Jerel Edmonds
New member
I have a bleak family history. Two of my grandparents were murdered. My grandfather stabbed my grandmother and was killed years later by his second wife, after his release from prison. My grandfather on my mother's side of the family killed himself in May of 2007. I come from a dysfunctional family. We don't get disciplined like normal children when we misbehave. I can't recall once ever being grounded. My father never finished high school and my mother quit school to raise a family. I have a form of autism known as Asperger's Syndrome. It was not diagnosed until age twelve. When I see my friends' pictures on Facebook, I see normalcy I now wish I had. A family where there are rules and regulations, positive discipline, and a generally non-abusive environment. I am somewhat jealous of the children that have professional parents. I have been abused psychologically and physically. My mother uses verbal abuse and insults, in a so-called practice known as "child-rearing". My mother did not have a father, and her mother was very distant because of a mental disability. She has experienced physical and sexual abuse. When I was younger, I would sometimes go to school with bruises or scars on my face. I did not understand at the time that my mother's behavior was abusive. This physically abusive discipline she apologized for later. In terms of verbal abuse, it did not seem to improve. There are countless incidents in which she exploded and destroyed objects in the home. I remember being less than 10 years of age, and seeing broken plates all over the floor and tears rolling down her face in the aftermath. She cursed at my father and physically attacked him. One incident I have recollection of is when she threw a bowl of cereal at the wall. Long ago, my father punched her in the face during a struggle on the road. We wanted to go somewhere fun, and he wanted to head home. As they struggled at the wheel, he punched her. I remember seeing blood. I am now 18 years of age. I want to get away from the depressive environment I see. My mother is not happy, and my father has always been distant in a sense. Is it possible I will ever be accepted into a warm, welcoming home? I have no extended family that I'm close to. In fact, over 98% of my extended family I do not know. Am I wrong for feeling this way?