the meaning of my lyrical poetry?

  • Thread starter Thread starter Bran D
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Bran D

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i'm a lyricist. don't be afraid to be harsh tell what you think of these lyrics honestly . just give some real criticism b/c i'm not give any points to anybody who gives a half a explanation. also if you like star



Commercial Audience:

So let me get you straight
The mail man is arriving too late
And now I need commission
To enter with permission

The lines of pulp fiction
Are in your head with conviction
And The repeated nonsense
Is only to clear your guilty conscience

I better stop here I might offend somebody

This is not for the commercial audience
Go and live by your handed down alibi
Sorry if I led with a false tense
Guess I didn’t go to my pulpit

What happen to our cook book
The one that‘s suppose to save us all
We can cry and workshop too it
As long as we keep passing that dish

I better stop here, I might offend somebody
I better stop here, I might offend somebody

This is not for the commercial audience
Go and live by your handed down alibi
Sorry if I led with a false tense
Guess I didn’t go to my pulpit

I better stop here, I better stop here
I gonna get burn by it’s not real
I better stop here, I better stop here
I gonna get burn by it’s not real

This is not for the commercial audience
Go and live by your handed down alibi
Sorry if I led with a false tense
Guess I didn’t go to my pulpit

BY BRANDON PERRY©200
 
Most of it sounds like you are trying to hard to make a point that never really gets made. I really like the line " and the repeated nonsense is only to clear your guilty conscience" though That one is really good and makes a world of since on it;s own without the rest of the poem. I just feel like you started out with a great idea and walked away from the project so often that you , yourself lost the passion for it along with the meaning. You seem to just keep talking about how you shouldn't step out of line but or say what others disagree with but you don't have that hard hitting depth that makes a person say. heck yeah that's how I feel !!!

Sorry about the negativity but that is truly what I think and the poem is not all bad it just needs something more to it.
 
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