Hi, my husband and I have been together for about 6 years now and married for about 2.5. For a while we've been having issues. I feel like every day is an argument and then it turns into a day where one of us feels resentment towards the other. I really feel like I've put a lot into trying to be nicer and more affectionate towards him, but he's done nothing to change how he feels. I know we both still love each other, but we have issues with who does what around the house, when it gets done and other minor things. He can be somewhat lazy at times and I feel anger towards him because he leaves me with the burden of being housewife as well as bringing in half of our salary all while taking care of our toddler. He does work a few days a week, but when he's home it's like it's his time and his time only. Where do you go from here? I feel like I nag and it then escalates to an argument, but if I start of nicely and say "oh honey can you please wash the dishes" He'll just say yeah in a minute and they'll never get done and I'm not being dramatic in saying that it'll never get done. I've tried to give him time to do his things and absolutely nothing got done in two days at our house. Anyways, I know this is long, but where do you go from here? Sometimes I feel like I could be happier on my own, but then again I really still love him I just hate all the fighting and the feeling like I'm the only one who wants to give it a try some more. I don't want to give up on our relationship, but I just don't know what to do.
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Spouse and I always arguing. Where do you go from here?
- Thread starter Fretz
- Start date
will i cya
New member
Marriage counseling.
smartypants
New member
Do you tell him how you feel?
Tell him what you wrote here :
"I feel anger towards you because you leave me with the burden of being housewife as well as bringing in half of our salary all while taking care of our toddler"
When it escalates to an argument, are you speaking with him calmly or are you just yelling at him about all the things you don't like about what he does? If you are just yelling about what you don't like then you are instigating the argument... anytime you sit there and criticize someone they will always get defensive.
so the best strategy here to get through to him about your frustrations is NOT to tell him what he is doing wrong, but calmly explain to him how YOU feel.
Use "I" statements...
"Honey, I feel overwhelmed with everything because I feel that I am doing all of the housework and I get no recognition or appreciation for it. I no longer feel appreciated or part of a team because I feel that I am taking on all the responsibility in the house. I would really appreciate if you started helping out around the house more without me having to ask. Maybe we could agree on which household chores each of us does... such as if I put the dishes in the washer, you are in charge of putting them away. If I do the laundry, you need to fold. If I clean the bathroom then maybe you can dust the house."
Tell him what you wrote here :
"I feel anger towards you because you leave me with the burden of being housewife as well as bringing in half of our salary all while taking care of our toddler"
When it escalates to an argument, are you speaking with him calmly or are you just yelling at him about all the things you don't like about what he does? If you are just yelling about what you don't like then you are instigating the argument... anytime you sit there and criticize someone they will always get defensive.
so the best strategy here to get through to him about your frustrations is NOT to tell him what he is doing wrong, but calmly explain to him how YOU feel.
Use "I" statements...
"Honey, I feel overwhelmed with everything because I feel that I am doing all of the housework and I get no recognition or appreciation for it. I no longer feel appreciated or part of a team because I feel that I am taking on all the responsibility in the house. I would really appreciate if you started helping out around the house more without me having to ask. Maybe we could agree on which household chores each of us does... such as if I put the dishes in the washer, you are in charge of putting them away. If I do the laundry, you need to fold. If I clean the bathroom then maybe you can dust the house."