want-his-bad-romance
New member
just let it happen? I met a guy about four years ago and we hit it off right away. We went to lunch, we went to dinner, and we hung out more and more, always talking for hours. I felt attracted to him after our first conversation, but I noticed a few “red flags”. He was very attractive, clean cut, well dressed and did not seem to have any previous relationship history. Not to stereotype, but I thought to myself that he seemed a little “too good to be true”. One day, about three months into our friendship, he asked me to go shopping with him at an outlet mall that was about three hours away. I figured it was the perfect opportunity to ask him (while he was trapped in the car) – was he gay? I thought, “Who goes to an outlet mall with a girl unless they are gay or doing everything in the world to get the girl in bed? Either way, I should find out.” I put the question to him and he said that although he acts straight, he is in fact gay. I found out later that the moment I asked him was only the second time in his life that he had ever “come out” and the first time had gone very badly. Over the next few years, we have become closer and closer and I consider him my best friend. We've navigated through the death of his father, the birth of my son, his coming out process and so much more. At no point during our friendship, however, has he ever developed a sexual relationship with anyone and to my knowledge, I don’t believe he’s had a sexual relationship with anyone ever in his whole life. Recently, while we were at a bar having drinks, he said that he is sometimes attracted to women and that he’s “on the gay side of bisexual”. He then clarified that statement and said “very much on the gay side”. Of course, I am straight and cannot really help the fact that I have always been attracted to him, but I truly set this aside because I love him and I want him to be happy and whole – and I’ve always assumed he needs to be with a man to find that total fulfillment. This “bisexual” news really threw me for a loop and I feel like he may have been trying to tell me that although he is gay, he has some type of sexual feelings for me. Selfishly, of course, I wish I could love him in every way, but I don’t want to confuse him or hurt him somehow. It could be that he is just very sexually frustrated and I am the closest person in his life. I don’t want to take advantage of that. Since that conversation, over the past couple of months, we have started to get somewhat physical. I hold him while we watch TV, I caress his hair, give him long hugs and I’ve even given him quick kisses on the face and neck a couple of times. When we are out in public together, people smile at us and speak to us as if we are a couple, etc and he seems to enjoy that. I do too. Nothing has ever crossed a line into anything overtly sexual, though. Should I continue to let things inch towards a sexual relationship or should I discuss it flat out with him before anything happens? I think about him all the time now and it’s starting to drive me crazy. Like right now I should be working, but instead I’m writing a yahoo question. Argh! Help me! I’ve been able to put my sexual feelings for him completely aside for years, but they’ve popped back up again in a significant way. Should I start trying to tone down the physicality before things go too far – is that in his best interest (and mine)? I don’t want to make him question his sexual orientation or cause him psychological trauma or something. ACK! HELP!