J
jacritch
Guest
Today is the big day...I am excited but so nervous. The w/d's are getting a bit better...still have major muscle twitches...nauseau and feelings of blah. I was up late last night finishing up some paperwork for work. Now I am up early to face my day......trying to feel just okay. Last night was so tough for me...I wanted to pick up and use.....just one last time. I have been 6 days now clean and sober and it doesn't seem as if it is getting easier. I do know I need to take it time for my body to heal and my heart to heal.
I was supposed to stay at my boyfriend's last night...but he told me to leave. I was spending too much time on work and not enough on him. I have lied, cheated, and stole drugs from him. I love him....but I have to work on me and our relationship right now is toxic. I spent the weekend listening to how much I had hurt him and I take full responsibility for it...but I felt like when I was a child gettting lectured by my dad. But the sad thing is I really felt I deserved it. My cognitive side of my brain knows better....but I am an addict and that part of my brain is not there right now. I do not feel worthy right now to be treated gentle.
I am 46 year old grandmother and I need to stay sober for me so I can be a great grandmother....aunt......sister...daughter...friend. I do have great frienRAB and one of them is bringing me today to rehab. I so hope soon to find happiness within myself and so the steps after rehab to stay clean.
I will be posting on here when I return. I am not sure what my computer priviledges will be when I get there.
Take care and thanks for your support.
Judy
I was supposed to stay at my boyfriend's last night...but he told me to leave. I was spending too much time on work and not enough on him. I have lied, cheated, and stole drugs from him. I love him....but I have to work on me and our relationship right now is toxic. I spent the weekend listening to how much I had hurt him and I take full responsibility for it...but I felt like when I was a child gettting lectured by my dad. But the sad thing is I really felt I deserved it. My cognitive side of my brain knows better....but I am an addict and that part of my brain is not there right now. I do not feel worthy right now to be treated gentle.
I am 46 year old grandmother and I need to stay sober for me so I can be a great grandmother....aunt......sister...daughter...friend. I do have great frienRAB and one of them is bringing me today to rehab. I so hope soon to find happiness within myself and so the steps after rehab to stay clean.
I will be posting on here when I return. I am not sure what my computer priviledges will be when I get there.
Take care and thanks for your support.
Judy