So how do I break the news gently?

S

SoAZ Gal

New member
I think I made a mistake by letting someone into my life that is completely turning me into mush. I had my life all worked out for the most part. I had my system and things worked for me quite well. I am single and yes I will admit I was looking to meet men with admirable qualities and so I met a guy who is 10 years older than me. He treats me well, we have a lot in common and on our first outting together he breaks the news to me that he has no job. I was not surprised due to the economy and more and more people are losing jobs these days so I figured we could play this by ear and see where things go. He is a nice man and is very polite (by that says please and thank you...basically has manners) but he has now assumed that because I enjoy hanging out with him that I am interested in a romantic sense and I am not. He has announced to half the people that I know that we are dating and are in a "relationship". I don't know how to take this. I like him, but not enough to be his "girlfriend". I am not really even attracted to him and that I know is sad to say. I guess I just take pity on the fact that most of his family has died and he really is the only one left so he has basically no one. He is, in a sense, starting over again. I know he wants to be in a relationship with me and he has made that abundantly clear as to what his intentions are...the thing is I am not completely comfortable.

Not only that but I have made plans with a good friend of mine who lives in the next state over and I have not seen her in over a year. We had planned that I would travel to her house next weekend and we could hang out and get caught up on our lives...do girl things and just basically hang out together for the weekend. She has opened her home to me for a place to stay. Now this guy has basically told me that he is going with me and that I should not travel alone...that he would worry. I am thrilled that he cares about my well being, however I have traveled to my friends home alone before and so I am completely comfortable with taking the trip. Then he told me that he would like to just get out of town for a weekend and do something different even if its only for a day he would be happy. It sounds to me that he wants to have a free trip since we would be using my gas, my vehicle and in essence...my money since he is without any income. I have told him that my friend wants me to go alone and he asked if he could ride there with me and then he would go to his friends home and stay there. Now if I do that then I will have to drive over an hour out of my way to take him to his friends house and then drive an hour back in the opposite direction to get to my friends house. NOT TO MENTION...do the whole thing over again when it is time to return home. I am not about to hand over my vehicle to this guy and I don't want my plans to be horned in on. How can I tell him that I just want to go to my friends house and that I don't want him to go with me? I don't want to hurt his feelings because I know he means well, but I am feeling a bit smothered. I just want my plans to be left alone.
The thing about this is he is really what I have always looked for in a guy...on the surface. However other things bother me...like him being unemployed (that is a big thing) and also that he seems so insecure. I know that he has been through a lot losing his family and all, which would cause him to be so protective of me...I can't help but think if things were different would I be be more open to a relationship? I don't want to cut my chances off completely with him, but I am tired of always having to reaccomodate my plans.
 
Wow that's quite a predicament there, huh.

First off, it seems like your emotions on this subject are very developed and you know exactly how you feel. Sometimes its best just to set someone down and talk to them about what's going on, even if it might hurt their feelings. It's better to do this sooner (as in now) than later because they might feel as if they were being "led on" and then the chances of a continued friendship are riskier.

If I were you, I would tell him something along the lines of "I think there has been a miscommunication," and explain how you are not prepared for a relationship right now. Then I would just let him know that you appreciate his concern, but you do not feel comfortable taking such a long trip with him while you are on your way to a "girls only" weekend. Make sure he knows you appreciate the concern. Maybe you could suggest he spend the time that you're away looking for a job, then maybe next time you'll reconsider taking him =P Just kidding haha.

I hope everything turns out okay for you!
 
As you go through life, remember to always put yourself first despite the circumstances.

This guy sounds persistent and it seems that he's using sympathy (th fact that he doesn't have a job etc) to cling onto you via you and your friends.

Never get involved with men who don't have jobs, they are just leeches. yes, it sounds cold, i know but its the truth because soon, he'll be using more than just your money, he'll be asking to move in with you.

the only way he'll get the message is if you tell him heads on that you only think of him as a friend and that you feel suffocated. Of course tell your friends first about the position your in and they will support you otherwise, if you you break up with him before telling them, they'll think your heartless.
 
He sounds REALLY NEEDY! Just tell him politely kinda like you explained here, how your trip is just for you and your old friend alone. He may be well meaning, but it also sounds totally ANNOYING! Stick to your convictions, or you may have a very un-satisfying trip! Esp. since you don't even have a crush, or like this guy in that way!!
Good luck! You'll meet other guys that you'll click with, don't worry. Have a nice visit with your friend catching up! :)
 
i would just go up to him and be like im really sorry but you need to tell your friends we are not going out also tell him that you would love to be his friend but nothing more and that you dont want him controlling your life. i know that sounds harsh but you need to get the record straight and tell him how you feel.
good luck
xoxo
 
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