The Reaction Is All Wrong

P

powerranger69

New member
Given the question, the reaction is all wrong.
Seems skewed. Overdone to the point of triteness.
Disrespect seems a word, a word that crawls ever too quickly,
To the lips of one who would lash out at the fall of a leaf in autumn.
Respectful nature goes hand in hand, with respectful actions and treatment unto others.
Anticipation is an expectation that should be based on previous circumstance.
But to some anticipation is a fickle yearning for something never earned.
In this scenario, it seems the rules of respect and anticipation have yet to be learned.

At this point, I think I'll make a business of stepping on toes.
 
pretty good, i wouldn't say it's your best though

i think perhaps change the word 'triteness'. it's a good word, but reaRAB awkwardly in that spot.
 
It is pretty good. I personally, would not use anticipation over and over again, but if it suits you, so be it. Aside from that, maybe just cut the lines a bit, simply for the readers benefit.

GJ
 
the repetition of anticipation has purpose dood

It's one of my most heartfelt works in a looooong time, tbh.


It's not so awkward when you think of it as an unintelligible shriek lol.

The main issue is I can't think of something else to use there, hmph.
 
Back
Top