Tell me what you think about this poem for my gf?

[Mr. Rickles]

Alright well..today I found out my girls brother stole her cell phone and found texts of us talking bout things her dad wouldn't exactly want to hear..his daughter talking about,, so we pretty much can't speak to each other..or see each..but I wanted ya'lls advice on this poem I was going to send her..to lift her spirits...tell me what you think..thanks.


I remember when our eyes first met
I looked back at you and foolishly smiled
Until this day I’ll never forget
The way we let our words run wild

It seems like it ended as soon as it began
Separated by forces uncontrolled
Even though we tried as hard as we could
the unknown became known to all

You told me you fell for me that night
that I was the only guy for you
that my light for you shown bright
that I was your star in your debut

I could see it in your heart
that things between us would never change
that we fell in love from the start
Things now have just been re-arranged

Now we have to wait
And watch the clock spin
Now we have to wait
And keep our love within
Now we have to wait
To watch the time pass by
Now we have to wait
Because I’ll never say goodbye

If you got tips on anything..you would like to change to make it better feel free..much thanks guys

 

[notsosecretlove]

thought i'd return your icon you left on my q...

just kidding. your poem's really good i like it. with some work could be a song.