Q
qismet_99
Guest
I was driving to my daily dose of sketching and painting, but then on the way I had this sudden attack of double confusion and anxiety, I was thinking is it worth it that I went today outside to paint, when it was actually I am going to end up doing nothing and frustrated instead because I was not good enough.
And I have this sudden attack of my decision to make art as my career when I know I never good in color composition, what if all the things I want to make won't become succesful because actually I am not good enough like I thought it would be? Drawing and painting now has become a necessity instead of a past time I often enjoy since I decided I want to be a painter, and live from it instead of becoming a civil servant like the rest of my family.
Now I see drawing and painting and the theory of anything connected to the art are something I must learn and they give me headaches, and come this one question: Should I adher to my family wishes become a boring-old-never-have-a-life civil servant-soon-to-be-a spinster and just see my so called talent just as a hobby or...follow my heart and become a painter, whether I would be succesful or not, whether I would be happy or not, but it is my own decision instead of my family and I'll be a lot happier (at least I won't be faking it that I love the job)?
And I have this sudden attack of my decision to make art as my career when I know I never good in color composition, what if all the things I want to make won't become succesful because actually I am not good enough like I thought it would be? Drawing and painting now has become a necessity instead of a past time I often enjoy since I decided I want to be a painter, and live from it instead of becoming a civil servant like the rest of my family.
Now I see drawing and painting and the theory of anything connected to the art are something I must learn and they give me headaches, and come this one question: Should I adher to my family wishes become a boring-old-never-have-a-life civil servant-soon-to-be-a spinster and just see my so called talent just as a hobby or...follow my heart and become a painter, whether I would be succesful or not, whether I would be happy or not, but it is my own decision instead of my family and I'll be a lot happier (at least I won't be faking it that I love the job)?