Update...

[emsmom]

Hello everyone,

I'm writing to give you all an update.

I'm still feeling great, out every day for at least four hours (at the park, walking with my little one - three years old - in the stroller) and basically enjoying life to the fullest.

I saw my addictions doctor yesterday. The appt. went very well. She always seems a little more impressed each time I see her

The only thing different/challenging in my life is...I am going back into treatment. There's a day program at my local hospital. It runs from 12:30 - 5pm, so my husband is going to work from home while I'm in Rehab for three weeks. It is a pretty short program (21 days) and only 4.5 hours/Mon. to Fri.

I am nervous that I'll be bored, like I was in Homewood (Rehab) last summer. Does anyone have any suggestions for me? Perhaps some constructive criticism or just a good ol' kick in the cyber-pants? Lol. Really though, I am open to any suggestions. I really want to make the most of it.

I feel as though I have a wonderful opportunity - Last year, I was tapering from a profuse amount of OxyContin so I didn't concentrate on the entire experience, nor did I appreciate the gift of recovery. This time, I am clean, and won't be focused on how horrible I feel. I'll be able to get the most out of this treatment cause I'll be thinking straight and won't be watching the clock, anticipating my next dose of Oxycontin. EVERY day at Rehab, when it came time to get our meRAB, I was always one of the first in line (of about 50 people)!! I guess I'm looking for reassurance, and hoping someone will come along and tell me about their experience while clean in Rehab.

Another issue I am having a hard time dealing with is my daughters. Emily is six, Hailey is three - I am not going to be around when Emily gets off the bus after school, I won't be home for famiy dnners, my girls are going to have to readjust to my hubby's way of doing things/handling situations etc. - so that will be a change for them as well.

Last, my hubby is going to have to take care of one daughter in the early afternoon, then have two daughters to take care of after school (3pm) for a few hours until I get home. Essentially, he'll have to work with the door open (in our home office), most likely do the gocery shopping, take the girls out for a walk, go to the park so they can get exercise etc.

I know I shouldn't think this way however, I get these thoughts in my head that make me feel SO guilty... I feel as thought my family would not have to suffer if I didn't do the things I did. I feel as though, ultimately, if I wasn't an addict, my family wouldn't be inconvenienced by my addiction.

Anyhow, for those of you who are stlll reading, thank you. I didn't realize how much I'd written unil I looked back and began to proof-read.

I hope each and every one of you have a great weekend

Sincerly,
emsmom

 

[magpie1970]

Well, I've never been in rehab so I don't have any worRAB of wisdom to keep yourself from getting bored--but I'll kick you in the rear....get over it and get well!!! That is what matters.

As far as not being with the kiRAB, they and your husband will survive without you. Think of how worse off your family would be if you didn't do the stint in rehab? Your husband can handle things. Granted, he won't do it as well as mommy does, but daddy's have their own way of handling things.

I'm sure that all will be fine.

Namaste

 

[mel486]

I haven't been to rehab either, but I would say stay focused on your kiRAB and how much better you will be able to enjoy life watching them grow up. They grow up so fast! That should be the good thoughts to concentrate on while you are in there. Also, think about the withdrawals you went through to get where you are now and ask you self if you ever want to go through that again. That's the part that keeps me clean. I went through a nightmare of withdrawals and I never want to do that ever again.

I almost had to go to rehab and they said that I wouldn't have access to a computer and I don't know if I could withstand being w/o a computer for 5 days!! Whew! Glad I didn't have to go. I am addicted to my computers.

You're doing the right thing and your family should be proud of you, even though the younger ones might not fully understand everything that is going on, they will all survive and get by. Just keep the faith.

 

[emsmom]

Magpie and Denon,

Thank you very much for your replies Thinking about my daughters will definitely help with the process. I made my gratitude list today and they were the first ones on it (as well as my husband). I always write a small reason why I am thankful for that person/thing in my life. I made a copy of the list, put it in my wallet and will read this particular one every day, while on my way to treatment.

Have a great day, both of you.

emsmom

 

[redrockrag]

Daddy will be just fine. You sound incredably organized and will be able to get all of those things taken care of for all your family to cope. Have you looked into play dates and a few trades for the kiRAB during the week? That always worked for me when I had to work unexpectedly. KiRAB need to change it up anyway to be well rounded. There is nothing abusive or out of the ordinary for mom to be one for 1/2 a day for 3 weeks. It might be good for all of your family. Especially you, of course. Good luck and knock off the guilt trip. It does not serve anyone well. Much love and wishing you success. Stay focused. Listen and learn.
RRR

 

[emsmom]

Thank you RRR,

Everything you said was correct I've set up two playdates for the first week, and one so far for the second. I've also told my hubby about a drop-in center I take my little one to - she absolutely loves it

Hope you had a great weekend,

Sincerely,
emsmom

 

[Secrets1983]

Good Morning Sweetie,

So.... first off I am going to give you that cyber kick in the pants you requested!! hahaha Seriously though... I am just going to put it like this.... There is no reason that you should be beating yourself up over this because there is nothing you can do right this moment to change your previous behaviors EXCEPT do everything you can to not make those same mistakes again which is what you are working on! For that you should be very proud and it shows that you are a good Mother. Think of it this way.... it seems the majority of householRAB who have small children consist of 2 parents that work out of the house.. Would you think that makes those people bad people because they can't be there for every one of those minutes of the day? No, I know you wouldn't think they were bad. Bottom line, your husband is capable.... Obviously, he is or you would have never married him. Right? I loved what someone wrote about Daddy's having their own way of doing things... It's so true!

Okay.. now enough of me being lippy:wave: hahahha I think it's incredible how far you have come. I think you need to take a long look back and see just how much you have accomplished! It's amazing and you are really an inspiration to many. As for being bored.... Well, I have never been to rehab before BUT.... this time around maybe things will be different. It's a gift to be able to go and I know you see that silver lining.

Okay, I better close for now and get some work done.. hahaha Just know you will be in my thoughts and prayers! You deserve to put yourself first. You need to heal and for it you will be able to focus more in the future on being a mother and wife because I know the amount of time I spend on a day focusing too much of my attention on my addiction.

I think this turned out to be a big rarable but I hope it makes sense!

Hugs to you!
XOXOXO