Soon to be in-law's don't know what to do!!!! Help?

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Jen D

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Ok, so the wedding is in June and my soon to be mother in law has clearly said they don't have money to really help us out. She did say that they want to give me the bridal shower. My sister was going to do so but then she told my sister she wanted to do it. Also my dad's longtime girlfriend who's been helping me with everything too was helping. So, today my sister spilled the beans that they've been communicating back and forth, how my MIL has been calling my dad my sister and gf trying to figure stuff out. My sis knows what I want, and his gf just threw her daughter a bridal shower so she's really fresh on the wedding planning....
So my MIL says she wants to have it at her house and can have 15 people......they were like........15 people there will be way more than that, plus I thought we wanted to have it at a "place" she told them she has a budget. Now it seems everyones butting heads.......well, I am not sure because I didn't hear the convo's but now everyone thinks she weird.

Also, grooms parents pay for the rehearsal dinner, she hasn't said a word about it. I don't even know if she knows that traditionally they pay. MY dad is paying for everything. And even I am chipping in. It's just like.... she has a budget, which is acceptable.....I am not complaining. I'd be grateful for whatever she can help but I don't know how to tell her about the rehearsal dinner, because I really don't think she can afford both. What do I do?
 
What are you talking about? You should just had a simple wedding and have something major later. This is suppose to be something to bring both families together not apart. Talk them about this situation.
 
Honestly, there is no tradition anymore. I know I will not have much help with my wedding from either side. We (my fiancee and I) will be footing 98% of the bill. You should do the same if your plans are out of your families budget.

Don't take this personally,but most people pay for their own weddings nowadays. I don't understand how people assume their parents should anyway.
 
sorry hon, YOU and your FIANCE pay for the wedding the two of you want; his parents and your parents are under NO financial obligation to pay for a darn thing......if the you and your fiance cannot afford to have the wedding the TWO OF YOU want, then you scale back or wait....no one owes you a dime for you to get married
 
My advice would be for you as the Bride to stay out of it. That being said, let your sister handle this one.

Since she (your sister) was originally going to plan the bridal shower, have her speak to your mother-in-law and say something like:
"listen, I already have the guest lists together, have the invitations picked out, and know of a great place that my sister said she would love that i'm going to look into booking. Why don't I just finish what i've already started, and perhaps you could take care of the rehearsal dinner since usually that's what the groom's side does..."

Have her see how your future MIL reacts to that. That way she'll continue to take care of what technically was her job (i'm assuming she was your maid of honor) anyways, and at the same time she gave your MIL another "job" to take over so that she won't feel left out of the experience, and she'll feel more in place because traditionally it's typical for the groom's side anyways.

But understand, if this works out and she goes along with it, you need to let her do what she wants then with the rehearsal dinner, and let her stick to the budget she says she has.

Good luck.
 
Throw tradition out the window. These days, nobody is required to pay for anything. Any help that you receive from your family or his should be considered a gift.

You also should not be involved in the planning of your own shower. If you told your soon-to-be MIL that she could throw it, you're just going to have to let it be up to her. All of the important people will be at your wedding, anyway. I personally am not into showers, it's just a way to get more gifts.

As far as the rehearsal dinner, start planning it yourself. Plan to actually pay for it yourself, too. Then you can throw it into casual conversation with her, and if she offers to chip in then you'll have her help.
 
I think you're being a little TOO traditional. Where in the law or in the rules of marriage does it say that parents have to pay for a single thing? After all it is YOURS and your MAN'S wedding, not theirs. I think you should just leave it as is. Isn't the main thing that your man is at the alter and you have your husband at the end of the ceremony? I think these days too many people are forgetting what marriage is truly all about. Forget the expenses and just be happy to marry the man you love. Stop being so materialistic.
 
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