Thoughts on my poem? [at least read please?]?

N

native_pride924

New member
This is the result of a restless night just thinking, i'm no pro but tell me what you think:

it was so unreal, life was but a dream
like row row your boat
but i'm not rockin' the biggest chain
about that i dont sing
cause my money’s still the same
it's where i was from
to what i've become
down the wrong road, is where i would have gone
wouldn't get the chance to write this song
i would only see the bad i did, not the good i've done
i'm glad i never ever gone that far wrong
you could say i was blind, to me i just couldn't see
what was around me
like the middle of the sea
call this a song, call it a poem, i'll call it me
amazing what you can do, when your mind is free
so with that remember, you are your worst enemy
 
oh my gosh :0
that is amazing.
i am insanely obsessed with it!
haha, call me crazy; but i think it is jaw dropping. so real, and true to the impact and hecticness of life. i love it:) if you have any more you'd like to share, post em! this is one i love, however i can't call it my own :(

he was crippled,
but only his body was cracked,
it's not that simple,
nor is it an easy matter to explain.
"let's just leave it at that,"
she says.
she shuts the holy book of lies,
covers her eyes,
denying to herself
what she thought had happened.

okay, that's it.
isn't it just.. speechless?
:)
you answer that
 
I like this very much. It meanders, as thoughts do in the middle of the night, but comes up with great insight. Do you keep a writer's journal; if so, this could be one of the items you found by just writing. gg

I LOVE this couplet:
you could say i was blind, to me i just couldn't see
what was around me

I need to practice what I preach and get a journal; maybe I'd come up with such an astonishing piece of work. I only have one poem posted, but I hope you will provide your insight.
 
it has really good strong lines...maybe you could help it flow a little better. right around the middle it gets a little cloudy...but other than that it's GREAT
 
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