I am 18 and have never had a girlfriend. This is by choice, but I am not gay. At the moment, I care too much about school to have a girlfriend. Many girls have told me that I am good looking, including one of my friends, who now has a boyfriend and still says she thinks I am hot. After I told her that I never want to have a girlfriend, she said that it would be a waste of my looks. It took her a little while, but she finally admitted to me that she wanted to have sex with me, and wrote about what she wanted to do, sexually, to me. I felt really awkward after and had to tell her I was not interested. There is a part of me that desires to have a woman to love me and whom I can love, who will keep me warm at night and all that, but I don't think I deserve such a good thing. I don't believe in pleasure or rewarding myself. I believe I exist solely to serve this country in some way, whether it be in politics or not. I am not an emo and am very military-like: I am clean shaven every day, have short hair, am tall and well-built, and try to walk like a soldier. Another reason that it would be good to never get in a relationship is so that I can keep all of my money to myself and not have to spend it on other people. Nobody ever did anything for me besides my parents, and I will not do anything for anyone besides them.
In a way, I really want sex and I am very attracted to the female body, but I would be unsure as to how to approach sex when/if I have to opportunity to have it and decide I want to have sex. I would be nervous and excited and because of that nervousness, I want to avoid it altogether. I don't want to be bad at it. I view romance as awkward. I do not want to become a priest either, because I do not believe in God. I have a friendly side to me, but a lot of times, I will be stoic, cold, calculating, etc. If I were a leader in history, I would probably most likely be someone like Joseph Stalin.
In a way, I really want sex and I am very attracted to the female body, but I would be unsure as to how to approach sex when/if I have to opportunity to have it and decide I want to have sex. I would be nervous and excited and because of that nervousness, I want to avoid it altogether. I don't want to be bad at it. I view romance as awkward. I do not want to become a priest either, because I do not believe in God. I have a friendly side to me, but a lot of times, I will be stoic, cold, calculating, etc. If I were a leader in history, I would probably most likely be someone like Joseph Stalin.