Soo, I'm just gonna tell you guys the story, I'm no so much looking for an answer, because I know there is none, but just tell me your opinions or what you would do.
Four years ago I met a girl. I INSTANTLY like her the whole year I was head over heals for her. I just kept it casual for that year, not asking her out or anything, just friends (I had the intention that she liked me though).
Second year: We are GOOD friends, tell each other everything, get close, we aren't scared of people getting the wrong intention of us, we are just simply us. But then towards the middle of the year, I meat a girl. I didn't really like her, but she was pretty and I felt something. So, I get a girlfriend, she gets a boyfriend, and we are happy couples. Well, her boyfriend is a real dick; and I'm not just saying that because I like her, he is an actual dick. So I begin to kinda "rear off" I stop texting her, hanging out, basically only talking to her in person. then eventually we both break up with our so called "loves" and we get back together.
Now she is currently my " Best Friend" but I know she and I had something.... I just can't start anything at all, and I feel depressed because she is the only girl I notice, the only one I truly feel when we are close, and the only one I ever think about.
Every time I think of this, I ask myself if it would be easier to be gay, then to keep the pain I feel. But I know I'm not gay, ha, it's just stupid of me. I know for a fact that I like her, but now I have lost her, now I know there is a hole that cannot be mended, it can't be a friendly situation anymore.
This is why I have have asked her to meet me. I told her one of her friends may join us (just to make it seem like It's not a date or anything that she might be uncomfortable with, but it was just an offer)
she says "no, we can just go if you want"
but the thing is, I don't know if I can be alone with her anymore, without screaming in agony that she is the only one I possibly can FEEL anything arround. There is only one way to fix this, but it's out of mind. I feel like i'm in an endless loop.
Four years ago I met a girl. I INSTANTLY like her the whole year I was head over heals for her. I just kept it casual for that year, not asking her out or anything, just friends (I had the intention that she liked me though).
Second year: We are GOOD friends, tell each other everything, get close, we aren't scared of people getting the wrong intention of us, we are just simply us. But then towards the middle of the year, I meat a girl. I didn't really like her, but she was pretty and I felt something. So, I get a girlfriend, she gets a boyfriend, and we are happy couples. Well, her boyfriend is a real dick; and I'm not just saying that because I like her, he is an actual dick. So I begin to kinda "rear off" I stop texting her, hanging out, basically only talking to her in person. then eventually we both break up with our so called "loves" and we get back together.
Now she is currently my " Best Friend" but I know she and I had something.... I just can't start anything at all, and I feel depressed because she is the only girl I notice, the only one I truly feel when we are close, and the only one I ever think about.
Every time I think of this, I ask myself if it would be easier to be gay, then to keep the pain I feel. But I know I'm not gay, ha, it's just stupid of me. I know for a fact that I like her, but now I have lost her, now I know there is a hole that cannot be mended, it can't be a friendly situation anymore.
This is why I have have asked her to meet me. I told her one of her friends may join us (just to make it seem like It's not a date or anything that she might be uncomfortable with, but it was just an offer)
she says "no, we can just go if you want"
but the thing is, I don't know if I can be alone with her anymore, without screaming in agony that she is the only one I possibly can FEEL anything arround. There is only one way to fix this, but it's out of mind. I feel like i'm in an endless loop.