Should I let my 14-year-old daughter attend a dance at a former classmate's new...

J

Johnny

New member
...high school 120 miles away? My wife and I are raising our two daughters in a nice small town with a very good school. My 14-year-old daughter (our oldest) became close friends with a girl who moved away a few years ago. They have kept in touch since then through email and periodic visits by the girl to our town. The girl's step-father is supposedly abusive and her mother has tried to get away from him because of it in the past.

We have allowed our daughter to visit with this girl when she comes to our town, but we haven't allowed her to stay with her family that lives 120 miles away from us. My main concerns are the abuse that we have heard about from her mother and from her. Although it may not be sexual in nature, the guy is downright mean-spirited.

My daughter asked the other day if she could spend the weekend with this girl and go to her high school dance with her. I said no way am I going to allow my daughter to go to some dance in a school that her friend has openly said is bigoted against her (she is Filipino and it's a hick midwestern backwoods school). I told my daughter that if this girl is already being targeted with taunting by the locals, who's to say that she won't walk into some of it too? Out-of-town girls get raped by those kind of backwoods bigots.

Here is the way I see it: We don't trust this girl's abusive stepfather, we don't know any of the locals in her area, and we don't know if anyone will be chaperoning this dance. Even if there is, we don't know them and they are not responsible for the well-being of our daughter.

Is my thinking way off on this? Do you think I am being over-protective? Would you let your daughter spend the weekend with this family and attend a dance at this school? Also - if you agree with my decision - can you think of anything I can say to my daughter to convince her that I am doing the right thing by saying no?

Thanks!
 
I agree with where you are coming from but you think about where she is coming from:

she wants to be there for her friend who is not having an easy home life and who doesn't have an easy school life. she wants to make her friend happy. and she wants to see her.

try compromising liek this:
get a hotel room where this girl lives for the weekend, let your daughter AND her friend stay in the hotel with you guys drop them off and pick them up for the dance and when its over then go take them to do something fun that they want to do. it will be fun, she will get what she wants, you get a mini-vacation, you get to keep an eye on her without worrying, and your daughter will be happy, and you will save a girl from an abusive home for a weekend

that would be such a cool parent and she won;t see your motives!

=]
 
I agree with you. I wouldn't let my 14 yr old go spend anytime with a family I don't know and trust, especially when she might be in danger. I don't think you are being overprotective at all. You are being a good parent.

As for how to make her understand, ha! Good luck! Honestly, nothing you say will make her say "Oh okay! That's fine!" No matter what great reasons you have for keeping her safe, she will not understand. All she will think is that you are trying to somehow ruin her fun and friendship with the other girl. Don't worry though...she will get over it. Let her pout and cry. She will be upset. Just let her have some alone time to work through her anger. Just maybe try to get her to see her friend again soon, that might make her feel a little better.
 
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