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The Funniest Joke ever!?
- Thread starter Gravyman
- Start date
A girl and her mom are visiting her aunts house and on the way there, the little girl asks her mom
"Mommy how old are you?"
And the mom says "Honey, never ask a woman that, that's rude."
So a few minutes later, the girls all....
"Mommy, how much do you weigh?"
And the mom says "Honey, that's rude also. Those are two questions never to ask a woman."
So the little girl ponders this and then says, "Mommy, why did daddy divorce you??"
And by this point, the mom is annoyed, so she says: "Why do you even want to know?!? Don't ever ask me that!"
The rest of the car ride is silent and when they arrive at the aunts house, the mom, still angry, goes to the bathroom.
MEanwhile, the daughter goes and talks to the aunt and says.
"Mommy's mad at me because I asked her how old she is. Then I asked her how much she weighs and why daddy left her."
So the aunt responds, "To find out those answers, just check her drivers liscence."
So the little girl does. And when her mom comes out of the bathroom, she says,
"Mommy I know that your 37 years old."
The mom says, "What- how do you know?"
And the daughter continues, "And I know you weigh 130 pounds."
The mom says again, "How did you find out?!"
And the daughter continues, "And I also know that daddy divorced you because you got an F in sex."
Another:
Everybody who has a dog calls him "Rover" or "Boy". I call my dog "Sex".
Now, Sex has been very embarrassing to me. When I went to get his license, I told the clerk I would like to have a license for Sex. He said, "Id like to have one too." Then I said, "But this is a dog." He said I didnt care what she looked like. Then I said, "You dont understand, Ive had Sex since I was 9 year old." He said I must have been quite a kid.
When I got married and went on my honeymoon, I took the dog with me. I told the hotel clerk that I wanted a room for my wife and me and a special room for Sex. He said that every room in the place was for sex. I said, "You dont understand, Sex keeps me awake at night." The Clerk said "Me too."
One day I entered Sex in a contest but before the competition began, the dog ran away. Another contestant asked me why I was just standing there looking around. I told him I had planned to have Sex entered in the contest. He told me that I should have sold tickets. "But you dont understand", I said, "I had hoped to have Sex on television." He called me a show-off.
When my wife and I separated, we went to court to file for custody of the dog. I said, "Your Honor, I had Sex before I got married." The judge said "Me too." Then I told him that after I was married, Sex had left me. He said, "Me too."
Last night Sex ran off again. I spent hours looking around town for him. A cop came over to me and asked "What are you doing in this alley at 4 in the morning?" I said, "Im looking for Sex..."
My court date has been set for Friday...
zarrinrox (9:53:28 PM): Everybody who has a dog calls him "Rover" or "Boy". I call my dog "Sex".
Now, Sex has been very embarrassing to me. When I went to get his license, I told the clerk I would like to have a license for Sex. He said, "Id like to have one too." Then I said, "But this is a dog." He said I didnt care what she looked like. Then I said, "You dont understand, Ive had Sex since I was 9 year old." He said I must have been quite a kid.
When I got married and went on my honeymoon, I took the dog with me. I told the hotel clerk that I wanted a room for my wife and me and a special room for Sex. He said that every room in the place was for sex. I said, "You dont understand, Sex keeps me awake at night." The Clerk said "Me too."
One day I entered Sex in a contest but before the competition began, the dog ran away. Another contestant asked me why I was just standing there looking around. I told him I had planned to have Sex entered in the contest. He told me that I should have sold tickets. "But you dont understand", I said, "I had hoped to have Sex on television." He called me a show-off.
When my wife and I separated, we went to court to file for custody of the dog. I said, "Your Honor, I had Sex before I got married." The judge said "Me too." Then I told him that after I was married, Sex had left me. He said, "Me too."
Last night Sex ran off again. I spent hours looking around town for him. A cop came over to me and asked "What are you doing in this alley at 4 in the morning?" I said, "Im looking for Sex..."
My court date has been set for Friday...
Another:
An old lady dies and goes to heaven. She's chatting it up with
St.Peter at the Pearly Gates when all of a sudden she hears the most awful
bloodcurdling screams.
"Don't worry about that," says St. Peter, "it's only someone having the
holes put into her shoulder blades for wings." The old lady looks a
little uncomfortable but carries on with the conversation
Ten minutes later, there are more blood curdling screams "Oh my God,"
says the old lady, "now what is
"Mommy how old are you?"
And the mom says "Honey, never ask a woman that, that's rude."
So a few minutes later, the girls all....
"Mommy, how much do you weigh?"
And the mom says "Honey, that's rude also. Those are two questions never to ask a woman."
So the little girl ponders this and then says, "Mommy, why did daddy divorce you??"
And by this point, the mom is annoyed, so she says: "Why do you even want to know?!? Don't ever ask me that!"
The rest of the car ride is silent and when they arrive at the aunts house, the mom, still angry, goes to the bathroom.
MEanwhile, the daughter goes and talks to the aunt and says.
"Mommy's mad at me because I asked her how old she is. Then I asked her how much she weighs and why daddy left her."
So the aunt responds, "To find out those answers, just check her drivers liscence."
So the little girl does. And when her mom comes out of the bathroom, she says,
"Mommy I know that your 37 years old."
The mom says, "What- how do you know?"
And the daughter continues, "And I know you weigh 130 pounds."
The mom says again, "How did you find out?!"
And the daughter continues, "And I also know that daddy divorced you because you got an F in sex."
Another:
Everybody who has a dog calls him "Rover" or "Boy". I call my dog "Sex".
Now, Sex has been very embarrassing to me. When I went to get his license, I told the clerk I would like to have a license for Sex. He said, "Id like to have one too." Then I said, "But this is a dog." He said I didnt care what she looked like. Then I said, "You dont understand, Ive had Sex since I was 9 year old." He said I must have been quite a kid.
When I got married and went on my honeymoon, I took the dog with me. I told the hotel clerk that I wanted a room for my wife and me and a special room for Sex. He said that every room in the place was for sex. I said, "You dont understand, Sex keeps me awake at night." The Clerk said "Me too."
One day I entered Sex in a contest but before the competition began, the dog ran away. Another contestant asked me why I was just standing there looking around. I told him I had planned to have Sex entered in the contest. He told me that I should have sold tickets. "But you dont understand", I said, "I had hoped to have Sex on television." He called me a show-off.
When my wife and I separated, we went to court to file for custody of the dog. I said, "Your Honor, I had Sex before I got married." The judge said "Me too." Then I told him that after I was married, Sex had left me. He said, "Me too."
Last night Sex ran off again. I spent hours looking around town for him. A cop came over to me and asked "What are you doing in this alley at 4 in the morning?" I said, "Im looking for Sex..."
My court date has been set for Friday...
zarrinrox (9:53:28 PM): Everybody who has a dog calls him "Rover" or "Boy". I call my dog "Sex".
Now, Sex has been very embarrassing to me. When I went to get his license, I told the clerk I would like to have a license for Sex. He said, "Id like to have one too." Then I said, "But this is a dog." He said I didnt care what she looked like. Then I said, "You dont understand, Ive had Sex since I was 9 year old." He said I must have been quite a kid.
When I got married and went on my honeymoon, I took the dog with me. I told the hotel clerk that I wanted a room for my wife and me and a special room for Sex. He said that every room in the place was for sex. I said, "You dont understand, Sex keeps me awake at night." The Clerk said "Me too."
One day I entered Sex in a contest but before the competition began, the dog ran away. Another contestant asked me why I was just standing there looking around. I told him I had planned to have Sex entered in the contest. He told me that I should have sold tickets. "But you dont understand", I said, "I had hoped to have Sex on television." He called me a show-off.
When my wife and I separated, we went to court to file for custody of the dog. I said, "Your Honor, I had Sex before I got married." The judge said "Me too." Then I told him that after I was married, Sex had left me. He said, "Me too."
Last night Sex ran off again. I spent hours looking around town for him. A cop came over to me and asked "What are you doing in this alley at 4 in the morning?" I said, "Im looking for Sex..."
My court date has been set for Friday...
Another:
An old lady dies and goes to heaven. She's chatting it up with
St.Peter at the Pearly Gates when all of a sudden she hears the most awful
bloodcurdling screams.
"Don't worry about that," says St. Peter, "it's only someone having the
holes put into her shoulder blades for wings." The old lady looks a
little uncomfortable but carries on with the conversation
Ten minutes later, there are more blood curdling screams "Oh my God,"
says the old lady, "now what is