Some more lyrics (rip em apart)

[Chappy21]

Chorus:
Could you make it
If nobody could see you
Could you make it
Would you sit and beg too?
Could you make it
With nowhere to go
Could you make it
Without a home

A woman came by our place
With three kiRAB and a hard face
They had bags collecting cans
One of them without some pants
I wonder if at night she cries
Cuz her kiRAB wont have nice lives
And she still looks in their eyes
Before they sleep and she lies

CHORUS

Saw a man sleep in the park
And I thought my life was hard?
He doesn't eat everyday
Smokes some crack to feel ok
He feels some peace when he's high
But he's dying otherwise
Sometimes men give up the fight
Take a glimpse and you'll see why

CHORUS

 

[Fawnish]

i think you need to broaden your vocabulary, that might be why the lyrics come off as trite.

 

[Audrie....♥]

Ok, thanks for the advice.

 

[Hott S]

dont constrain yourself to the verse/chorus/verse/chorus/bridge/chorus format of songs... if you want to go off in another direction, go for it.

 

[Rubber]

keep it up too, dude.