Tired of pills

  • Thread starter Thread starter Secrets1983
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Secrets: I did go to my appointment. My doctor referred me to a pain management clinic and I am going to that appt on Noveraber 19. I didn't cry at all in my doc appt yesterday, I think, because I was so petrified and scared. My PCP didn't really have time to help me (that is what she said). I think she was very disappointed in me and it kind of showed. She was completely shocked when I told her. She was supportive, but I felt like she really didn't want to deal with me. My emotions were so terrible yesterday, that I felt she really didn't want much to do with me. This morning, I feel that she is doing the best she can. I threw a lot at her and I could tell she was completely shocked. She probably did the right thing in referring me to a clinic that deals with this sort of thing all of the time. I am so ashamed right now. I have let people down and that hurts. On the other side of this, I am not afraid of getting better, because it is what I want. My husband thought I was probably reading stuff into her reactions that wasn't there. He keeps telling me, "You made a mistake and you want to fix it." He is right, but does this shame every go away?

Sorry for the pitiful post. I do hope you are doing well today. I am thinking of you and wishing you the best. I hope you have a wonderful weekend.
 
The shame goes away in time.
I can relate to how you feel.
Just remeraber all of us addicts at one point or another hurt someone else.
We were not ourselves.
We were using, and this effected everything that we are.
 
Hey there. Just read through your thread and I am also in Denver and going through a similar situation. Im actually going through a relapse from being clean from pill for about a yr. Im currently pregnant and a Dr prescribed me some good ol pills and I took them knowing better and am now determined to get better before I have the baby in Jan. Anyway just thought it would be nice to be able to relate with someone especially since we're in the same town. Good luck to you an trust me you can get off it... the hardest part is the mental part and unfortunately for me I let it get the best of me and relapsed. But this time I never want to go through this again so I write down all the pain Ive been going through to make sure I can remind myself.
 
You are welcome. Just remeraber, whatever Friday does hold, it will be nothing like the rest of your life will be drug-free. Norco is 10/325 Hydrocodone. Same as vicoden, but stronger. I believe our minRAB are very powerful, and you CAN DO THIS!!!! Just like I am going to do this. I have read a lot on these sights and they say that hot baths help some with the achy legs. It feels like electricity is going through them, I know. Take deep breaths and remeraber, you are not alone. We are all in this together.
 
Secret. I get up from my desk three times per day and go outside and take mini-walks. They last 4-5 minutes, but it seems to help my legs some. Or just go outside and walk around a bit. It is cold here today, but I have done it twice.
 
Hey there. Thank you for the post. How did you get off of them the first time, if you don't mind me asking? I believe you that the mental part is the hardest part. I am so nervous about my PM doc appt. I have been getting my meRAB off of the street, and I am afraid if I tell him that, he will tell me to get lost. MY PCP is sending me to him for a taper down program, and so far, I have been doing that on my own, with success. I am still on 40 mg of hydro a day though. Was on 60 mg two weeks ago. I am thinking of just doing this on my own, instead of being humiliated. Last night, I thought I would just cancel my appt, but them my PCP would probably find out I did that, and she probably wouldn't want anything else to do with me either. I just don't know what to do. ANy suggestions? Thanks again for your post. We can get through this TOGETHER! You have a wonderful baby due in couple of months, so anything I can do for you, just let me know. TaCot
 
N8tivecenter: Well, through much tears, I called my primary doc this morning and am going in this afternoon to discuss my problem. She has no idea this is coming and I am very nervous. I called a hotline nuraber here in town and spoke with someone there and she told me that I should call my PCP first. Then, if my PCP can't help me, to call another place and get connected to an addictionologist. I want off of these pills right now. I am so tired of taking them. I am not scared of quitting; I am afraid of the w/d's. That is so crazy, I know. But, I am tired of taking pills just so I don't have w/d's. God, I hope my doctor will help me. I hope I don't scare her off. Thanks again for your advice and kind worRAB.
 
I am new here and need some help. I have been taking 6 Norco a day for four years. I am sick of this controlling my life and want to stop. I have decided to taper and figured out a schedule last night. I am very nervous and scared. Does anyone know of a doctor in Denver that I could go to for help with Soboxone? I am not even sure if I should do that either. I have tried to stop this evil drug before only to get so sick and have sleepless nights that I couldn't take it. My husband knows and is by my side, but he can't undestand this anxiety. Please help!
 
Hey,

I am sorry you are going thru this ugly battle too. I am right there with you and yes, it is scary but let me tell you... IF I CAN DO IT... YOU CAN TOO! Tomorrow is the last day of my wean down program and I am scared to death but you know what?? I am so sick of counting pills and constantly worried about running out that it is also a relief. I try to focus on something positive when it gets the worst.. That has gotten me thru the last couple weeks of withdrawels.
Just know we are here for you and I really hope you choose to get off these evil drugs! It's so crazy to me that I could love something so much (pills) and then hate them just as much!! UGH. Well, post anytime you need support!
Hang in there!
~Secrets
 
I am an addict and have been on Norco for several years. I am on six pills a day. I want to taper off of them. I have read a lot of posts here and decided that this is what I should try. Should I try Suboxone? Does anyone know of a doctor in Denver, CO that I should go to, or should I go to my primary doctor? I love my primary doc and I think she would help me, but I am so scared. I am trying to hold it together, but am crying constantly, and so scared!!! I have the support of my husband, which I can see, is a must. I have cut my intake to 5 pills per day starting this week. I sit at my desk and bounce my legs non-stop so they don't hurt so much. I feel like such a loser and really want to stop this drug!! I need some support from someone who has gone through this. Anyone who can help would be greatly appreciated. I feel so lonely.
 
Terri,

My computers went down for a while but I just got back on. I will be with you too at that appointment. I will be praying... I will be thinking and sending strength your way. We are all in this together and we will be here for you when you return. I am at work until 5:30 central time but don't have a computer at home.... SO I will keep checking until then.

Hang in there.... BE STRONG. I know you can be! You gave me such strength yesterday when I needed it the most so let me do the same for you. You ARE worth this. And be so thankful you have a supportive spouse. Most are not so make sure you let him know how much you love him. That is what I do for mine.

HOPE STARTS TODAY!
Love,
Secrets
 
THANK you for all of your kind worRAB and advice. The walking thing I am doing along with the baths.. I have to laugh because I must take like 3 baths a day and I have lost like 6 lbs because I am walking and moving my legs so much.. Not funny but it will be when it's all over.
Thank you for your strength and kind worRAB.. I will be able to sign back on in the morning 9am central time. I am in Minnesota so I totally get cold!! haha However, it's been in the 60's this week.. It's kind of freakish for minnesota. Well, I have to go for the day but I really hope you are back on tomorrow!!! THANKS SO MUCH.. you will be in my thoughts as prayers as I make it thru this night ahead.
SINCERELY!
~Secrets
 
Your PCP referred you to a Pain Clinic and you are trying to GET OFF PILLS ? That doesn't make sense.:confused: Pain management is all about managing pain. They do prescribe narcotic pain meRAB but also do procedures that are supposed to get rid of certain pain. If you are a chronic pain sufferer, then you may face a life of pain meRAB. If you want a life where you don't have to hunt and scrape for your next pill then PM may prescribe you 30 days worth of meRAB a month. Some do a long acting med with short acting for break through pain. If you simply want to come off all medications then they may be able to assist with Sub to assist with the WD's. If you want to manage your pain then they can help with that maybe with a taper program with trigger point injections or SI injects and nerve blocks.
 
You are never alone in addiction.
All of us in this world are connected to each other. A lot of people choose not to feel that.

I can help you with support. I have been sober for 4 years.
It is SCARY.
Getting sober is the most beautiful and ugly feeling at the same time. It is all new and you are dealing with so much of what the pills did to you that you don't even know where to start, right?

Start by doing what you think that you should do. Go with your instinct. It is always 100% accurate.

Reply if you would like, or need.

Hope you find what you are looking for--YOU.
 
Thank you so much for your reply. I am on such an emotional roller coaster right now, it is unbelievable. Just seeing your response had me in tears. I am so ashamed of what I have become and just thinking about that has me in tears. Maybe, if I spoke with my doctor, some of this weight on my shoulders would go away? I am so scared to make that call. I am so afraid that she will tell me to get lost. I have gone down to 5 pills a day since Saturday and so far, I can handle the wd's. I know they will get a lost worse and that scares me too. God, how did I get into this mess? Again, thank you for your response. You really did make me feel a lot better this morning.
 
TERRI,

I AM SO PROUD OF YOU!!!!!!!! I just read this and my arms have goose bumps... I AM HERE FOR YOU! YOU CAN DO THIS. They will put you on a wean/taper program and you CAN do it.

I will be here for every step of the way for you. You have done so much for me already in one short day that I will be here for anything you need.

What time is your appoitnment today.. I will say some prayers for you that he will give you strength thru this time.
Cheers to starting a new life!
~Secrets
 
Thank you very much. I go from crying from anxiety, to wanting this whole thing to just be over. I hate pills!!! I am not going to do anything but go forward from this point on, no looking back. I would like to thank all of you for your support right now. I will let you know how things went at the docs when I get back to work tomorrow. I usually don't post at night since I am on a computer all day.
 
Sorry haven't been on. I also have a 3 and 4 yr old and work part time. But the first time and this time I did tapering. And both times I was also getting them off the streets after running out of my doc's script. I think your doc will help so much.

The first time I was on it for about 2 years and finally got tired of them and tried to cold turkey and b/c I was so determined I flushed the rest of what I had. Well..... I couldn't do it and my husband was so supportive so thankfully he was there with me but he ended up taking me to the hopsital b/c I really thought I was dying. I was up to about 8-10 a day and the after the ER visit they gave me only a few xanax (just enough to get me time to get an appt with my primary). I was lucky to get into my primary that day and I told her the truth and she was nothing but great and resourceful. I was taking percocet and she said she would wean me off but we used vicodin and klonipin. Within one month I was able to wean off. I felt shitty but I was ready.

This second time unfortunately I had a few pain issues with my pregnancy and my doc wrote me a script for vicodin and even though I knew better I took them. Damn that took me back! He wrote me enough for a couple weeks and then I figured since he thought iit was okay to them I made a phone call and got a few more. I spiraled back up to 6-8 or so a day and had such guilt but tried to do it myself but b/c I had them available I kept justifying taking another one. It went on for about 6 weeks and then I just got rid of them (again) and went to my OB and told him the truth and said that I have to wean off b/c cold turkey or a huge jump down is more dangerous for the baby. Needless to say I am doing it! This time last month I was upto 6-8 and have weaned down to just a half of a 500mg vicodin and it's at night b/c I cannot sleep. I go on Monday and he said we'll try a sleeping aid but Im so hesitant b/c I have an addictive personalilty.

Sorrry for the long response. LOL
 
I will be here. Yea, I think you know what cold is about worse than we do here in CO. Have a peaceful night.
 
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