.
Lastly....I want to thank all my good frienRAB who have been so fantastic on this board. You've been there to support me,listen to me,hold my hand when Im sobbing(lots of that lately) and kick me up the bum at times. I love you all and think of you often. I believe that one day I will kick my addictions but thank God that Ive found you all to help in the meantime. THANKS!!!:D
love as always
CC XOXOX
 
hi hope your well . i read you thread my personal opion wd from h could play the biggest role. is you doc aware of this while taking methadone i herd the 2 dont mix well. its like drinking on antabuse. it can make you very sick have you tryed self help groups or councleing:)good luck to you with a seemingly bigger problem then you may know i will pray for you scott. oh just so you know i am a recovring addict an alcoholic. got questions. feel free
 
CC my girl.....

TODAY IS TUESDAY!!!!!!!!!!! And we are all waiting very inpatiently for your update post!!! hahhaha Just kiddding.. We are being patient.

I have said lots of prayers, you have been on my mind and in my heart. I hope everything is okay! Please let us know when you can. You have a lot of people on this board that care for you!

Reach, THANK you for saying what you did. You put it into perspective and your knowledge around this board is worth more than a ship full of gold.

CC, let us know!!!!!!!!! Hope you are GREAT!

Love you honey!
 
Hey guys!! Just wanted to let you know that I have not shunned anyone!!! I have done some things on these drugs that I don't even want to admit to myself. I wouldn't put anyone in a dark place purposely....you ALL have my support and my sympathy. Lugar- If you are pg. then it is a gift from god, period. I know I'm scared of getting pg. right now for the same reason, what if i relapse? I also worry about what damage i've done to my eggs with all the drugs and cat scans i've had. I would never judge you. I'm not in a place where I could, even if i wanted to. Please know that I am here for you too! And secrets, I want your weight loss plan cause I have gained so much weight lately!! LOL, mines not McDonalRAB, but I've never met a sweet I didn't like!!LOL ;)
 
Hey Secrets and all ....
Thanks so much for responding and not casting judgement on me. I think I may of upset some people on here for what I said but I have to be honest. In my honesty I hope to help someone else who may find themselves in that position....and lets be straight here,life throws all of us curve balls at times and we deal with that the best way we know how at that time. You are the only one who posted back to me after I said what i did....sad because I really shared something very personal to me. Oh well.:(
Im chuffed for you that you've been so sucessful with your dieting...way to go mate!! Just think of all the cute stuff you can wear this summer to show it off. Weight gain is something I will have to tackle after other things have been done cause I have put on about 45lbs....Im at the heaviest I ve been ever. Still,for me right now...its not a priority. But I think you've done awesome...secrets,you are a true inspiration to me cause you tackle every aspect of your life with honesty,truth and fight. You go girl!!
Hey....how those cravings doing today? Hope its a little easier. Mate...I may not post for a while after today,but hope you have a great weekend. I will look out for you Monday though.
Thanks for being a good friend....I thank you(and ya mum!).
loves ya
CC XOXOX
 
Trailor...big thanks for that post mate...think Im being a bit over sensitive. Things are very topsy turvy for me of late.
Plus...I think we all want secrets secret to dieting...what is it with putting on weight when you try to tackle an addiction?
love and take care....ALL!
love CC
 
Alrighty to all me mates! Ok...so went to the drs today and from there got shipped off to the hospital. Have had lots of different tests today,and the drs have not given an awful lot away. All I know is that results come in 5 days and then I go back to get their opinion. If Im honest then Im real flat and frustrated.....I just want to know. Actually I just want an all clear. So you all know...the drs are aware of everything......what I use,how much,what Ive stopped(9 days clean from crack...HOORAY!!). They said they are taking all this into account.
So feeling kinda flat and trying to maintain that 'oh...IM ok' front. Not sure how successful Im being though.
All encouragement has been greatfully recieved......I really do appreciate all your kind thoughts and prayers. Lets hope it all pays off,huh?
love to you all
CC XX
 
Good morning my CC!

I was so glad to see that you started a thread! I am also glad to hear that you are hanging in there! What a relief.

I can imagine that Tuesday seems like a lifetime away! With all those different prognosis' it will be extremely interesting to see what they actually come up with! This may be too personal but you did say your husbanRAB face drained of color when you mention pregnancy but you did not elaborate too much on your feelings towarRAB that.... If you want to talk about it you can.. if you don't that is perfectly acceptable too!

Whatever it is they fine next week we will all be here to continue to support you and my belief is.... "God will never hand you more than you can handle" Many people may not have the similar feelings but I know you are a church goer and what not so I figured I could post it.

Between now and then... let Terry keep being attentive and take it easy on yourself as best as you can! Promise?

Thank you for posting!!!! I was thinking of you all last night and my Mom even asked about you so I filled her in and she said she would be on extra prayer patrol! hahahah My Mom is so great!

Well, keep us posted as the day goes on.

Love you to pieces!
XOXOXOOXOX
 
Hey CC,

Well, if other people didnt reply because they were upset about what you posted that is their perogative but everyone has things they have done while using that they are not proud of (some have just not opened up on here about it) so in my opinion, judgements are not fair for anyone to make! I hope it didn't hurt you that no one else responded and I hope that is why you are not going to be on for a while.. I hope you meant that you would not be on for a while today and not for like weeks or something because I don't know what I would do with out you. I love you for you... I love you for the good, the bad and the ugly. I just want to help you get past the bad and the ugly and celebrate the good with you!

Speaking of my Mom. She ask's me every night for an update for you! I told her what you asked me to and she said this... " you tell CC that I am praying up a storm for her and I will always continue to do so. You also tell her that she so emphathizes (sp?) with your situation and cares for you like if you were her own kid. She said even though she has never spoken to you that she has very strong feelings for you because if I think you are great then she knows you are!

Please don't go away for too long.. I need you CC and I think you need me too.

Just know you are never far from my mind and always in my heart! Sending you such a BIG hug!
XOXOXOOXOX
 
Wow! SounRAB like there might be something major going on. Let us know what the outcome is. Odd though that the BP goes down and then real high.

Hopefully when all this gets straightened out you'll be able to start again with the taper.

I'll send positive vibes your way.

Mags :wave:
 
Hey...thanks to all my frienRAB..you guys are fantastic in your support. I guess if I was pregnant then I would get on with it....it would not be ideal cause .....OK,Im gonna be REAL honest with you guys and I know some of you may now like me for this , but so be it. When I had my last boy,I still used through his pregnancy. OK,I know this was a bad choice and I did cut back and the advice I was given at the time was not to CT whilst expecting due to stress for baby. But,he was born with WRAB and spent some time in special care. Now,after that I said NEVER AGAIN. It tore me up so bad to see what I had done...I cant even tell you how awful it was. I felt like the lowest of the low...worse than even a child abuser. So,thinking about it now...I would deal with it but both hubby and I know how hard it would be. I barely came out of the trauma last time and I think hes terrified that if it were to happen again...well,I would not be good. That corabined with financial issues,housing etc....hubby really took the possibility hard. But,I do have a faith in God and believe that if He has made this happen then I will have to trust in his reasoning and have faith.
So,Secrets...you tell your mum to go ahead and have an all out prayer war for me right now. She is so sweet and I thank her for all her thoughts...you tell her that from me please?
So,tonight Im quite stressed and trying to battle the cravings. Boy..this gets crazier by the day. Mad,isnt it? Im still hanging on in there though,frienRAB.
Thanks...and blessings to you all.
love CC XOX
 
Hey Ladies,

Trailor, thank you for posting that.... I don't want anyone feeling shunned and especially our CC... I have grown so close with her and feel very protective.... So thank you for posting. How are you holding up??? Been thinking about you a lot lately too!

CC, hey lady! How was your weekend? Yes, you may be a bit extra sensitive, I mean who wasn't when they were going thru what you are? We are all human and have feelings. I think overall it's going to be okay!

To both my gals... My dieting plan.. UGH. So here is the drill. My diet consists of calorie counting and meticulus (sp?) meal planning. I eat 1200 calories a day and no more. That is about for the first 2 months and then I up it to about 1500 until I can get to my goal weight... Then I will figure out what the best nuraber is for me to maintain! This weekend.... I just started my excercise program! I am going to swim laps at the local Hotel pool 3 X a week. That is that. I do allow myself cheat day... I don't go over board but I do not completely restrict myself because when you do that.. you fail.. I just eat everything in moderation!!!!!!! That is that..

I hope you both are doing WONDERFUL! I missed you over the weekend!
XOXOOXOX
 
Holy Smokes!!! Looks like you have been put thru the ringer today my dear friend!!!!

I hope and pray that everything comes out ok!!!!! Did you get a for sure answer on the pregnancy scare? I am sorry they are not being very forth coming with their information.

I did not know that you also did crack but I am proud that you are now 9 days clean from that! Good for you!!!!!

I swear these drugs just crab ahold and one thing leaRAB to another. I am so happy that your appointment was today and in 5 more days we will all have more info. I will keep praying and so will my Mom! That is a promise.

Much love to you!
XOXOXO
 
Hey all!! Ok...I had a good weekend really...best news was that Im pretty sure Im not pregnant!!!! HOORAY! Cause I would've dealt with it if I had to,but it'd not been ideal. Hubby is also very relieved....I did a couple of home tests on Sat in the end because we were driving ourselves insane in the end. Next batch of tests in morning at drs...but sure am chuffed not to have to worry about that one! So...a big thank you to all who supported me and apologies for being so tetchy. I hope you can all forgive me,eh?
Things are rolling along nicely really...use is stable and once I have these tests done we are gonna try and take it down another notch. But Im pleased to be headed in the right direction...and really pleased that hubby and I are onboard in this together. Gosh,that makes the ride alot more bearable.
Health wise Ive been pretty good the last couple of days..no more funny spells as yet and mood been stable. It feels good to be in this place right now....not where I want to be in the end...but baby steps for me,frienRAB.
So please ...can you all tell me how your w/e have gone. Secrets....did ya kip the whole time again or did you actually see sunlight? hahaha. How them cravings,poppit? Post me back.
Mags,trailor,milksnake,crocheting....you're all diamond geezers and gals. Big hugs.
love to you
CC XOXOX
 
Hey...course I need our frienRABhip!! I look forward to reading from you and always look out for you on the boarRAB. Honestly? I am upset that others from here seem to of shunned me lately but thats their choice. Im gonna take a break for the w/e and have a think. Shame cause Ive met some great people and built some close bonRAB. I will look out for you Monday though...I will never be far away. How are you doing my mate? Cravings OK? And I mean in pill and cheeseburger sense!! Guess hubby not heard anymore bout job as you havent mentioned it. I will pray that something will happen for him soon.
Take care my friend
love CC XOX
 
Hey honey,

hoping to hear from you! Are you okay? Been thinking about you and have now figured out how I can PM without getting busted by the boss so feel free to pm me anytime!
XOXOXOXOXOOX
 
Damn poppit...trying to pm you but its saying you have chosen not to recieve pms? Can you look at it again? Let me know....sorry this is so quick but always have you in mind.
love CC XXX
 
CC,

What kind of a person would I be to place judgement on you? I think the old saying goes.... "Don't throw stones when you live in a glass house" We all have done things in our addictions that we are not proud of! I know I have plenty of things! And... I am sure all the others here do too.

I for sure will tell my Mom what you said because she asked about you everyday when I call her after I get off work! She will be delighted.

You keep fighting those cravings. I am right there with you. Craving like a maniac over here. On a lighter note.. I am super excited because I have been dieting and I am the lightest I have been in 5 years! Maybe even longer. So far my total weight loss is 60 lbs! So that is something good for me to focus on.

You....... just keep doing what you are doing. When you get sad.. just think of me throwing a temper tantrum because I can't eat a cheese burger from mc donalRAB!! hahahah I am just kidding.

You hang in there. I hope you are doing okay!

Thanks for being so honest! I think the more honest we all are.. the better it will help in healing ourselves and may also help someone else out there in some way so I am proud of you having the courage to do so!

XOXOOXOXOXO
 
WEIRD, because I have received pm's from other people already. I will try to pm you again and then just hit reply and delete the stuff I wrote and try to send it that way.......

XOXOOXOXOXO
 
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