This Veneer-lyrics

[shari_louise84]

These are some lyrics I wrote and hoped I could get some opinions on. Tell me what you think. Thanks

Title: This Veneer

You despair in hopeless fear
Left with pointless ware
Life is not to be fair
No thought to care, all to stare
This insanity drives one mad, sad
Crying into the black abyss that is life
Don

 

[SoccerLuver14]

great...misery

 

[xXxAnonymousxXx]

the format was great, all signs point to a coming to terms with misery of living. But that could be due to my personal perspective coming through your writing and my personal acceptance of misery

 

[shadi05]

are you implying that this guy is a consumer of your work or are you just bad with the english language?

 

[iwontrest]

Honestly, these rhymes seem really forced and come across as extremely corny.