Trying again

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Lugar22

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Sweetie,if you feel like you could go CT when you get down a bit more then you go for it. There are lots here that will support your choice (anyone you make) and that includes me. Hows the chills? Layer your clothing and try to move about a bit....I find that helps a little when Im like that. And a hot water bottle.
Want to know how your night went....did you sleep OK?
Let me know
CC
P.S was wondering if,when you get clean and sober,you will change your sign on to 'perky'? hahaha
 
I've been on oxycodone IR for chronic back/leg pain for almost six years. I've tried several times in the past year to taper off it, because my life literally revolves around the darn pills. I was an addict back in the 60's/70's -- I knew I should never have popped that first Percocet when the ortho gave me the scrip. Hello...addictive personality. I ended up taking one every night...similar to having that nightly cocktail. When I got larger amounts, I increased my daily dose accordingly. Eventually, I was using more than I was even prescribed, and would have to ration at the end of the month.

I hate myself for being in this position again, even if I am taking it for legitimate pain. Every time I've tried to taper, invariably I end up going off it because I become literally incapacitated -- one, with increasing fiery pain, but also because I need the Oxy just to function. It would be fine if I could find a few weeks in which to just lie around and be incapacitated, but something important always intervenes.

So...I'm trying again. I want so much to count out what I need for the taper and flush the rest, but I'm so afraid because I've never completely finished a taper, so I don't know what to expect. What if my taper schedule is too aggressive, then I don't have enough left to stretch it out. So, for now, I will just see how it goes. I was down to half my normal dose a few weeks ago....now I'm starting over from scratch! I could kick myself....
 
Thanks so much for your support, Lugar, and for asking about my son. He got approval for 7 days in the dual diagnosis unit (addiction and mental health) and is on anti-depressants, which I hope will make a difference. He hasn't contacted me but his counselor said he doesn't seem to be too uncomfortable. I hope he can get approved for additional weeks there.

As for me, tomorrow is down to 1.5 pills....so I've decided to keep the dose the same (.25 pill) and just extend the hours, thereby eliminating one of the doses. The pills are meant to be taken every 4-6 hours, and I've been taking them WAY more often than that. I think they come in a 5 mg version, but it's a capsule -- not easy to split. I can't get any more 'til my next doctor's appt. anyway, which is week after next. I should be finished the taper by then. If I'm still feeling bad, maybe he can prescribe regular 5 mg Perc tabs that I could split down four ways....although geez, I hope not. I want OFF!!!
 
Good job NotPerky!
You will not know your true level of legitmate pain is until you have been off the perks for a week or 2. You body may of healled more then you think! Think positive attitude is everything. I never managed to stick to a tapper long enough, thats why I had to go cold t. I'm at day 23 clean. Get there however works for you, just get there!!!
Carrara
 
Hey Perks! Thanks for letting me know bout your son - gives me some encouragement. I think also that the more weeks he can do inpatient the better. Will pray on that one.
So pleased you sound a lot brighter - it seems to be on the up and up. Good going matey.Yeah,splitting capsules not a good idea - just very messy. So it seems that missing out a dose is a good start. let me know how that goes,eh?
Take care
love...CC xoxox
 
Ok Perky --Take a deep breath. we can do this. There is no real pefect way to do this. Let me tell you what I just did and you can relate. Last monday i went to my DR and said that I wanted OFF this OXY . I was taking 80mg tab plus each day. I knew that I could not get anyone and it was the end for me. I got scared and wanted to Taper (like I have in the past) I knew what I wanted going into the DR's office, but that is always different. Clodine (bp stuff) sleep aiRAB, anxiety stuff. YA RIGHT.. He put me on a Rapid 6-5-4-3-2-1-1-1-1 ( 10 mg oxy) for 9 days! Said --you can do it, pain med detox never killed anyone! I would like to have him feel what I am feeling right now. So, as the week went on and I was very comfortable at night, didnt need the pills much during the day. The demon would call around 2-3 in afternoon. I started to feel like I wasnt making any ground and really scared about the 2 pills and the 1 pill days. So I flushed all of them for the weekend and said SCREW IT. CT FOR ME BABY. I am right in the middle of the hardest days 3-4. Friday night was my last pills. So you can do this, Nights for me are the worst, because days you can get aorund or lie around. I feel trapped in a cage at night. I hope it gets a bit better tonight. So as you can see, it is all a frame of mind you have to put yourself in. You have to be ready to do and REALLY ready to do it.

D
 
Hi all -- Lugar, you did give me a chuckle with your question about whether my screen name will change to "Perky" -- I wish!!! Although, like Secrets, I miss the artificial "pill energy" that would get me up cleaning this house, without the back pain that normally bothers me after I try even a minimum amount of cleaning. Sometimes the pill energy would cause me to shop/buy things I didn't need, so that part of it I won't miss...LOL!

Anyway, I'm still on the taper -- down to 2.25 pills today! Last night and this morning, during chills and WRAB, I considered stopping the taper and staying on this dosage for awhile. But I don't want to!!! I want to be off this stuff by the time my son gets out of rehab and be able to honestly tell him I'm off it. And I have to keep remerabering that 2.25 15-mg pills is still the equivalent of over SIX 5/325 Percocets a day. So in no way am I close to the finish line, but I am making great progress and I cannot slow down! I also am thinking about the fact that if I stop and let my body "get used to" the dosage I'm on now, I'll just have to start over with the WRAB. So I've talked myself into forging ahead!

Lugar, the chills that I'm feeling are hard to describe, but it's a bone-chilling cold....not to be gross, but even the toilet seat is freezing....it goes right through you....oh, and then of course, I get the sweats later. You guys know how lovely the WRAB are.

I hope everyone else is doing well today. Also, my computer is acting up so if you don't hear from me, it might be because the darn thing has finally gone down.
 
I'm still sticking to my taper plan. Today will be my first day going under 3 pills -- yayyy!!! Psychologically, it is a big milestone. Granted, it is difficult to cut these little pills up in any exact manner, but my goal is 2.75 today. I wish the pills were bigger, because the smaller fractions look like nothing -- despite the fact the fractions are equivalent to the big Percs I was taking initially (one per day). I have to remeraber that even though it looks like I'm taking nothing, it's still equivalent to EIGHT 5/325 Percs.

Oh, and here's fantastic news: My son, who's been in detox since Sat., is going into rehab today! He had been unsure whether he was going to do that, but I received a call that he's going. He's initially approved by M.A. for 7 days, but hopefully that can be extended. He hasn't called me directly, but I am just glad to hear he's safe and willing to get some help. I'm hoping by the time he comes home (if he comes here), I'll be done with Oxy and there will be none in the house.
 
Hey NotPerky,

I am so proud of you for sticking to your plan!!! That is a BIG DEAL and an accomplishment that you should be very proud of.

We of course will be here to support you!! I promise!!!! Things may have been kind of hectic for me lately.. I still will not let you guys down.. You all mean WAY too much to me.

Stay strong.. I know you can do it and I am so happy for your son!! What great news!!!!! I will say some prayers for both of you!
XOXOOXOX
 
Hey you!

YOU ARE DOING GREAT!!! It's not easy to taper and it takes a ton of will power so I am very proud and happy for you... I know it took every ounce of self control for me not to take more than i should but I didn't and it soon ended. Just keep doing what you are doing and you will succeed.

I am very hopeful for your son and I keep him in my thoughts and prayers as well as you of course.. I hope you both come out of this incredibly proud of one another.

Thinking of you!
 
Alright,poppit,at least you are back agin trying. For me,Ive had several relapses but keep coming back again. Each time we relapse,we gain a new insight and a bit more strength. You can do this. Fullcircle gave great advice.....and he knows what hes talking about. Everyones different though so try to be really honest with yourself about how you want to handle the taper. Theres no point feeling like its not gonna work before you've even started. You have been successful in reducing your dose before so you can do it again.......but this time try to get as much support and distraction going on as you can think of. Schedule you're time.
We are all addicts.....but ones who are now at a place of wanting to change.That is the first step and move forward from that. We can give you as much support as you like and the advice from those on here is awesome. Hang in there,mate,and try to focus on why you're trying to do this. You will get there in the end.
Here when you need it
CC xoxox
 
Hey you!

DANG W/D....... I wish you were feeling better.. I am so proud of your attitude.. The power to forge ahead is one that a lot of people don't ever find so YOU GO GIRL!

I am sorry you are dealing with back pain. That makes it even harder. When I did my taper I was fine other than the w/d... SO it must be harder for those of you with chronic pain to deal with the w/d on top all the normal pain you deal with. I commend you.

I hope this message finRAB you warm, snug as a bug and that you have calm legs and get some good rest. I know you have lots of cleaning to do but baby step and I know you will get it all done. Remeraber.. NO ONE said you have to be super woman.

Love to you friend!
XOXOXO
 
Darlin.......so very chuffed for you. Such good going........but how did it go today going under that 3 mark? Let me know.
CC xoxox\ox
 
Hi guys....you are going to hate me....well, I took more than my taper dose today. Scenario was, as I was getting lower and lower, I was feeling worse and worse. To the point where I couldn't even go to the store and get food, so I end up eating crackers or popcorn for dinner. I took a clonidine last night when I woke up in the middle of the night in WD....well, those things make me a zorabie, so that could've been part of why I felt so bad.

OK, so anyway, I had to make a major decision today....don't want to divulge too many personal details, but suffice it to say, it's a pressure situation, has huge consequences and required a lot of analysis and careful thought. I felt so horrible, I couldn't focus or even think....so I ended up taking a couple extra doses of the oxy. I know...excuses, excuses. But honestly, I can't even function without this crap! I am hoping I can continue on the lower dose, but who the heck can afford to spend days just wasting away while going through h***....oh gawdddd.
 
As I was told a few times, don't beat yourself up if you fall back a step, just know that you need to continue forward. I tapered too fast and dropped too much at each step and I ended up jumping back up to a higher dose (a few times) and taking it slower. Just keep the end goal in your mind of where you are headed and keep moving toward that goal.

I have hiked rim-to-rim in the Grand Canyon three times (24 miles South to North, 5000 ft down, 6000 ft up). The first time I hiked it, I was completely dead going up the North Rim and I still had 2 more miles to go. I couldn't just lay down in the trail and quit, so I would take a few steps, rest and take a few more. Finally I got into a rhythm of heading straight ahead with the goal of just making the next step. I kept my head down and concentrated only on the next goal. There were places where the mules pooped in the middle of the trail, and I wouldn't even spend the extra energy to step one extra step to the side and I walked right through it. Besides being a totally irrelevant story, the morale is just to keep moving toward your goal, step-by-step, even through the mule poop and once you reach the top of the Grand Canyon there is no other feeling quite like it. That's the same feeling over being off of your drug.

Keep moving forward!!!
 
Well, I got my cleaning done (it's for house showings) but my back was soooo tired and in pain. I'm down to 2 today!!! I had to take my 11 AM dose early so I could get out of bed and get the place straightened up, but now I'm back on track. I am still trying to find the energy to take a shower....I'm so cold.

I've mapped out my taper schedule for tomorrow, but I'm not sure how to handle it after that. The dosages will be down to .25 pill (3.75 mg) and it'll be difficult to break it down any further without just pulverizing the pill....so should I just start stretching out the time between doses then? I would still like to reduce the dose so my body gets used to smaller amounts each time though. Any advice from taper veterans would be appreciated.
 
Well, I'm trying it a bit differently this time. Instead of dragging it out and reducing by a few MG at a time every couple days, I'm reducing a quarter-pill (3.75 MG) each day. The good news is -- yesterday I was "scheduled" for 3.75 pills, but I only took 3.5. WOW! So today's dose is 3.25. Psychologically, it seems better to count pills instead of MG.

Also for psychological reasons, I don't want to flush the rest until I'm finished with the taper. If I know I don't have them, I think I'll immediately start worrying and feeling sicker (with WRAB) than I really am. It will become a huge concern. I do have strong willpower (I quit smoking CT) and I know I can do this. It's not like I wasn't motivated the last few times I tried, but my son's addiction has really been the final straw. If I expect him to be clean, I've gotta be clean. He's already questioned me on how, if I have a history of addiction, I am able to take narcotics for pain. I was floored! I told him I don't take them to get high, but for legitimate pain. But in my heart, I know he's right -- I should've never taken even ONE.
 
Lugar, so far, so good today but I am so cold....it is freezing here but I think I am affected with the chills. I can see why people just decide to quit the taper and cold-turkey when they get down to a pill or two....if you already feel like crap every day even with the taper dosage, why not go all the way.
 
Hiya sweets....so pleased that your taper is going to plan. You know I dont do the pill thing so its hard to know about how to handle it when it gets that small. Does the pills come in lower dosage? If not,maybe try stretching out the time between doses. I think you're doing so well - you really have some strength and determination which shines through in your post. I know your sons in the same boat as me....any news on hows hes doing? I think its great that you want to support his sobriety by committing to you own. You truely are leading by example. Them chills any better? I know what you mean about being cold to the core and nothing seems to warm you up. It will get better though.
Me? Im not even gonna talk about my weekend it has been a nightmare,safe to say.
So pleased to here from you,Perky. Im gonna call you that from now on anyways cause I think it will soon suit ya!!!:p
Goodnight friend,
love CC
 
Sweetie......you seem to have a good plan made for yourself. We are all individual and must choose what will be successful for ourselves,whether that be CT or taper. Im so very glad that you are headed in the right direction.Use us on this board whenever you feel the need.Well done,hun!
love...........CC xoxox
P.s I hope your son is doing alright. Try not to worry to much....he's doing a great thing.
 
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