Kingston was born 01/27!
New member
...my distance from her? Early last week, I posted a question asking other mothers what they would do if their MIL took their child out their arms without asking. For those who do not recall this post, we were out to dinner with my inlaws and my MIL quietly got up from her seat and took my son out of my arms while I was feeding him. She did not utter a single word. She just got up and took him. This is probably the fifth or sixth time (possibly more) she has done this. She either just takes him away or already has a good hold on him and is pulling him toward her when she says, “Come to granny!” I mentioned this to my husband on the second time she did it. As always, he dismissed it as her being an excited grandmother and said he was sure she meant no harm by it. Then, he began to notice it each time thereafter and would look at me, shrug his shoulders, as if he was shocked to finally witness it himself. Unfortunately, we have been bickering about it every since the last incident. He and his mother are very close and he usually doesn’t like to take sides when it involves her, but he surprisingly put her on the spot at the restaurant (by telling her I was feeding him and after she ignored him he asked if she was going to take him anyway and she replied, “Mmmm hmmm!”). There is a long history behind my husband and MIL but the bottomline is she is very controlling, and has always had control over my husband. He is a laid back individual who tries to keep the peace with everyone even when it’s not warranted. I am not going to say he is literally afraid of his mother, but I feel he is afraid to challenge her on anything. On the other hand, she is not used to him challenging her on anything. She is very opinionated and used to getting her way with no interference.
When we talked about how I felt I simply told him that I acknowledge it must be hard for him to be caught in between his wife and mother. I told him I know he will take her side regardless and I have decided to accept that, but I am going to start limiting the time I spend around her. I become agitated and stressed when I am around her and often felt that way prior to having my son. We see them, on average, two or three times per month. They live an hour away. I told him I have no problem with them coming to our home or him taking our son there to visit, but I find it difficult to be around someone who will not respect me and I’m finding it hard to respect her anymore. He said that since, I am the one who is offended by what she’s done I should make her aware of that. He said knowing her she probably has no idea she offended me. We have been going back and forth on this and I feel it would do no good to tell her I am offended by her actions. I feel she already knows this and is doing what she’s doing because I have allowed her to, and she knows my husband is not going to say anything to her. She is 65 years old and a mother and I feel she knows what’s right and what’s wrong. I feel he needs to express some concern so she knows it’s not just me, but I’m starting to feel like it doesn’t bother him. He agrees that what she does is wrong but thinks I am taking the wrong approach by avoiding her. There have also been issues about her offering unsolicited advice and making rude and sarcastic comments toward our parenting choices. He feels that I simply don’t want anyone telling me anything and the truth is I don’t. Not the way she does it, at least. If I don’t know something I’ll ask and if you are going to giving advice it needs to make sense and you shouldn’t try to force it. This topic came up again last night and he said he feels I want him to confront her but I should have enough gumption to say something to her myself.
Do you think I am childish for making the decision to limit my contact with her? She rarely calls the home phone unless she wants to speak to me directly, and even then she usually calls on my cell phone. She called me last Friday and I’ll have to admit that I didn’t return her call. She didn’t leave a message but I saw a missed call from her. If they come to visit I’ll be nice like I normally am. I will speak and talk but I will no longer be making myself available to hang out with them every single time they come visit. If I want to stay at home or do something else I will do it. I can’t control her and I’m not trying to, but I can control my actions and I feel avoiding her is the easiest way to rid myself of undue stress.
When we talked about how I felt I simply told him that I acknowledge it must be hard for him to be caught in between his wife and mother. I told him I know he will take her side regardless and I have decided to accept that, but I am going to start limiting the time I spend around her. I become agitated and stressed when I am around her and often felt that way prior to having my son. We see them, on average, two or three times per month. They live an hour away. I told him I have no problem with them coming to our home or him taking our son there to visit, but I find it difficult to be around someone who will not respect me and I’m finding it hard to respect her anymore. He said that since, I am the one who is offended by what she’s done I should make her aware of that. He said knowing her she probably has no idea she offended me. We have been going back and forth on this and I feel it would do no good to tell her I am offended by her actions. I feel she already knows this and is doing what she’s doing because I have allowed her to, and she knows my husband is not going to say anything to her. She is 65 years old and a mother and I feel she knows what’s right and what’s wrong. I feel he needs to express some concern so she knows it’s not just me, but I’m starting to feel like it doesn’t bother him. He agrees that what she does is wrong but thinks I am taking the wrong approach by avoiding her. There have also been issues about her offering unsolicited advice and making rude and sarcastic comments toward our parenting choices. He feels that I simply don’t want anyone telling me anything and the truth is I don’t. Not the way she does it, at least. If I don’t know something I’ll ask and if you are going to giving advice it needs to make sense and you shouldn’t try to force it. This topic came up again last night and he said he feels I want him to confront her but I should have enough gumption to say something to her myself.
Do you think I am childish for making the decision to limit my contact with her? She rarely calls the home phone unless she wants to speak to me directly, and even then she usually calls on my cell phone. She called me last Friday and I’ll have to admit that I didn’t return her call. She didn’t leave a message but I saw a missed call from her. If they come to visit I’ll be nice like I normally am. I will speak and talk but I will no longer be making myself available to hang out with them every single time they come visit. If I want to stay at home or do something else I will do it. I can’t control her and I’m not trying to, but I can control my actions and I feel avoiding her is the easiest way to rid myself of undue stress.