I deeply appreciate your sincere concern/ help. As far as why I decided to seek this out, i'm reaaly not sure. I think more than anything, I just wanted to tell someone. I've spent my whole life bottling up my pain, both physical and mental. Even though I haven't gone into much detail, just saying what I have said makes me feel better. There's been long running speculation on whether I need to see some sort of mental therapist for years, but i've always avoided it for many reasons. Of course, being money. Also, it just didn't seem appealing to me that everthing I said could possibly be followed by some variation of "And, how does that make you feel?" Lastly, upbringing, again.
On top of the fact that i'm in constant (mild) pain, probably from depression. I think that my back has started hurting worse over the years because of a history of scoliosis (spelling?) that runs in the family. My mom's father had a huge lump at the top of his spine that caused him to lean forward. My mom kind of waddles because her spine is crooked. Within the past year my mom has started making comments that my posture is getting worse and my spine looks like it's leaning to the left. For me, it just seems like one more problem to add to the list. I don't know which things are worth looking into and which ones may be in my head. Aside from that thinking, it doesn't help that when I bring things up to a doctor they brush me off.
I was recently able to get into a doctor for very cheap, but I had to jump through all sorts of hoops just to get there. Then, I leave with more questions than I came in with. Another dicouragement. I had gone in because I got hit in the ribs, and suddenly it looks like i'm missing a few. The doctor said I probably have a bacterial infection in my stomach. I was appauled to say the least. To me, it sounded like a broken rib, it looked like a broken rib, and it felt like a broken rib. I mean, you know what they say... it must be a duck. Anyways, had bloodwork done only to confirm what I already knew. Which was, I don't have an infection.
So, while I was at the doctor's office, I brought up my list of other issues. Painful vericose veins, abnormally fast clotting blood, below average blood pressure, blackouts, confusion, loss of motor skills/ speech, intense random jerking, no short term memory, history of concussions, severe irratic mood swings, and the fact that parts of my body will go completely nurab (non-functional) at random. Not all these things happen all at once, and I have found no pattern for the times/places/ways they happen. Point being, the doctor completely ignored the fact that my father had a history of massive stokes, heart attack, and various other circulation problems. While i'm not saying this isn't possible, the doctor blamed all my problems on the back injury. Thing is, I was blacking out, convulsing, and going nurab before the accident. I had a point in my rarablings. It just makes me wonder about what doctors are doing and if I can really trust them. I felt like I hadn't been listened to at all. If you want to be listened to, you have to be really to shell out big bucks.
Reguardless of how I feel about doctors, I am unwilling to give up hope. I've always kept faith that there was someone out there that would listen to me, honestly. Without jumping to conclusions, judging me, or brushing me off. So, whether I end up seeing a professional about my back or not, you have helped me. So far, you have been the only person I have told about my injury that didn't say, "You're stupid" or "It's your own fault, you shouldn't have been goofing around in the first place" and "Get over it, everyone else has to". *Anger issues. Point being, thank you for your time and consideration.
