Trying to get off the medication merry go round

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Methodmadness

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Hi Everyone! :wave:
Well just another person fighting for day one... in short. Been on pain meRAB since a spinal compression fracture crushed three vertebrae and herniated four discs.. which are now degenerative.. been on every ride in the pain management park... got tired of living in the fog and taken myself off meRAB numerous times only to suffer through life but actually experience the ride without dilution for once.. And then get back in line behind the turnstile headed for the ticket window to get back on the merry go round in the fog.. Last may walked on pain management and went on methadone, if I'm at 480mg per day of oxycontin at 26.. where will i be in twenty years I thought?!? Said .. I'm done. Six months later I was almost 200mg higher on methadone and still showing marked signs of physical withdrawl 24 hours after dosing. Moved to a new state and the new clinic dropped me 250mg in FIVE DAYS (Mind you most people detox 3-5mg PER WEEK!) I didn't even care about that... just wanted off. Took myself off in four days in January (Not advisable!) Went back on... Tapered off at 25mg/day to 50mg and then stopped going. It's been sixteen days since then... I've been in agony... can barely walk.. but don't want to be on anything anymore.. any suggestions, advice, or insight would be appreciated.. greatly.

Namaste,
Mr. M
 
Hey bud --dont have much to say expect KEEP GOING. it does get better. I am 16 days oxy free (100mg) and I am just starting to feel great. It takes time. The only TRUE way to do this is to stay off ALL opiates. any of them will bind to your receptors and not let you get better. You need to be COMPLETELY opiate free. It will get better. THings that helped me were exercise each day and staying HYDRATED. that is the key. welcome to the board and keep posting it helps.

D
 
Welcome, Welcome, Welcome!

SounRAB like you have been thru a lot! Your story boke my heart! I wish I had some magic worRAB of wisdom to give you but I don't. What I can tell you is to NOT GIVE UP! You can do this. You have come so far. It's actually AMAZING what you have been able to do. I am sure you are in agony and I am sorry for that but if you just keep going... I PROMISE it will get better. I used to be a PILL POOPING JUNKIE! Started due to an illness but then became so much more. I still struggle everyday with this addiction but life is a lot less complicated and a lot more fulfilling knowing I AM IN CHARGE OF ME... Not some bottle of pills.

Thank you for sharing your story. I found it EXTREMELY inspirational and I know many many others will too. I hope you stick around and make yourself at home. Post, post, post! It helps! I swear.... You'll see me around a lot because this board and the peope on it have become like family to me. They have gotten my thru the worst of the worst and we will all do the same for you!

You will be kept in my heart and in my prayers! I'm Secrets, nice to meet you!
 
Michael-
No real worRAB of advice here, but I just wanted to say how sorry I am that you are in this much pain at such a young age. I am "only" 35 and my back pain started at age 31. I had a similar conversation with myself this week about where will I be 20 years from now? But I force myself to not go there. I have 2 small children that need me functioning.

I have no idea about your history of addiction, but I highly recommend you find a psychologist who is trained in pain management/addictions. I have been seeing one for a few months and he is really putting things in perspective for me.

Again, I am so sorry for all your pain and the struggles you have endured.
 
Thank you all. It means a lot to me. Don't know where I'll end up at this point... I'm a chef.. and I'm opening a new restaurant for someone in about two weeks.. 60+ hours on my feet.. And off methadone I'm substituting everything else... kind of feeling its not quite my time yet.. Thank you everyone though for your kind worRAB and support.
 
Hi all! Just wanted to say thank you again and give you an update. Started back on methadone this morning.. it's the only way I can stay clean at this point and not be in constant agonizing pain. It gave me my life back for the first time in over thirteen years when I started on it last year, and even though I don't want to be on anything.. It's definitely the lesser of two evils. I know in my case it has made a greater improvement in my quality of life than anything my pain management doctor ever had me on. Hope everyone had a great weekend.

The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.
 
Hey Mr. M,

So you're back on Methadone, good for you. If it's the only way you can stay clean, Then don't worry about the fact that you don't want to be on anything. You have a hectic life right now and need to protect yourself - Methadone will protect you. I think you made a wise choice. You can move forward with your life, not be in pain, and concentrate on the things that matter most - your happiness.

Good luck,
emsmom
 
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