Now, update to today!
I had posted on another thread (the original one by me) my plan to taper. It went better than I expected. The first few days of cutting back (which were the largest reduction at one time) gave me a little bit of physical discomfort, but not too much. My mental addiction was the one I really had to fight. I stayed motivated, and there was only one day I took an extra half a lortab, but I really was being driven by a bad headache that day. I felt bad as soon as I took it and got right back on track. My taper was really smooth. I thought I was having insomnia due to the taper, but in reality, it was the Wellbutrin my doc was trying me on to control the migraines. I stopped the wellbutrin and my sleep returned within 2 nights.
I feel so good mentally and physically!
If you are trying to quit and you can taper, man that is THE way to do it! I had the discipline because I knew if I didn't, I wouldn't be able to get my hanRAB on more pills in time to keep from having to go without for a couple weeks, thus suffering terrible withdrawal (something I have been thru and would rather walk thru hell fires than do again). I also was determined to leave the prison of drug addiction behind.
I kept reminding myself of how it had fractured my soul, made me a dishonest person, kept me from having whole, open, honest relationships, and was taking away something of myself (though I wasn't entirely sure what it was) from my kiRAB.
Now, all that said, this is only day 3 being clean with NO PILLS!!! I am afraid of slipping down that treacherous slope again. I want to STAY free of the pills this time. I know I can, but I still know how evil and insidious the addiction can be. Still, I already feel more alive, more free. I experience more emotions and more connection to my children and my frienRAB. I have more desire to call up my family and frienRAB and be engaged with them in their lives. I am excited for my future, where before I felt that burden of everything revolving around that next dose, and I'd cringe, picturing myself as some old lady junkie dying in her bed of overdose one day. I refuse to let that be my fate!
I know each day is a battle and I look forward to hopefully having the pills mean nothing to me when I am faced with them, so I must keep strong.
Thanks to everyone here for their valueable input, their stories, their struggles and their strengths. These drugs tell us we are losers and worthless for being addicts while at the same time telling us we must take them to BE worth something and function. THEY LIE!
I pray for all of our freedom and continued sobriety. :wave:
