Trying to find my way out

[jon574]

I've been a lurker to this an other message boarRAB for some time, but this morning, my CBT therapist recommended posting something, so here goes...

I'm 35 years old and have been dealing with anxiety, depression and their symptoms for 20 years. Through avoidance, distraction and time, my symptoms went away for the most part, but they were always in the background, something I feared like doom that might come after me at any time.

In my fourth year of college, it came back. I left school, moved home and started seeing a doctor. It was only then that I learned what was wrong, anxiety and depression, and i started on a long path of meRAB. Zoloft first, then paxil after a few years, which worked very well.

I phased off of Paxil after four years and was doing fine. I met my fiancee and things were going great. An overseas plane trip two years ago brought my anxiety back (I've never been a great flier) along with all the thoughts I feared. I went back on Paxil and stabilized.

9 months ago, in the miRABt of selling our home and buying a house, my anxiety came back strong. My GP switched me to Lexapro and it was OK, although never with the real remission that I had with Paxil. I got married in the fall, another high stress event, but it went very well and I figured I would be getting incrementally better.

But the last several weeks have been progressively worse and worse. A constant high level of anxiety and depression. Worst of all is the derealization, which has always been my biggest problem, my most pronounced fear and the most terrifying and debilitating part of my problems. You never hear that much about when reading, nor about terrifying it is, or how hard it is to get out of.

That's where I am right now. Every minute of every day is a struggle, and I count myself happy if I keep it together, but in the back of my mind, I remeraber that there was a time when I didn't feel like this, and I miss it and wonder if I will get back there.

I'm trying to get a psychiatrist because the Lex clearly isnt working any more, but that's tougher to do than I thought. I'm trying to be patient but I'm tired, and I'm scared - I don't want to feel this way anymore, I don't want to keep wondering if everything around me - my wife and our daughter and EVERYTHING - is real and terrified about the world and my future.

Does this sound familiar to anyone? Knowing there's anybody out there who's felt the same helps

 

[marian100]

When my anxiety was at it's worst I experienced depersonalization. Not a good thing. I too have had these issues off and on.. I went 27 years between episodes but it has been back for 5 1/2 years now. I am on buspar for anxiety and a small amount of celexa. I do okay for the most parts until my hormones change. I would recommend seeing a psychiatrist for meRAB. I went through a few different antidepressants with the various side effects until I saw the psych dr. He put me on buspar and I love it. Except can stop working or not work so well over time. But it still helps. Hope this was helpful to you. I am not on here very often so if you reply I probably won't see it. God bless and happy new year.

 

[tlclifton]

You sound exactly like my 15 year old son. He derealization started back in August. He went through some depression and lots of anxiety. He is now on Prozac. 5 minutes ago he texted me and said he wants to go off the Prozac because he does not think it is helping him it is making him worse. He says he feels like he is floating at times and at others he says he has no clue what he is doing. He plays basketball for school and his grades have dropped considerably. He is close to losing his ability to play the sport which he loves so much because he cannot focus when he is at school. He sees someone every other week for his condition and I thought he was doing better until he went back to school after the holiday break. I hope someone on here has the answer for both you and my son.

 

[mtdeffend]

There are ALOT of people who can understand what you are going through. Myself included. That has been one of my main anxiety symptoms for a long time! It comes and goes of course. But like now for example, it has come back. We run a business, we're trying to move and pretty much it's complete craziness for us right now. So....my symptoms have come back. It sucks I know. But it does go away. Once things calm down in your life it'll get better. I may have missed this in your post, but why didn't you go back on the Paxil if it worked for you? Good luck to you and you willbe fine!