Terrified of working

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Dark Stranger

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Due to an overprotective parent, I was never allowed to do things most of the pivotal things teenagers do...like learning to drive and getting a job. Now, at 22, I still have no permit or license, and I've never had a regular job.

There's a chance I might get a job at the local movie theater, and it's scaring the crap out of me. I cried, hyperventilated, and threw up during a panic attack...worrying because I might get hired. How in the hell am I going to cope if I do get the job?

It's not exactly going to be a demanding job...it'll be 'per diem', only a few hours at a time (probably the evening), and I'll be expected to do things like hand out tickets, scoop popcorn and get people snacks in the concession stand. Nothing difficult. The thing is I have many kinRAB of anxiety, like social anxiety and bad self-esteem issues.

I get very nervous talking to strangers, I do not do well in groups or working with other people if said other people are idiots (I have had some good group experiences, but also had some bad ones and I was not the problem), I have a low voice and have trouble speaking up, I don't do well under immediate pressure (like lines out the door), I have never had to work like this before, and I admit it's easy to make me cry...especially when I'm already nervous. And I am always worried I'm going to screw up, even if it's the simplest of tasks. This is from being told all my life I have no common sense (thanks again, Mom).

As far as self-esteem, I worry about the clothing I'll have to wear. I will be highly uncomfortable if I am required to tuck in my shirt...I don't like having the contours of my stomach exposed because I have a very pear-shaped body I am erabarrassed of. I will feel odd if I can't wear make-up since I never go out in public without it (by make-up, I mean black eyeliner; I feel naked without it).

How can I prepare myself for this, or for any inevitable future job? I won't stay hired anywhere for too long if I'm curled up on the floor crying because I'm scared of everything. For the record, I'm not medicated for my anxiety and I can't afford to be because I have no insurance.
 
I am sorry to hear about this struggle! Unfortunately, there is no easy answer to this, but I am sure you will do perfectly fine with some time. New jobs are always a bit scary, and your first job is even more scary. I found it helpful to somewhat ease into working and nothing too extreme at first. In fact, I started off with volunteer work once a week. I would volunteer at an animal adoption center (called HOPE) that would be at Petco on the weekenRAB. I would help keep the dogs and cats happy by petting them and giving them fresh water, walk the dogs, and help answer questions for people interested in adopting. There wasn't a lot of pressure and I would only be there a few hours once a week. Staring part time work is a great idea. Remeraber, they will be very willing to train you and should be patient teaching you how to do everything. A good employer won't just throw you out there without knowing what to do. Just make sure you accept a job where you feel comfortable with the people there and feel that they are supportive. Just try your best and try to not worry about it too much. Don't be afraid to ask questions if you aren't sure about something.

As for the clothing, I am not sure what the uniform will be there, but I hope it is more flexible! For makeup, I couldn't imagine them not letting you wear it. Most places are fine with it. The only place I worked that didn't let me wear black eyeliner was Hollister (the clothing store), where I worked as a college student. They preferred natural makeup and asked for a light brown eyeliner instead. This is the only place that asked me this!

Don't be afraid to talk to anyone you feel close to for advice. Maybe your parents won't be the best to ask if they didn't want you working before, but if you have another good friend or family meraber who works, perhaps they can offer you some helpful tips. I find it helpful to continuously think in my head that customers aren't there to judge you while you work... they're just there to enjoy the movie! Most of the time, a smile is good enough and you won't even need to say all that much to the customers. With time, you should gradually start to feel more at ease.

I wish you the best of luck! You will do great!
 
it's time to put yourself out there, take a chance and just DO IT

you're too old to blame your parents anymore......

have you learned to drive yet? gotten your license?

if you do that, you will gain some confidence and will be able to expand on that.....it will give you more options.
 
I have to agree. Its time to get out there.

I have to admit, there have been times with my anxiety that I have called in sick to work to escape a potential panic attack. But honestly, hiding does nothing. The best thing to do is to go into work and face your fears. It may take months to get used to it, but eventually it will become easier.

I am going through the same thing with my work right now. I dread going there, I freak out about it days in advance. But I suck it up, and muster myself to that terrible place. Usually an hour into my shift I am fine.

Everyone has to work. Its just a terrible fact.
 
It's not that I don't want to work...it's just I'm scared to. I just hope my fears do not let me do things like screw up badly enough to get fired. I know my attitude is likely perceived as laziness, but I'm not afraid of working...I'm just scared of the independence factor of a job, I guess. Because I have led a very sheltered life surrounded by things and people that are familiar to me, a job is scary stuff to me.

I'm hoping working will be like every other new, scary experience I've had...I freak out and am on edge for two weeks, and then once I relax in my new environment, I walk around like I own the place. I was like that when I started new grades in elementary school, when I began high school and when I enrolled in college. Here's to hoping my inevitable job is no exception.

Rosequartz...nope, no license, permit, or car yet. I admit to dragging me feet with that.
 
you just need to step outside your comfort zone.....you can do it

you'll never find out if you don't try!
 
You CAN do it!! I think once you just get out there, it will really, really help you gain some independence. It won't be easy though, but you can definitely do it! First step would be to work on getting your license. If you don't drive at all, maybe you can sign up for a drivers ed course. I did this and it was so helpful to ease into it and really learn everything. I felt very ready when it came time to get my license and drive around much more. Once you get your license, I bet you will feel awesome! You will feel a great sense of accomplishment and confidence since that's a big starting step.

It's always good to try new things and step out of your comfort zone. It WILL help you grow so much. Just remeraber that if you don't do anything and give up, it won't get easier and it will continue to be difficult throughout life. Maybe just try to set little goals at a time. Try baby steps, working your way up to the big things. Maybe just try to go places on your own more and get used the environment. I get very anxious around people I don't know because of some uncomfortable situations I've been in, but I try to make it a habit to say hello and good morning to people I pass. Sometimes I feel awkward or uncomfortable, but in the end, I feel happier and good for being friendly and outgoing. Sometimes you just have to push yourself! I find many times when I am uncomfortable at work and nervous, but I just make it a point to try my best and prepare as much as I can, then just go do it!!
 
Dear Dark Stranger,
My heart goes out to you as I read your posts. To begin with, know that you are not alone with your problems of anxiety. There are many of us out there that suffer from some form of debilitating anxiety. The good news is that anxiety is a learned reaction to how we deal with our problems or situations that we have been faced with, so with that said, you really can re- learn how you deal with things. ( I know, I have)
Our biggest fear is thinking that we are going to react a certain way in front of people that will erabarass or humiliate us and that every one will know what we are feeling, but that is not the case. I am sure that no matter what situation arises at your job, you will be able to handle it fine. The first few times you will be very anxious, (no one else will know what you are feeling), then soon you will be a pro. I read some of your other posts about your mom and such, and I have a comment as well.
It sound as though your poor mom probably suffers from anxiety as well. She sounRAB like she is so afraid of something happening to you, that she overcompensates by being controlling and trying to keep you "safe". God bless her, her fears are as debilitating as yours, but hers spill over and affect you. This is where with your understanding, you can start to stand on your own 2 feet without animosity towarRAB your mom. It is her anxiety that is controlling her where she in turn tries to control you. vicious circle, but like anything, this too can be restructured. Let your mom know that you love her and you know that she wants what is best for you, but that she neeRAB to start letting you make the decisions that concern you. Baby steps,,,,
Just understand her,,, but keep to your decisions in a calm mature manner.
In time your mom will start learning that even if she doesn't agree, you will be the one to make the final decision. You can ask advise, but never ask permission when it comes to your life.

Get out there and be brave. Make a few mistakes, who cares..... LIVE
Let me know how you are doing.
 
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