So Lost

S

Shining Star

New member
I am new to here as of today.
Where do I begin...I have been with my boyfriend for 1.5 years. I just found out that he is into coke and small time dealing.
My head says kick him to the curb but my heart tells me different.
He said he wants to quit but then says he doesn't know if he can.
I feel I have been totally lied to for all this time.
I love him dearly like no other but can I ever trust him again and how can I live day to day wondering if he is going to get caught?
I told him I will stand by him if he wants to get help.
How much time should I give him to decide and what hurts the most is that he isn't willing to put me or "us" before this issue.
Of course I can't tell anyone because I don't want them telling anyone else.
I am so mad, hurt and confused. This is almost like a death to me. Has anyone ever had this issue or can anyone point me in the right direction?
 
Hi

I am sorry for the hurt you are enduring. The boyfriend can not put "us" before the drugs because he is an addict and addicts are selfish. We forget about others in our consuming thoughts of the drugs.

Before you worry about helping him, I believe you need to help you. Love alone is wonderful, but does not cure an addict. Help for you can be found at an Al-Anon or Nar-Anon meeting. There are skills and tools to help you cope with this as you make a decision about staying or leaving. People at these meetings have been where you are and share their stories. Be brave and go to a meeting if you truly desire to help. The same as you want Boyfriend to seek help, you must also.

Wishing you well
reach
 
Hi hun. Im so sorry your going through this. Im so sorry that you've been hurt.
Unfortunately i have been in the exact same situation. My ex told me he was only dealing crystal meth small time etc and it was all a lie from the beginning. I wont go into it all but it wasnt long before the drug started coming before me. I lived day to day wondering if he was going to get caught and the day came when he did. He's been done twice since then and is now serving 15 years inside. I tried to talk him into giving the drugs up but in the end it was falling on deaf ears. The only person that could make him give up was himself no matter how much i begged him. As a result of standing by him i ended up an addict myself. 11 years. If your boyfriend wants to give up it will be if and when he's ready and not a moment before. I know its going to hurt to break away from him but for your own sake you have to look out for yourself. Dont go down this road with him its too dangerous hun. Im sorry if im raving on but i honestly have been down this road and it was the most horrible, heartbreaking and regretful thing i have ever done. Your boyfriend will sort himself out if and when he's ready hun. Please look out for yourself first. Its not being selfish or unfaithful - please at least think about it.
I hope you find some help on this board hun. Let us know how you get on. We are all here for you. Im so proud of you for asking for help.
Stay strong hun
Rach :wave:
 
Hi shining star, easy answer, hard to do! This is what you tell him. 1)You must choose between the drug and me. 2) if you choose me I will help you and then you help him by getting him to the right people, together 3) if you do not choose me I will turn you in and your dealer in (you may need to do some detective work) 4) if you choose me and help and you do not hold to it then I will turn you in as I said before.
This is a time for decisions and then action. To often we hesitate, when we know what is right, for fear of loosing what we think we have.
YOU HAVE NOTHING TO LOOSE BECAUSE YOU DO NOT HAVE WHAT YOU THOUGHT YOU HAD.
At this point you only have the possibilities to gain what you THOUGHT you had.
Good luck. Many blessings. Stand tough.
 
I have to agree with SUBTRAIN and the others - you have to tell him to make a choice. I purposely let this post go by yesterday because I didn't know what to say, but you have to be strong and make him make the choice. What do you have if you come home one day and find out that he was caught dealing and is in jail? Where are you then? How are you going to deal with that?

I hope that you make the right decision and it works for you. Good Luck!!!
 
I agree as well - You have to give him an ultimatum. When addicts are faced with this, they have the opportunity to see what the drug is doing to them. It may help the addict to see what life used to be like, and what the outcome may be if they choose to continue and not get help.

I also agree with Reachout - find an al-anon meeting in your area. It will give you a better overview of how to deal with your loved ones.

Good luck,
emsmom
 
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