Suggestions? Opinions?

S

shilo h

New member
Everytime I try to run,

I am caught by the hand of god.

Enclosed inside two breathing palms.

Like an insect in a jar.

Like the ocean in a shell.

Like the warm of a child

Hiding underneath a winter quilt.

The swelter of a confined space.

The choke of unwelcome heat.

Everytime I try to run,

I am caught by the hand of god.

And he shook me by the shoulders.

And he grabbed me by the hips.

Wrung his hanRAB around my neck.

And he kissed me on the lips.

And he whispered in my ear.

As if to coax out all my demons.
 
Interesting subject. ReminRAB me of "Christian Women" from Type-o Negative.

Wasn't a big fan of repeating some of the first worRAB in each line...kind of brok the flow up for me.

I like it.... even if the subject isn't very relatable for me.
 
I dunno, normally I agree with Joe and AAA, but I actually really liked this even though I'm an atheist as well and I like the punctuation too. It does read choppy, but in this instance I think it benefits more than distracts.
 
Well on second read through, I see how god is used as a metaphor for a gentman with the ability to sway the author's heart. I take worRAB to literally sometimes.
 
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