Heya, I am just wondering how to overcome depression without seeing a doctor. I'm 16 and have not really been myself since I started secondary school 5 years ago and I was just wondering where to go for help; I do not really want to go on too much on the internet about personal problems but If I left people know you will probably have more of an idea what sort of website to go to for help!!!
Okay there are loads and loads of things that have got worse and worse and I’m not really sure where to begin since my whole life is falling apart and become a mess. I use to be a happy, confident, fat (lol :L) but that never use to bother me (I’ve lost a alto of weight since and not that fat anymore), I use to love animals (I don’t dislike them now I’m a vegetarian but I use to like want to be a vet and care for animals etc and own loads of pets etc). Nevertheless, all these things that made me once happy have gone and I have not been myself for awhile. Here is a list of some of the problems I have noticed I have been encountering, it’s not till I have really thought about it how bizarre and bad things have become.....
Fear - Being afraid of almost everything like going outside, I shut my curtains to avoid people looking at me from outside, I hide in my bedroom to escape from people, I avoid people and tend not to speak to people ever, I won't go to the shop or buy anything since I do not want to speak to anyone since I'm afraid and I have no idea why. I will not got go outside unless I have straightened my hair (ironically I am a boy lol :L) If I don't like what I’m wearing or don't think I look right I get irritable and panic, Any overcrowded places I panic (not like going crazy and running away but I do tremble and must immediately go somewhere away from people, whenever I see someone (especially walking towards me) I panic and shake and don’t know how to respond, I mean someone of anyage literally anyone crossing the path of where I am and having no interest of me I kind of get paranoid and look down. Reading some of these things back I did not even notice how recluse or bad things were getting. I don't know whether I'm depressed in who I am as a person or what lol :L but I guess it is kind of paranoid to think everyone is looking at me lol
Love/sex: Not to get to personal about this subject, but when I was younger, I always desired the perfect one (basically all that romantic soppy stuff lol :L) and I've had a 2/3 girl friends but not loads since I'm only interested in the perfect one lol but lately I have lost my desire in finding a girl friend and have almost given up and have obscene thoughts of sex, maybe it's growing up going through puberty and all but I think its depression, I mean when I was young I use to fantasies in having a perfect, kind and loving girlfriend with romantic caring love and all (lol) but now I fantasise about generally depressed prostitutes who are indeed depressed themselves and I find love that way (wtf) or absolute sluts who have no feelings for anyone (basically it is a complete opposite to what I previously felt about a year ago) and there are many opposites I’m noticing in my personality. This is really embarrassing but I'm even afraid of sex, I blush in front of the opposite sex usslly and find it hard to express myself, I think that is where this prostitute idea came from with a dominant female and physically getting rid of my depression (let’s not go there :L, weird and embarrassing). I think it is related to self confidence in who I am lol.
Ambition: Lost ambition to see friends, to lose weight (I’m not overweight as in being really fat but I'm starting to eat more and put on weight and I guess you can say I’m gradually making myself fat lol) I think it was growing up perhaps, things had to change from primary to secondary school where I could not really be a free individual anymore, I was a normal individual before and gradually I have changed. I have a sense of humour but not as much and everything seems the same –grey and dull-, happy people make me depressed and I have violent, negative and sarcastic thoughts (basically inner thoughts criticism). I’m rarely happy anymore and lost sense of emotions. I use to get bullied (not actually that bad considering what a lot of people go through) but I got recluse and got depressed everyday and had permanent feelings of killing people and suicide (basically a killing spree massacre since I hated most people), although I have lost these feelings now which is good (although I still hate society in general), I have become completely emotionless, not as in horrible sense, I mean it is hard for me to feel anything, I rarely feel anything at all and am like a robot, this is hard since I cannot express myself, for example, when people give me things for a birthday etc I do appreciate it but I cannot express it, It seems to be like a robot and I speak monotone with no enthusiasm or sign of happiness or appreciated and that makes
A lot of it has actually been cut off :O I think I exceeded 1000 words so It might not make much sense lol
Okay there are loads and loads of things that have got worse and worse and I’m not really sure where to begin since my whole life is falling apart and become a mess. I use to be a happy, confident, fat (lol :L) but that never use to bother me (I’ve lost a alto of weight since and not that fat anymore), I use to love animals (I don’t dislike them now I’m a vegetarian but I use to like want to be a vet and care for animals etc and own loads of pets etc). Nevertheless, all these things that made me once happy have gone and I have not been myself for awhile. Here is a list of some of the problems I have noticed I have been encountering, it’s not till I have really thought about it how bizarre and bad things have become.....
Fear - Being afraid of almost everything like going outside, I shut my curtains to avoid people looking at me from outside, I hide in my bedroom to escape from people, I avoid people and tend not to speak to people ever, I won't go to the shop or buy anything since I do not want to speak to anyone since I'm afraid and I have no idea why. I will not got go outside unless I have straightened my hair (ironically I am a boy lol :L) If I don't like what I’m wearing or don't think I look right I get irritable and panic, Any overcrowded places I panic (not like going crazy and running away but I do tremble and must immediately go somewhere away from people, whenever I see someone (especially walking towards me) I panic and shake and don’t know how to respond, I mean someone of anyage literally anyone crossing the path of where I am and having no interest of me I kind of get paranoid and look down. Reading some of these things back I did not even notice how recluse or bad things were getting. I don't know whether I'm depressed in who I am as a person or what lol :L but I guess it is kind of paranoid to think everyone is looking at me lol
Love/sex: Not to get to personal about this subject, but when I was younger, I always desired the perfect one (basically all that romantic soppy stuff lol :L) and I've had a 2/3 girl friends but not loads since I'm only interested in the perfect one lol but lately I have lost my desire in finding a girl friend and have almost given up and have obscene thoughts of sex, maybe it's growing up going through puberty and all but I think its depression, I mean when I was young I use to fantasies in having a perfect, kind and loving girlfriend with romantic caring love and all (lol) but now I fantasise about generally depressed prostitutes who are indeed depressed themselves and I find love that way (wtf) or absolute sluts who have no feelings for anyone (basically it is a complete opposite to what I previously felt about a year ago) and there are many opposites I’m noticing in my personality. This is really embarrassing but I'm even afraid of sex, I blush in front of the opposite sex usslly and find it hard to express myself, I think that is where this prostitute idea came from with a dominant female and physically getting rid of my depression (let’s not go there :L, weird and embarrassing). I think it is related to self confidence in who I am lol.
Ambition: Lost ambition to see friends, to lose weight (I’m not overweight as in being really fat but I'm starting to eat more and put on weight and I guess you can say I’m gradually making myself fat lol) I think it was growing up perhaps, things had to change from primary to secondary school where I could not really be a free individual anymore, I was a normal individual before and gradually I have changed. I have a sense of humour but not as much and everything seems the same –grey and dull-, happy people make me depressed and I have violent, negative and sarcastic thoughts (basically inner thoughts criticism). I’m rarely happy anymore and lost sense of emotions. I use to get bullied (not actually that bad considering what a lot of people go through) but I got recluse and got depressed everyday and had permanent feelings of killing people and suicide (basically a killing spree massacre since I hated most people), although I have lost these feelings now which is good (although I still hate society in general), I have become completely emotionless, not as in horrible sense, I mean it is hard for me to feel anything, I rarely feel anything at all and am like a robot, this is hard since I cannot express myself, for example, when people give me things for a birthday etc I do appreciate it but I cannot express it, It seems to be like a robot and I speak monotone with no enthusiasm or sign of happiness or appreciated and that makes
A lot of it has actually been cut off :O I think I exceeded 1000 words so It might not make much sense lol