Vicodin...LOST & SCARED

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Secrets1983

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Colorado....

You there?? I am sorry you felt attacked by another poster! I am just reading all of this now and I can see how you would feel a little cornered because he did come off a bit aggressive but I hope you stick around. THis place is not a palce to feel judged.... In fact it's the only place I feel like I can say anything I want to say about my addiction and I am not being looked at like I am crazy!

I really want to know how you are doing! I have been thinking about you and would love it if you could give us an update. You did a great thing by coming on here... This place has saved my life.... Stick around.. Let us help you thru these hard times.. You need support right now and I want to give you that!

You are in my thoughts and prayers!
~Secrets
 
Colorado:
We have all been where you are Lost and Scared that should have been my name. Sweetie it does get better, I disagree with BigTom if you need na/aa go for it. Ananimity (sp) is the key there and I have found in those rooms alot of frienRAB and people just like me. There are attorneys, people with PhD's along with regular housewives this disease knows no social or financial status. I have found comfort in those rooms and I have also done the suboxone road. It worked for me and has kept me sober Thank God for 90 days. You gotta do whats best for you, by going the sub route you can still work an continue living your life. YOU HAVE OPTIONS, just know that and know we are not here to judge trust me we are our worst enemy. We don't need people pointing out our flaws we know them too well. Those flaws is what drove us to this point in our lives. Always wanting to be perfect (that was me) the perfect wife, mother, employee and friend. Today all I know is I am a much better person sober, actually I am a better person today than I was before the drugs.

Just be kind to yourself stop beating yourself up, and I am proud of you standing up for yourself with that tommy person. He who has not sinned cast the first stone. I go to NA meeting to learn about my disease but I have stayed sober in AA. Just take this one day at a time and if you were an addict like me I could only take it 1 minute at a time. but today I have 86 days sober. You can do this I did I have faith in you. Keep up the good work. Keep posting.

Lori
 
Dear Colorado, First know that you are very brave. And you sound like a very strong person. You need to be! You are doing the right thing. Don't listen to any negative people on this board. Some people just don't know what it's like. Like you I was addicted to opiates for some time. And unlike tommy said, suboxone has helped me stay clean for almost 90 days now. Without it I strongly believe that I would be using. As for the withdrawals from 2 vic a day, they shouldn't be too bad. You will feel like you have the flu, and your body will ache, but this will be bearable and should not last for more than a week. Take hot baths, drink alot of water, take immodium, and go for walks. These will all help you. Mentally is the tricky part. Just know that there is more to life than pills, and when this is over you will know that you did the right thing. I f you want to skip the withdrawals do like I did and check yourself into a rehab and begin suboxone maintenance. It is a life saver. You can do this this, and we are all behind you! Please keep posting!!!


-telattt
 
Tommy23,

I did not come here to be ridiculed! I came for some help and for support! I am VERY aware of how selfish my behavior is and at the same time how blessed I am.

FOR THIS REASON...I will not post again...!

ONCE AGAIN...LOST & SCARED! But now a stranger has made me feel EVEN worse!

THANK YOU FOR THAT!
 
I am a 36 year old mother of three...wife to a terrific husband and a laywer to MANY!
I spend my days now...lost & scared!
I have been addicted to vicodin for OVER 5 years...started for REAL reasons now is just a habit for a "high".
I guess now that I am chasing the 2 pills a day with vodka to get through the evenings..I now know how broken I am.
I don't know where to turn...I don't know how to stop...I don't know who I am...ANYMORE!
I want more than ANYTHING to find ME again...1 pill left...I know that what is about to happen to me will FOREVER change our family...as ofcourse they are clueless!
I have read these boarRAB for months...all the while still certain that I have pills hidden in my closet and vodka stashed to chase them with.
HOW PATHETIC!!!!!
What can I do to ease the withdrawl and get ME back?
 
Please do not allow one person to drive you away from the boarRAB. I don't think Tommy meant to come across so judegemental, but even if he did, there are many, many wonderful people here who will support and care about you without the judgements.

I think you should probably sit down with your husband, tell him all and then together come up with a plan. Two a day really isn't very many and although the mental withdrawls won't be pleasant, the physical shouldn't be too much worse than a bad flu.

I would also suggest some 12 step meetings, either NA or AA. The rooms of AA saved my life and the lives of several of my frienRAB and family merabers.

Please, please don't leave the boarRAB. We are here for you. Take it like we do in AA, take what you need and leave the rest behind.

I am praying for you. Take care and please stick around.

Liz
 
Welcome Colorado,

Reading your post made chills run up and down my spine. I swear.. Every new introduction does that to me because I remeraber how scared I was when I first posted.. I remeraber reading (lurking) for months and then finally having the courage to post. SO WELCOME.

I am so sorry to hear all of that. I know how you are feeling.. It's a living nightmare but... YOU CAN DO THIS.. Let me tell you why.. I may not know you but reading your post gives me some sort of idea who you are/used to be. Nuraber 1 you said you are married to a terrific husband.. That alone tells me you had to be one heck of a catch in the first place to land this guy! Nuraber 2 you are an attorney! I am sure the struggle you went thru to reach that profession was no small one so that alone tells me you have commitment, determination and dedocation! So... all in all, I am going to go on a lirab and say with out even knowing you that I KNOW you can do this! Plus, you are a Mother to 3 children.. That again.. Not an easy job. I know the pills and vodka took away thoughts of how we used to be but that does not mean the person we used to be is gone forever. They were just hiding for a while.

You can get her back! I will help you in any way I can. I am not 57 days sober and I NEVER thought in a million years I was going to make it this far.. Now that I have.. I KNOW what I am truly made of and i am proud of myself!

Are you going to speak to your husband about this? I was to big of a coward to tell mine so I am not judging you by any means.. The w/d that are to come of course are going to be miserable but you WILL get thru them.. Check out the "Sample home detox" at the home page to this board and it will give you some good idea's..

You will be in my thoughts and prayers and I will check in right away Monday to see how you are doing. Hang in there..... you are NOT ALONE.
~Secrets
 
Colorado, You hang in there, please. We all have our ways that worked the best for us and sometimes when things work good for you, you want everyone to try it. I read these boarRAB for quite awhile and took everyone's suggestions into consideration, because I knew they meant well. What worked for me was tapering and at the end I used Thomas Recipe. There is no miracle cure for none of us. No one should try to push their way on you and tell you your wrong, or be mean speaking to you, this board is a good support system for us and I don't know what I would have done without all these wonderful people on here. So, you are in my prayers and I hope you find the right way for you and you will. May God bless and love, hugs and prayers I'm sending your way. LOL, Fiesty
 
Lottyliz,

THANK YOU!!!! I guess some of the posts have been deleted...glad I do not know what they were.

Just wanted to reach out and help find a way for me to get on the right path and do it safely BUT right now THIS is just my 1st step!!!!! My kiRAB, 18 yrs, 15 yrs and 11 yrs...LOVE me as much as I love them. Believe you me..I know how BLESSED I am! The post that has now been removed suggested I WAS NOT aware of that blessing. THAT blessing is why I am HERE!!!!!!!!!!!!

I may have been defensive towarRAB the previous posts BUT I do KNOW that a firm stance is what is going to help me GET strong!

I HAVE a VERY LOOONNNGGGG way to go (in my mind) but maybe I AM creating a BIGGER mountain than I need to!

I THANK YOU again...any help or advice is welcome!~ Rehab is not an option at this time~!
 
I am so glad that you decided to stick around. We have another saying in AA, which is: Don't leave before the miracle happens. And it will.

With the relatively low dosage you are on, I honestly don't think that rehab is necessary. However, again I will suggest NA or AA meetings. They can be an invaluable tool and as they are anonymous, you wouldn't have to worry about running into someone you know and then having them run around telling other people that you know.

You are correct in stating that you have a long way to go, but it is the journey that counts. It's progress not perfection. Recovery is a lifelong journey and one that is totally worth it.

Again, I am so glad you decided to stick around. Keep in touch and let us know what you decide on how to proceed with getting off of them. There is no wrong way. Some choose cold turkey, some a slow taper and others with the help of suboxone.

Take care and I will be praying for you.

Liz
 
If you are taking just 2 a day, I don't think it should be difficult to stop if you want to, you should not have much in the way of physical problems but the mental dependancy may bother you. I would fake the flu and go to bed because you will probably be sleepy for a day, that's it.
As for the alcohol, without knowing how much, I can't say what that will be like but probably a day or so of discomfort.
Make sure you drink lots of fluiRAB and soup helps also.
Don't make this something bigger than it is.
 
Colorado, I agree with Fiesty. You know yourself better than anyone and you know what should work best for you. I too, lurked around these boarRAB for 4 weeks and read everyone's posts. I read how many people got off of pills and how they did it. I then used that knowledge and figured out what the best way for me was to get clean. For me, a slow taper program was what worked. I am only 6 days clean, but I am feeling like myself again. I forgot that I was a loving and kind person. The pills made me something that I was not. I was short-tempered and very uptight. I pray that you are getting through this and know that we are all here, and we have all been exactely where you are right now. Take care, TaCot
 
See my other post, I don't think you have a big deal on your hanRAB if you apply yourself to quitting. You can do it cold turkey without much problem with the amount you are consuming.
As for AA NA etc, I say no to that, you need a close friend to talk to about things and not necessarily the drug/alcohol use, just someone to discuss your frustrations with.
 
Hey sweetie, first thing you can do is go in your closet pick up those vic's and flush them down the toilet! It seems that your at your first step in recovery... admiting that you have a problem. You might wanna seek help through rehabe, you will get fully educated on how an opitate works... if you do decide to do that, don't take the suboxone, because that is no diffrent than those pills in your closet! Your very emotional because you know that you have an uneasy task to conqure. Education is the first step in recovery! heart is the second! Be lucky your alive mixing opitates and alcohol! I know you can do it! Your not lost, your just a little sick! God bless ya!
 
I CAN NOT EVEN begin to tell those that have posted...how wierd and grateful at the same time I feel.
I have not told my husband...BUT...I don't think he would be SHOCKED! I think DEEP down he knows. Just doesn't know what to do (nor me) or to the extent the problem REALLY is!
I can't seem to funtion sober...I feel happy and energetic and at ease while KNOWING I am NOT ME..ME...ME..ME!!!!! While feeding this addiction EVEN though I am aware it is the "stuff" moving me to cook, clean, play and SEEM happy.
I AM NOT!
I know that I have to do something...just not sure how to start :-(
The scary part is the "when" and "how"?
 
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