Tough Day....

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mel486

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Secrets - you know where to come to get help and lean on people for support - Right Here. I am now officially Drug Free (even tho I claimed it a few days ago because I knew I was) - but today is Day 7, since my last Perc and I consider it official now!!

I plan on attending NA meetings and Secrets, you should also. You will have additional, on-the-spot support from NA, where sometimes you have to wait for people to get logged into this group and reply to your post. I think the meeting will do us both good listening to other people and what they have been through and how they got over it.

Wishing you the best!
 
Secrets...
I don't post that much, but I do lurk on here everyday. I have noticed that you are the single most diligent individual on this forum, responding to every single post with a message of hope and prayer.

You are truly an angel and, although I cannot physically help pull you through this trying time of craving, it's high time someone sent to YOU a message of hope and prayer.

This prayer is sent on your behalf in hopes that you are feeling a bit better tonight. You have a heart of gold and are to be highly commended for the radiant beams of positive energy that you infuse this forum with daily.

Hugs to you,
Lou
 
Hey Guys,

Just needed to vent a little... Today has been difficult! I have been having craving after cravings and I just can't seem to shake it today! Normally I can busy myself and distract myself but today has not gone that way. It seems like it's constantly on my mind... Even last night I swear it was the last thing I was thinking about before I fell asleep.

I know I can get thru it and not use.. but today has just rattled me a little bit and I don't know why today has been harder than others. I have not have cravings this strong since right after I quit and while I was tapering.

Well, I just wanted to be able to voice that out loud to people who understand instead of just suffer in silence. Thanks for listening. I will be fine!

Hope you are all having easy days!
~Secrets
 
I agree with Lou, Secrets. It's about time somebody sent one your way. I'll pray for you before I sleep tonight.

It's too bad you couldn't "sneak" off to an NA meeting. You might be a little nervous walking in. However, I promise that by the time you are ready to leave, you will feel right at home and will be glad that you went. These meetings are truly amazing.

Good night, God bless and a great big hug from a fellow addict,

mk
 
Do you attend na or aa meetings?

For some reason, on a bad day, a meeting will knock me right out of the craving to get loaded. I also have a phone list that was given to me my first night in na. I'll use the phone list to talk to somebody who understanRAB about my addiction. A conversation with an addict who cares can be a life saver. One last trick I will try is saying the serenity prayer to myself, over and over again. It goes like this: "God. Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference."

Good luck. I hope you feel better soon.

mk
 
Oh secrets, I know it sounRAB crazy but to a newbie like me you are a real inspiration. Even on a tough day you have this underlying 'onwarRAB and upwarRAB' attitude that comes thru your posts. I just know that everyone here is praying for you and sending big cuddles. Here comes one from me too!!
Tomorrow will be better.
 
I am truly and completely speechless...... Which usually NEVER happens to me!!!! HAHAHA (taking a couple of moments to gather my thoughts...)
Ok.

Denon, You are right! I really should go to meetings! In fact it's been waying on me so heavily.... I feel like it's only right to be open with my husband and then I would be able to attend meetings and be more proactive in my recovery.... I even had a dream last night where I told him and it was so real that when I woke up this morning it took me a couple of minutes to realize it was a dream! In my dream he was very supportive but I will admit that I was so relieved that it was just a dream... I don't know.. I will think more on it...

Lou, Mk & Lugar, WorRAB can't even begin to describe how your posts made me feel. I am so thankful for your prayers, support and genuine compassion! Your prayers and well wishes must have worked because today is a better day! A much better day! I feel so thankful and blessed to have this support system and I really don't know what I would have done if I would not have sturabled onto this website.... So.. thank you from the bottom of my heart for your support and very kind worRAB. You all truly helped me in a very big way!

I hope everyone is having a good day today! It seems this journey is one big roller coaster ride.... Even moment to moment... One minute I feel strong as a warrior.. the next as fragile as a feather.. But it's teaching me so many life lessons and molding me into the new woman I am.

Thank you, Thank you, Thank you!!!!

XOXOXOOX
~Secrets
 
Hi secrets! I have been reading all of your posts on these board. I'm glad to finally respond to one of them :)

I am currently in your exact shoes. Day 5 of sub's, going cold turkey, sitting at work with 9 hours to go.
The only thing on my mind is that little orange pill. All I have to do is just...take one and all of this will go away.., or will it? Is it real or just imagination. I'm just fooling myself. Lying to myself.

And it is hell, you of all people know EXACTLY what it feels like.

I do have a question though, have you thought about going to the gym and using the sauna/steam to "sweat" out everything? I'm going to the gym after work to sign up. Can't hurt to give it a try.
 
Hey secrets, I am new to these board and I have read several of your posts. You have made a difference in my life we last week, I barely found this site last week. I am a chronic pain patient, I need to be at 6 a day with norco I was wd all last week. You and everyone else got me through last week that's for sure. I am not cutting down that quick this week, I feel ok. I hope that your day and night go easier, you are making such a huge difference in so many lives. Thank you::)
 
Hey you guys!

Thank you so much for your replies! I really appreciate them!!! Just getting it off my chest seemed to help me deal with it better and reading your replies helps as well!! So thank you very much!

MK, I do not attend any meetings.. it's really ignorant on my part but I have not told anyone but you guys on here about my addiction so this is my only outlet.... I feel too ashamed to share this with my family or frienRAB in real life. I know.... NOT smart at all to deal with addiction this way! Thank you for reminding me of the Serenity prayer! I used to say it all the time.. I will start again! I appreciate your support so very much!

Sverige82, Nice to formally meet you :wave: Thank you so very much for your reply. It does feel comforting to me to not be alone in this so thank you for that! As for the little orange pill situation... I promise you that if you take it.. you would be fooling yourself! As much as I crave, I know that those pills are my enemy... I hope you stay strong on knowing that too!!! When you have those thoughts ( I have them too) I always tell myself... This is just the drug still trying to take control and I AM IN CONTROL! The drug is powerful and will do ANYTHING for you to put more in your system.. This is a WAR and we have to defend ourselves which is why I am here! I am glad you are here too. As for the gym.. I LOVE THE IDEA! I just don't have any extra money right now at all.. my husband has not worked in over 4 months and we are living off of my income alone. I think the stress of that whole situation is also triggering my cravings as well if I can be honest!

Crocheting, What you wrote really made me feel good!! Thank you! I needed that! I am so happy to hear that I helped you in some way!!! I am so glad!!! You have no idea how happy that makes me! I always think to myself that if I can help other people the way others have helped me on here than this whole journey is worth it so thank you! I hope you are doing okay and that your pain is not too bad right now.. Living with chronic pain is something I don't have to live with and can't imagine trying to give up pain pills if I was in chronic pain. Those of you out there who have done this... AMAZE ME! So... that just shows how strong you truly are! keep up the good work and thank you so VERY much for your reply!

I feel a lot better already thanks to all of you! You all are my angels! :angel:
~Secrets
 
I will attend my first NA meeting tomorrow. I want to hear what they have to say and ask questions about my recovery process. Getting more and more ideas and answers from people that have been through this can only help us in our weak times. I'm erabarrassed to say I had a weak time last night. :(

I was SOOOOoooooooo close last night to falling off the wagon, so to speak, but fortunately my wife is a very light sleeper and there would have been no way I would have been able to open the drawer w/o her hearing where she hid the pills. I dreamed about the Oxy last night. That's how bad I was! My mind told me, "Oh, those aches in your back will go away with just one little pill." I came so close!! I forced myself to take Tylenol instead. That's why I need NA and once we all recover we need that additional support. I have three different hot-lines I can call 24 hours a day if I need help. Sometimes you just need to talk to someone right then and there to help you through your rough times.

It would be wonderful if your spouse were there to support you as well. It has helped me considerably! Ask him not to judge, but for his honest help and support. It's OK for him to be disappointed and let him know that, but tell him that you need his help to complete the journey. I'm going to ask my wife to attend the NA meeting with me, so she can hear about it as well. I'll leave it up to her to attend or not. I will always need her support.
 
I agree with Denon about meetings they give you strength and you learn alot.

Your spouse doesn't need to go if they don't want to. My husband has attended some meetings and he learned alot. The good thing about the program is they have activities for the family, they have picnic's dances and pot lucks, camping trips all geared towarRAB showing the family life after addiction and we can have fun sober!!!!!

Good luck and Denon check in with us after your meeting and tell us how it went.

Love you Guys,
Lori:wave::p
 
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