I recently wrote an essay for a college level Comparative Lit course and there were a few complaints when my professor returned them so she is giving us the opportunity to revise them and make them better. I got a 92 so I don't think my paper is too horrible and I don't want to change too much and make it worse. The main criticism she had for me was that my thesis was a statement and not an argument. My thesis is as follows:
Ludwig von Reizenstein's The Mysteries of New Orleans and Natasha Tretheway's Bellocq's Ophelia illustrate the issues surrounding the race and identity of black women in prostitution in nineteenth century New Orleans.
My supporting points were first, how the women enter prostitution in the two works. In Bellocq's Ophelia she is gently asked to join a brothel when she reaches the poverty line. In the Mysteries of New Orleans the girls are born into it.
My second point was the novelty of their skin color. In Bellocq's Ophelia the women are sought because they could pass for white women. In Mysteries they are sought after because they are exotic.
And finally my last point was about identity. Bellocq's Ophelia was able to examine her identity through photograph and worked to become her own person. The prostitutes in Mysteries were never allowed that opportunity.
Sorry for the length! Any ideas on how to turn my thesis into an argumentative and comparative thesis without changing my entire essay?
Thank you in advance
Ludwig von Reizenstein's The Mysteries of New Orleans and Natasha Tretheway's Bellocq's Ophelia illustrate the issues surrounding the race and identity of black women in prostitution in nineteenth century New Orleans.
My supporting points were first, how the women enter prostitution in the two works. In Bellocq's Ophelia she is gently asked to join a brothel when she reaches the poverty line. In the Mysteries of New Orleans the girls are born into it.
My second point was the novelty of their skin color. In Bellocq's Ophelia the women are sought because they could pass for white women. In Mysteries they are sought after because they are exotic.
And finally my last point was about identity. Bellocq's Ophelia was able to examine her identity through photograph and worked to become her own person. The prostitutes in Mysteries were never allowed that opportunity.
Sorry for the length! Any ideas on how to turn my thesis into an argumentative and comparative thesis without changing my entire essay?
Thank you in advance