Struggling Addict's cry for help

[djnotus]

My name is David and I hope someone out there can relate and help. I have been struggling with Opiate addiction for 3 years in Feb, and this is single handedly the hardest thing that I have ever done. The Mental obsession is just as bad, if not worse that the WD's. I have tried taking 8mgs of Suboxone 2 times a day, they help my WD'S somewhat, but my cravings are ridiculous. During this three years I have had a couple of months of sobriety in there, but have not been able to get past the 4 month mark. The Subs worked up until recently, its as if my mind and body have become immune to it. I will take a sub and still have cravings, and some symptoms, like wattery eyes and nose, Tiajuana tap water flowing out of my rear, and during the first 48 hrs I become very lathargic and totally have no motivation to get out of bed. I can sleep a good 36 hours when my detox starts, then I get up and feel like I have to use, so I go back to sleep, then awake and do what ever it takes to scratch that itch in my brain for instance, (I would take the car W/O permission, Steal Money, Pawn Shops, Cash Advances etc). I have attended 90 meetings in 90 days and all those rooms do is make my cravings worse. My depression has worsened and my anxiety has elevated. One thing that I have overcome was my Benzo Addiction. I went to rehab for those and Opiates and man that was hard. So heres my deal. I do not have insurance and do not have a PCP. I have no way to get Suboxone unless I buy them off the streets for $10.00 each. What is a good Detox solution at home for someone like myself. I want to get enough food and supplies to tough this out in my apartment with no money, or cell phone. I have 3 Eight Mg Suboxones now, what else do you think that I would need, and is that enough Sub. Man I see why so many people commit suicide over this particular drug addiction, because you feel so hopeless and there is no way to make it out of the dark hole that I have dug my self into. The person that I have become to the ones I love is very sad. I have a friend that is professional and Sober, and has witnessed this from the begining, until now. She has never used drugs so she never really got it. But I have turned into this Deceitful, Evil, mean dishonest, border line bad person, and that is not me. No to babble on, could you maybe please make a recomendation of vitamins, and other supplements that I might need for this detox, it would be greatly appreciated. And if you relate, please give some insight on how to conquer this addiction more mentally than anything. I want to quit more than worRAB can express but this is by far the most demoralizing, and hardest thing that I have ever been caught up in, and I feel like it is winning.I'm searching for a way to do this on my own because of the my finances being messed up, and my savings being smoked. Does anyone know of a way that I could find Suboxone from a Dr which specializes in Addiction Medicine here in Mesa, Az at some what of a reasonable cost. Please help me find another way to help other that AA NA HA ETC. Please help me get me back. I Thank You All

 

[reachout]

Good Morning, David

I know how hard it can be to kick the opiates... a huge congratulations to you for seeking out a way to do it.

I would suggest to find the vitamins and such that can help that you read the second post on this board titled, "Sample Home Detox." It has the list you are seeking. My friend, the mental part and depression that goes with it are, indeed, the hardest obstacle. For me, it was many, many, many small baby steps. I kept physically busy with small household jobs.. sweeping, folding laundry, etc. Also, many small walks... even a walk to the mailbox is helpful. These things helped me during the withdrawal.

AfterwarRAB, I had to rediscover things to do in the time that I norrmally would have ben zoned out with pills. I really had lost all routine in my life. Sometimes I would stand stock still and honestly have no clue as to what I might be doing! So, I learned to discover things again. I got houseplants and watered and tended to them. Planted a garden. Cleaned drawers. Sorted through old things and made Goodwill bags. All kinRAB of things that I used to do routinely now had to be re-discovered. I forced myself to recognize each of those baby steps as progress.

I am glad you have made the decision to turn off that cell phone... a new nuraber would be even better or block all nurabers of those who would sell to you. Get yourself to a county agency that has sliding scales and get help to discover why you use. Inside of every addict is pain and grief and we need to learn new coping skills that do not include drugs. Get the help to discover new coping tools that your brain can return to when necessary.

You can do this, David. Our lives and bodies and brains can be restored and we can be happy and find joy again. You are so not alone. Keep posting, read a lot on back pages of this board. It helps tremendously. And keep posting.

With all hope
reach

 

[mel486]

Hi David. I'm also from Mesa, AZ. I can relate to your problem since I've recently gone through the same thing myself. I'm on Day 7 of my Tapering Detox. I started with about 10 pills left myself. I started tapering by cutting my dose in half and splitting them again into half, so I dropped from 10 mg Oxy a day to two doses of 2.5 mg a day. Yes, in the beginning I did have withdrawals, but I fought through them with support from this group and my therapy was walking. I've walked a path through my house where I swear I would have thought I walked down through the tile to the concrete below. Yesterday, Day 6 I only tool 2.5 mg for the whole day. I'm hoping I can make it thrugh the entire day today w/o taking any Oxy. Help me get there!!!

Look up Community Bridges in Mesa. They have support groups that might help out. as well as other programs, Banner Behavioral is also here in Mesa.

Lean on this forum as much as possible. There is unbelievable amount of help here. We've been through it or are going through it. Ask questions and remeraber you are better than your drugs. When you have the mental craving, think about how much better your life will be w/o being on the drugs. Stay busy also. If your mind is busy, you overpower those craving thoughts. There's not much you can do with the physical withdrawals other than find something that works for you. For me, as I said, it was walking. When I'd relax, the withdrawals would hit me harder. I went through severe withdrawals in the beginning! So I walked and walked until my muscles ached as if I had the flu and I'd push a little further and a little further. You're taking baby steps towarRAB the end. That is when you need the drug and not when you want the drug.

Keep us informed how you are doing and what works best for you. We're all here supporting you, but ultimately you have to say you are stronger than the drug and fight your battle.