Unhealthy Obsession

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Raiker

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Hey everyone, new to these boarRAB. Thought I'd share what i'm currently going through so maybe I could get some comfort from others with similar problems.

I was diagnosed with anxiety disorder when I was around 13 and I am currently 18. The past two and a half years I have been a complete hypochondriac and have been worrying myself into a deep depression about every STD and cancer in the book. Although sometimes not without good reason. I have had unprotected sex with around 30 female partners aged 13-28, the ones under 18 when I was also under 18. Usually having partners my same age or 1-2 years older, with the exception of now as my current girlfriend is 28 whom I've been monogamous with for approx 3 and a half months.

I was blood tested for hepititus and all the other STD's including HIV the summer before last and I was neg for all and I was also vaccinated for hep b when I was a child. But since then I have had unprotected sex with around 6-7 more partners. As you may have already figured out my promiscuity is a major issue for me. It is slowly but surely ruining my life.

Back to anxiety. Not a day goes by that I dont convince myself once again that I have HIV/Cancer/Hepititus C. It's ruining my relationship as well, I worry to my girlfriend about how I belive I have HIV every day and she thinks its completely ridiculous and unreasonable, but to me it seems like a very real possibility. I'm too afraid to get tested again as ignorance is bliss. But yet even though I believe that, I ruin my potential happiness by worrying about diseases all day. I'm stuck in some horrible mental paradox and I dont know what to do.

I was battling myself mentally and seemingly winning until just recently my groin lymph nodes inflamed. I've done boat loaRAB of research on HIV and this is a symptom of it. Although I do have a moderate sized cyst filled with fluid on my tail bone, which my doctor said is most likely the reason for the lymph node swelling. But my mind always assumes the absolute worst, in this case, HIV.. I have taken medication for this cyst twice, both times the cyst became small and was absent of fluid. then filled up with fluid again a few weeks later, when the cyst reduced in size my lymph nodes did as well. Is this common? Also does anyone else have any similar problems with their anxiety/hypochondria? Should I go get tested again or take the benefit of the doubt? I'm pretty lost at this point in my life, any help or advice would be highly appreciated.
 
I also have anxiety but from what I see, that you wrote, you will never get rid of your anxiety until you get a good doctor, some good medical tests, and a good counselor. You have a lot on your plate and all that will lead to your anxiety. You sound like a very intelligent person. Anxiety is an awful burden. But if you try to take one thing at a time you will feel better. I have learned that from following my couselors advice. Good luck.
 
Thank you for your input. anxiety runs heavily in my family, every relative on my daRAB side has suffered or is currently suffering from it. My dad is still addicted to valium to this day. I used to be on paxil in my early teens and after 2 years or so I wasnt having anxiety anymore, so I stopped taking it, the past two years it has come back full force though, and I am currently not on any medication. Theres only so much that logical thinking and reason can do to help fight anxiety, no matter how much I tell myself Im ok I still worry... I'm very skeptical about anxiety meRAB as im worried about becoming dependant or if it will make me devoid of emotion. It's all in my head so I try to battle it, but whenever I think i've won the worry sets in again.

and then I guess theres always the possibility I am right and I do have HIV or Hep or whatever.
 
Doctor > Tests > Results > Life.


Once you get it in your head that you've been fine and that medical results haven't shown any irregularities that should cause concern you need to teach yourself that you've been fine and that it's not going to change,
 
It will be horrifying, but then again.. Facing the fear is always the first step.

You will make progress, everyone does at some point. The problem is will you be able to tell yourself that "THIS IS ENOUGH, ITS TIME TO GET HEALTHY".
 
It should be that easy but the overwhelming fear of having HIV makes it really horrifying to get tested... But I know I have to do it, so I'm going to go within the next few days.

Any advice on how to get over my fears? this is going to ruin me for the next two weeks or so.
 
I know what your going through anxiety wise...I have been battling that for the past year but you need to stop having sex (especially unprotected) with so many people....that is so unhealthy. Talk to your doc about Bipolar....you may need to try meRAB for that. People with Bipolar take risks such as having unprotected sex and not even thinking twice about it until it's over. Then you have all the guilt and anxiety about diseases. I mean if you would stop having unprotected sex, you wouldn't have anything to worry about! Hope you get this all straightened out and be able to stop worrying so much. I'm always worrying myself sick that I have MS, Lupas, cancer or something like that and that's what's causing all my anxiety and panic attacks!
 
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