Sorry, I Just Needed To Vent

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scooterdude

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Hello all, hope everyone is doing well. I just finished up with my last P.T. session today with mixed emotions. During my sessions I had two different people work on my back, both of whom told me that my problem was muscular, but could not seem to agree with myself or themselves with the cause of the spasms. I had two very bad episodes during my therapy, so they got to see first hand what I have been dealing with. One time it happened when I was standing up, no bending, no lifting, just standing there, no explanation from the therapist other than " you must have lifted too much". The next episode was brought on by being in a cold garage for a half an hour (that one took almost three whole days to pull out of), when I suggested that temperature may have caused it, I was totally dismissed and told "you must be overdoing it". I have truly tried to follow all of the guidelines set forth to me on this therapy, but it just didn't seem like they really listened to me at all. When I told them I could hardly move in the morning and it takes me almost an hour to get out of bed due to lower pain, they still insisted on working on my middle section. When I pointed out the problem areas, they still went back to the one obvious spot, and worked that until my insurance ran out. I was finally told today that my muscles were weak due to my desk job. I don't have a d@#n desk job. I work at a desk for about an hour a day, the rest of the time I am on the go. I know that I am not the most physically fit person on the planet, but I get alot of walking, bending, stretching and moving in a day. Right now I feel as if I have been talking to a wall for the last few months. I am lucky that I haven't lost my job over this, with the economy as bad is it is in this area, my work could have easily told me to take a flying leap. Fortunately, I am still holding my own as I was before, just doing a little more paperwork, and alot more breaks so I can keep up my pace. My family has also been so patient with me, and I know that I have been difficult if not unbearable sometimes
I feel very bad when I read the stories on here about people in fear of losing their livelihooRAB, believe me, I feel for all of you. I couldn't imagine what we would do if I wasn't working. My wife is disabled from a childhood injury, and I have been the bread winner for the last fifteen years, now I lie awake at night wondering what is going to happen if I do get worse. I just wish that I had an answer for what is going on with me. Sometimes I truly feel that maybe I AM losing my mind! I have never had a problem that I couldn't shake with time, but this has been going on for almost six months with little improvement.
Sorry to rarable, but I just needed to vent, and my poor wife neeRAB a little break from that! I will pray for you all.:angel:
Steve
P.S. I will post the paper results of my MRI when I go back to the doc next month. Thank's for being there!
 
Scooter, you sound like you are certainly beyond frustrated. You sound like you are experiencing alot of anxiety about your future and what it holRAB for you. I can relate to your post because I just recently have been going thru the same thing. You might consider discussing with your physician about trying an anti-anxiety/anti depressent medication like cyrabalta and see if it helps you any with not stewing about your future. All of these feelings are normal and I must admit I was totally against these medications - since I have been on them I can't believe how much they have helped me and my hubby is so thrilled to have me back. I am not snapping as much, I smile, I laugh, I am not crying, and I am not worried about what might happen as much. It is just a thought and I hope that I have not offended you by making this suggestion.

You are carrying alot on your shoulders as being the bread winner in your family and with you wife being disabled. My heart goes out to you and I just want you to know that I care and am here for you. Good luck.
 
Hi Steve, and welcome to the board!

You don't need to apologize for needing to vent. We sure understand, both your need to get it out and the reasons for it!

What an awful PT experience you had! When will you be able to get more PT? Is your PT up for the year, or could you get more for a new diagnosis? Your doctor might be able to give you a new prescription with a different diagnosis, depending on how it was worded the first time. This would be legitimate and not dishonest if they worked on one area but you need work on another area, as it seems happened. You can call different therapy centers and ask if they have therapists on staff who specialize in spines or orthopedics. I was very concerned about who would do my PT after surgery, as I had been to a nuraber of PTists over the years who just didn't get it. They wanted to give me an overall workout to whip me into shape. I tried to explain that I needed exercises I could do on my own for the rest of my life at home, but they still insisted on just putting me through the same routine they used for everyone. With an unusual back problem, that was NOT what I needed! When it was time to start PT after my last fusion, I expressed that concern to my doctor and he immediately said he knew who I should see. The therapist he sent me to is a gem! She listened and knew exactly what I needed. She had done a fellowship and also did extra training in orthopedics. What a difference from the other PTists! Which therapist you go to does matter, as you found out!

Another alternative would be to join a gym and ask their "guys" what machines would best help that area. I joined a gym when my PT ran out and it was less per month than 1 copay for PT! Well worth it! They have personal trainers that you can hire who will work with you one on one, and they're very knowledgable. I didn't have the money to hire one, but they're happy to help and answer questions for anyone. They were really helpful to me in finding specific machines for my problems, as I'm quite liimited in what I can/should do in a gym. (Out of their hundreRAB of machines, I use 9.)

I hope you're able to get the help and relief you need.

I wish you the best,
Emily
 
Hi, I also know how you feel with the frustration of not knowing exactly what is wrong. I've been through that many times before, though luckily my back problems were easily diagnosed. I have problems with other issues that I'm not sure whats causing them. Vent all you want here because we all can relate and it's always better to get it all out, even if it's to strangers on the internet. We are strangers, but in a way, we do know each other due to our experiences. I wish you could see my physical therapists, I cannot say enough good about them. Mine have gone out of their way for me (which is more than most doctors i've seen have done). They have even examined me and gave me a program for my ankle problems and I wasnt even there for that. When theyve seen me in alot of pain, theyve given me free stim and heat, etc...They gave me a referral to a good spine surgeon and a podiatrist who finally diagnosed my ankle problems. I would refer anyone I know that neeRAB PT to go to mine as they are absolutely wonderful. I guess it's just like doctors. There are many that dismiss you quickly when some tests show all is ok. Many don't seem to care. Sometimes it takes a while to find a good one. So maybe you should also look for a new PT, someone that really wants to help you.

I also worried about losing my job, but my dept. boss and co-workers were very understanding. However, I did lose my job b/c my company went out of business. Now i'm worried about finding a new one, although mentally I think im faring pretty well b/c I think i have other things that are distracting me. I got let go in mid Jan. and was hoping to find a new job by now, before my ESI's wear off completely, but that didnt happen. If i end up in alot of pain again, all I can do is make it clear to an interviewer that I can still do a job.
 
It is great to have this board to vent to people who understand. That is the key for me. I felt that no one understood what I was going through. And when I tried to explain to people who didnt understand, I was just left feeling more frustrated. Having a 5 month old and a 24 month old put additional pressure on me to provide. My sick days were running out and conservative methoRAB to relieve my pain were not working. I was having unhealthy thoughts about going on. Yes, my family doc put me on Lexapro and that helped. I don't "fantasize" about unhealthy resolutions to my dilemma. I got motivated enough to go see a spine doctor and tell him I am ready for surgery. It is as if that getting myself well is my new job in life and I have to manage my recovery. That means "firing" people and hiring new ones to replace them.

My prayers are with you and your family. There is no need for you to apologize.

Brett
 
scooter, i just had to comment,you need to maybe find another pt that can work with you if you haven't good one are out there that will help and see your frustuartion and anxiety. I am one of many that have struggled with such not getting much relief and we have to keep pushing for this and that,keep your chin up sand i am not far from you i can totally relate to the cold,theres no way around it! Take care,
Monkey
 
you can come here to vent moan cry or anything you want i know i do and it really helps alot. We are all here to listen.
 
Thank's for all the replies. I fare pretty well most of the time, but there just comes a point when I have to let it go. I see many people every day that have far worse problems than myself and I just have to thank God that I have what I have, and take it day by day, sometimes minute by minute. I'm just going to keep on pushing and hope for the best.
Take care,
Steve
 
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