TaCot, Secrets and Reach
You guys are all the absolute best. I don't know what I would do without all three of you either. You always say the right things to me whatever I am going through. I just talked to my husband who is telling me that he is worried that I am going backwarRAB (not thinking that I want painkillers again) but in my demeanour. I seem to be feeling terrible again (I know I have only been in suboxone withdrawl for 23 days) stopped it 23 days ago!!!!! and was definitely feeling better on and off but now am hitting a low again. The shots I got at the pain clinic have helped about 30-40% and my next step is "radio frequency" burning of my nerves and I have had that done years ago. It didn't last too long and then afterwarRAB had my failed fusion neck surgery. It is masking the pain I know but that is the only help for me out there now.
The last 2 nights just as my husband has come in the door for dinner I started feeling absolutely lousy and figidty and couldn't think straight and couldn't sit still properly, my legs started getting all restless. Through this last 3 weeks of hell with withdrawl that is what I can't stand the most, I can't take it, I am going to "jump out of my skin" and it is the absolute worst. I do exercises with my legs constantly, stretching, walking, resistant excercises against my husband pushing on my legs, my arms etc. and nothing helps. I have tried I think TaCot's method of eating bananas and drinking V8 juice potassium for restless legs. Yes I have been on so much medication that to me wasn't necessary and thought that maybe all of my medication was contradicting my "arabien" to help me sleep because you all know that I am not sleeping at all and that is not helping my mood!!!! I slept off and on last night maybe for 2 hours of of course interrupted sleep. It feels like my body is just going to dose off and I feel this jolt that makes me wake right up and I have no sleep in me. It is very strange!!!!! My Pain doc at last weeks appt. took me off of "seroquel, which I hated anyway, prosac which I had been on for at least 8 years, trazadone which the addictionologist gave me for sleep which is an anti-depressant that never worked for sleep and I was glad to get rid of them all. My husband says I am more restless now and I wonder if it because I got rid of all three of those meRAB. The pain doc said I wouldn't go through withdrawl from any of them. I think I am still in withdrawl from the suboxone and as I keep on stating, not sleeping and this anxiousness is working on my last nerve. I thought I had my life back after getting out of the withdrawl clinic and was 4 months down the road and clean and my family was so proud of me and everyone said that I looked younger and they could see it in my eyes that I was back that they sparkled. I couldn't eat on the suboxone at all and I lost 25 lbs. very fast which is now great but I would have rather been feeling better of course. Well I was soooo proud and then the doc tapered me off of suboxone from 2mg a day after several weeks to 1 mg a day after several weeks to 1/2 to 1/4 to 1/8ths to crurabs. The last day of going literally off of "the crurab" I hit rock bottom and went into full blown withdrawl and after over 3 weeks here I sit, still suffering (not half as much mind you) and have absolutely nothing to take for my chronic pain that started all of this, it is very depressing to say the least. I rally thought that suboxone was the answer but it is just another opiate drug that you have to withdraw off of!!!!! I will keep on going to the pain clinic and my family doc. I think I am going to call my doc today and ask if there is anything he can give me to try for "not sleeping". I can hardly function. When I was there last week and I was a real mess he gave me "Lorezepam" and said that I needed it to calm myself down but take it sparingly as you can get dependant or addicted to it. That is all I needed to hear. I hardly take it and if I have had to I feel so guility and worried. I am so sorry, I am writing a book. I hope I haven't scared any one. Each one of us has different stories and in a lot of cases it has not been our fault at all what we have gone through. We are victims of wanting to get some relief from our pain that is all. Take care everyone, I am thinking and praying for you all. Lyn :angel: