Someone help me, I feel so sick?

[luvbug]

Okay, I have depression. I've had it for a few years now. I was never properly diagnosed because I never talk about it. I don't want to talk about it. And I'm afraid to trust anyone. Not even my closest and most trusted family and friends. I have cut myself off from everyone. I feel like jumping off a bridge. My poor little dog is ill. My mother is sick. My father is verbally abusive. And I can't cope. I just can't! I need help. But The only time I ever saw a psychiatrist, it was a child psychologist. She spoke to me like I'm a naive little girl who knows nothing of the world. I feel like an adult. I've always been mature for my age, and now, I feel as if my childhood was wasted. I apologize for everything I do. The boys in my class throw things at he, make jokes, and say demeaning things to me. I feel as though my friends are too young to understand my problem. My best friend is a year younger - even though she's in my year level. And I'm so paranoid about stuff. I see clowns and I cry. I hate garden gnomes. But most of all, I fear the supernatural. My life seems to be drifting downhill. I don't know what to do. If anyone can help me, I'm ready to hear anything.