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tell me your fav. joke plz.?
- Thread starter Marissa R
- Start date
D
Denise the great
Guest
here are some jokes:
1.Little Johnny was sitting in class doing math problems when his teacher picked him to answer a question:
"Johnny, if there were five birds sitting on a fence and you shot one with your gun, how many would be left ?" "None.", replied Johnny. "'cause the rest would fly off."
"The correct answer is four," said the teacher. "But I like your thinking."
Little Johnny said, "I have a question for you now. If there were three women eating ice cream cones in a shop, one licking her cone, the second biting her cone, and the third one sucking her cone, which one is married ?
Well," said the teacher nervously, "I guess the one sucking her cone?"
"No," said Little Johnny, "The one with the wedding ring on her finger. But I like the way you think!"
2. The teacher told the class that today they’d be guessing objects from physical description. She said, "I will hold an object under my desk and physically describe it to you, and then class, you have to tell me what you think it is I have under my desk." First the teacher said, "I have something long and yellow, what is it?" Sally raises her hand and the teacher calls on her, "What do you think it is Sally?" "It’s a banana", replied Sally. "No, it’s a pencil" said the teacher, "But I like the way you think." Next the teacher said, "I’m holding something round and red, what is it?" Billy raises his hand and the teacher calls on him, "What do you think it is Billy?" "It’s a tomato" says Billy. "No, it’s an apple" says the teacher, "but I like the way you think." Little Johnny raises his hand so the teacher calls on him and says, "Yes Little Johnny." "Well Ms. Smith, I have one for you" says Little Johnny. "Okay says the teacher." "What’s round, hard, and has a head?" replied Little Johnny. "Oh no, Little Johnny that is not appropriate for school at all." says the teacher. "It’s a quarter" says Little Johnny, "but I like the way you think."
3.One night, a Delta twin-engine puddle jumper was flying somewhere above New Jersey. There were five people on board: the pilot, Michael Jordan, Bill Gates, the Dali Lama, and a hippie. Suddenly, an illegal oxygen generator exploded loudly in the luggage compartment, and the passenger cabin began to fill with smoke. The cockpit door opened, and the pilot burst into the compartment. "Gentlemen," he began, "I have good news and bad news. The bad news is that we're about to crash in New Jersey. The good news is that there are four parachutes, and I have one of them!" With that, the pilot threw open the door and jumped from the plane.
Michael Jordan was on his feet in a flash. "Gentlemen," he said, "I am the world's greatest athlete. The world needs great athletes. I think the world's greatest athlete should have a parachute!" With these words, he grabbed one of the remaining parachutes, and hurtled through the door and into the night. Bill Gates rose and said, "Gentlemen, I am the world's smartest man. The world needs smart men. I think the world's smartest man should have a parachute, too." He grabbed one, and out he jumped. The Dali Lama and the hippie looked at one another.
Finally, the Dali Lama spoke. "My son," he said, "I have lived a satisfying life and have known the bliss of True Enlightenment. You have your life ahead of you; you take a parachute, and I will go down with the plane." The hippie smiled slowly and said, "Hey, don't worry, dude. The world's smartest man just jumped out wearing my backpack."
1.Little Johnny was sitting in class doing math problems when his teacher picked him to answer a question:
"Johnny, if there were five birds sitting on a fence and you shot one with your gun, how many would be left ?" "None.", replied Johnny. "'cause the rest would fly off."
"The correct answer is four," said the teacher. "But I like your thinking."
Little Johnny said, "I have a question for you now. If there were three women eating ice cream cones in a shop, one licking her cone, the second biting her cone, and the third one sucking her cone, which one is married ?
Well," said the teacher nervously, "I guess the one sucking her cone?"
"No," said Little Johnny, "The one with the wedding ring on her finger. But I like the way you think!"
2. The teacher told the class that today they’d be guessing objects from physical description. She said, "I will hold an object under my desk and physically describe it to you, and then class, you have to tell me what you think it is I have under my desk." First the teacher said, "I have something long and yellow, what is it?" Sally raises her hand and the teacher calls on her, "What do you think it is Sally?" "It’s a banana", replied Sally. "No, it’s a pencil" said the teacher, "But I like the way you think." Next the teacher said, "I’m holding something round and red, what is it?" Billy raises his hand and the teacher calls on him, "What do you think it is Billy?" "It’s a tomato" says Billy. "No, it’s an apple" says the teacher, "but I like the way you think." Little Johnny raises his hand so the teacher calls on him and says, "Yes Little Johnny." "Well Ms. Smith, I have one for you" says Little Johnny. "Okay says the teacher." "What’s round, hard, and has a head?" replied Little Johnny. "Oh no, Little Johnny that is not appropriate for school at all." says the teacher. "It’s a quarter" says Little Johnny, "but I like the way you think."
3.One night, a Delta twin-engine puddle jumper was flying somewhere above New Jersey. There were five people on board: the pilot, Michael Jordan, Bill Gates, the Dali Lama, and a hippie. Suddenly, an illegal oxygen generator exploded loudly in the luggage compartment, and the passenger cabin began to fill with smoke. The cockpit door opened, and the pilot burst into the compartment. "Gentlemen," he began, "I have good news and bad news. The bad news is that we're about to crash in New Jersey. The good news is that there are four parachutes, and I have one of them!" With that, the pilot threw open the door and jumped from the plane.
Michael Jordan was on his feet in a flash. "Gentlemen," he said, "I am the world's greatest athlete. The world needs great athletes. I think the world's greatest athlete should have a parachute!" With these words, he grabbed one of the remaining parachutes, and hurtled through the door and into the night. Bill Gates rose and said, "Gentlemen, I am the world's smartest man. The world needs smart men. I think the world's smartest man should have a parachute, too." He grabbed one, and out he jumped. The Dali Lama and the hippie looked at one another.
Finally, the Dali Lama spoke. "My son," he said, "I have lived a satisfying life and have known the bliss of True Enlightenment. You have your life ahead of you; you take a parachute, and I will go down with the plane." The hippie smiled slowly and said, "Hey, don't worry, dude. The world's smartest man just jumped out wearing my backpack."
S
=) SMILE =)
Guest
a dad and his son go to the store. the son ask for some cereal and the dad says can you make your d*** touch your a**hole? The little boy says no and the boy replies then theres your answer.
awhile later the son ask for a toy. The dad once again ask can you make your d*** touch your a**hole? the boy says no and the dad replies then theres your answer
the dad feels bad for not getting the boy anything so he buys him a lottery ticket. The boy scratches and wins big. The dad ask well how bout sharin some of that with your pop? the boy then ask can you make your d*** touch your a**hole?? The dad says well actually i can, and the boy says GOOD!!!....THEN GO F*** YOURSELF
awhile later the son ask for a toy. The dad once again ask can you make your d*** touch your a**hole? the boy says no and the dad replies then theres your answer
the dad feels bad for not getting the boy anything so he buys him a lottery ticket. The boy scratches and wins big. The dad ask well how bout sharin some of that with your pop? the boy then ask can you make your d*** touch your a**hole?? The dad says well actually i can, and the boy says GOOD!!!....THEN GO F*** YOURSELF
K
kumamon222
Guest
What do you call a dog with no legs?
It doesn't matter, he won't come anyway.
It doesn't matter, he won't come anyway.