So what happens when its all over.

[grimeville05]

almost all my life I've been depressed and haven't even known till today I was in a library looking at a medical book about depression. It didn't make sense to me I've got every symptom in there I can't sleep that much lots of problems with it but sometimes I sleep to much. I can't concentrate that well, I've always felt worthless but accepted it, I've always had negative thoughts but I learned to live with it. I don't eat a lot I just can't I use to eat more when I was 7 years old then I do now, I get irritated really easy but I thought everyone was like that and you just had to deal with it. I have thoughts that life isn't worth living that i should just die sometimes I criticize myself everyday about little things and feel guilty about nothing it even said in the book if you have that seek help immediately. I've also been a huge alcoholic and Marijuana user sense I was 10, But it's not the fact I'm depressed is why I'm typing this Its about what happens after I'm done being depressed. It's like a part of me it helped me create my personality loosing it would be like loosing a soul part of me.

When it's gone (which is very much a possibility that's going to happen) who will I be a normal person like everyone else or a confused man. Will my friends and family see me as different. Will the sad and sorrowed face disappear will the dead look in my eyes disappear matter of fact will I disappear after this. Will my amazing intelligence about the death, life, spirituality, poetry, politics and the way I see people think just flow away with it?.

All my I'm trying to ask is what will happen to me after this or do I even want it to happen