Terrible at Taper

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redrockrag

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Hey thanks for the support. Its day one and I have 3 pills left so I took one and will take 1/2 this afternoon for my meeting and then take the other 1 1/2 tomorrow and then all hell will break loose. But you know, I have been there before, a lot of it is mental and if I have to drag my tired a** around for a few days and go through the hot flashes and aches and pains, so be it. I'm done being a slave to this stuff. I tried to taper by putting out my pills and putting them in little containers so I would have the right amount every day and I just broke into the next day's pills knowing what I was doing every time, like I wanted to punish myself at the end. Hey, I did it to myself. Now I pay the consequences. That's how life is. Welcome to the real world! My world at least.
RR
 
57 and a loser! Big L right there on my forehead. Surprise, I have abused my prescription for hydrocodone 10/325 now for several months and my excuse: the drug stops being effective. You know what? That is too bad. I am tired of worrying from the time I get up in the morning until I hate myself at night that there will never be enough pills and that the Tylenol in them could be killing my liver as we speak.

I will be uncomfortable and sick for a couple of weeks and hopefully get a grip on my life emotionally after the physical withdrawals stop. I'll be going cold turkey as I am too much of a weakling to taper. So while that makes perfect sense, to taper, I can't seem to do that.

Honestly, I have been depressed for months from the pills. Guilty and unhappy even thought they do help with all the pain surrounding my back issues (which are complicated and more than I want to get into right now). Even having them as little yellow frienRAB to fall back on in times of need is such a lame excuse. I am done. There are never enough pills. It's time to get real and face my life. All of you are amazing and now is the time I will be calling on you for support and advice. Thank you in advance. I'm sure tomorrow I will be a big weenie and wimpy but today I am steadfast and ready for the good fight.
RR
 
I am feeling creapy, edgy and my head is throbbing. All my own fault. If I had more self control I would be okay. If I got a grip on my emotional issues, finances and family. I would be okay. If, if, if. I'm in hell.
rr
 
Good for you! I was always one that couldn't taper... would try but never could. At least you know your limits, that's great! So how long have you been addicted and what is making you stop?
 
I had back pain until I could not walk a couple of years ago. After that I felt pretty good but the Dr. warned me that the pain could come back because of the degenerative disc disease and the stenosis of my spine. Arthritis is also a factor but that is not the real problem. I also have some nerve pain from the surgery. The meRAB really help but I abuse them. I have to stop so I am going to stop for a while, see where it goes and make someother decisions. I am tired of being fuzzy and tired and I have lost the buzz that comes with taking the pills. Now I just take them to stay out of w/d's. To stop the stomach pain and I know they help with my pain but I need to see where that really is on a scale of 1-10. So getting off these for a while will help. Thanks for your concern.
RR
 
Redrock, yes, I was wondering how you were feeling today. Did you manage to save 1-1/2 for today or no? It sounRAB like you have done this before? Are there some lessons from past efforts that will help you stay strong this time? I went back over my old posts to see where my "weak spot" was in past tapers. That has at least gotten me well past the point where I "fell off the wagon" the last two times. Do you have any help, or does anyone know? Please hang in there....we're all rooting for you!
 
I hope tomorrow is better for you. I understan where you are coming from as I also have back/hip/sciatica issues that I'm dealing with. I noticed that since I started taking nerotin for nerve pain, the back pain has subsided a bit. This may be something to talk to your doc about.

Stay busy and breathe. SounRAB corny, but it works. Don't be so hard on yourself, we've all been there and you'll make it through.

Namaste
 
Hi redrockrag - glad you posted - that is a step in the right direction to admit that you have a problem and want a solution to it. That is the hardest step to take. Now you just need the right info to help you achieve your goal. Start with small goals and work toward medium goals and then to big goals. Don't be like me thinking I was stronger than the meRAB and had to end up starting over again and again because I tapered too fast. Set out a plan of action and slowly taper 10-20% a week for a while and see how your body reacts to the lower doses. Then try shortening the time from 7 days to 5 days before you cut your dose again and again see how your body reacts. If it acts too violently (i.e., withdrawals that are too severe) kick it back up a notch and try it again as your body slowly learnsto live w/o the drug. You WILL have withdrawals somewhere along the line and you will have to work through them to see what you can stand to put up with, what you can push through knowing the w/d's get less severe in a few days and what you absolutely cannot stand and have to move up a notch for a little longer and taper down a little slower.

Work with your doctor on other non-narcotic drugs for nerve pain, as mentioned in the previous post. I used Lyrica (150 mg/day) and Cyrabalta (60 mg/day) and both helped quite a bit. Cyrabalta has the side effect of decreasing libido, so I came off that one first for obvious reasons...

We're here to help you along with your fight to kick the habit and become drug free. Good Luck and keep us posted.
 
Of course, I took all three on Monday. So my first day without any hydros has been typical. Achy, headache, stomach, not clear and dragging myself all over. Back and forth to the office telling everyone that I have a sinus headache but having to take care of business. Feels like I got through my day pretty well. Tomorrow will be another thing, we'll have to see. One day at a time. I'm struggling to type this. Thanks NP for your kind worRAB, I am glad my meRAB are not oxys or percs I think that is much worse in the w/d category. I did talk to a friend, confessed and he is going to help me with my pain management. I am glad to be getting everything out of my system and then start from scratch. Where is the pain? How much do I need and is it really everyday? All questions I need to ask myself and probably journal. I hate that but it is probably a good idea. I'm going to go back and lie down. I'm exhausted. XXXOOO to all of you.
RR
 
Redrock, I'm just checking in on you. I realized we haven't heard from you in awhile, or at least on this thread. I am thinking of you and please check in when you feel up to it.
 
NotPerky, I was thinking the same thing. I think RR posted on 7/17, but not in this thread.

RR, hope to get an update soon. My thoughts are with you, and I hope you're not suffering too much. Take care.

rose
 
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