sex makes me feel ashamed!?

[EllaBelle]

I am in my 20's, in a committed relationship with a man I live with, and this irrational feeling is ruining our relationship! I lost my virginity at 16, and then my ex and I had a great sex-life, until we got caught by my parents. Three times. And each time they made me feel like what I was doing was dirty and wrong. And ever since then I haven't been able to shake that feeling. I am attracted to my boyfriend, and he has never tried to force me to have sex when i didn't want to. And I never really don't want to, I just feel so guilty. I just want to get over this feeling so I can enjoy sex with my boyfriend!

 

[Vera Gabriele]

You are in your 20's now.. I believe there is nothing at all dirty about sex if you love the other person.. I am sure your parents wanted to make you think twice and did use a bad way of trying to protect you at age 16 from maybe having an unwanted pregnancy as a result of having sex.. I believe that they did not mean it is dirty to have sex it was their way to protect you to have sex too early when they thought the guy was not right or that you might ruin your future by becoming a teenage mom.. I believe a lot is due to misunderstandings here and now you are in your 20's you don't live at home anymore so you have a partner you love . and he loves you.. I believe that's what parents really wanted to say.. wait until you meet someone who also respects you and his honest and trustworthy.. not just has sex with you.. with the right partner it's not at all dirty.. if you really have problems after all this and your love life suffers.. go to some councelling.. best with a female councellor or go to a sex councellor together with your partner.. then you will learn to understand that you can change your way of thinking.. your parents did some harm there in your way of thinking but I believe they had your best at heart at the time.. it was a huge misunderstanding.. and made you think that all sex is dirty.. which it is not if there is genuine love..I guess your parents were very protective and thought that was the only way to perhaps stop you from an unwanted pregnancy with the wrong guy as father.. so they said something that had a very negative impact on your life.. so go with your partner to some sex councelling and you will understand there is nothing dirty about it.. He will go with you if he loves you.

 

[jacko81]

Why makes you feel ashamed. Why let what has happened in the past ruin what is good right now. Go and have fun. SEX IS NOT WRONG :s::s, it is wrong to have sex with more than one partner, your parents were more worried about your safety..dey did not mean do not have sex at all ! now that you're all grown up, you can do whatever you want to do, you might be worried that your parents are not there for you to tell you what is right and what is wrong. but you are a grown up now and shoul be able to make your own decisions and walk through life on your own feet. go and have sex whenever you feel like it and enjoy !

 

[gunachin]

Try a change of scene.. take him somewhere far away for a trip far from the haunting memory of bitter past .. Hope that will do the trick..

Wide lonely sandy beaches or dense green vegetation.. whatever make you feel at ease..

 

[monny m]

try to to forget the past and live in the present.

i know easier said than done..........but there is no other way out.

or u should meet a counseller.

 

[zephyr.hawk]

This is so common - in our society we tend to be taught to be so squeamish about sex, and we associate it with sin. I think it may be because we're conditioned to hate our own animality (a repercussion of religious "spirit and matter" split)
Why not start by spending time alone, exploring and getting to like your own body? I've heard that that can help people get over that feeling about sex. And above all, make time for relaxation. Counselling can also help.

 

[Adito]

Consider what sex means to you. Does it form both a physical and mental bond with your boyfriend? Does it have it's place in your relationship without dominating it? If you can answer yes to both of these then you have nothing to be ashamed of.

Why don't you talk to one of your parents about this? Whichever one you're most comfortable with is fine. Tell them how it made you feel when they degraded you like that. They were just trying to protect you until you were able to have sex in a committed relationship (like you are now). They tried to do this by scaring you. Obviously this was wrong but a parents job is a hard one and they only had your best interests in mind. I bet if you discuss it with them now they'll "give you permission" in a sense and you'll have nothing to be ashamed of... Not that you should be ashamed at all but this is an easy way past it.

Sex is a incredible expression of love. Always keep that in mind when these feelings of guilt come up. It doesn't matter what sex is to other people. It doesn't matter that SOME people use sex in a "dirty and wrong" way. What matters is what it means to you and the relationship you're in.

 

[southdown]

Talk to your doctor about it.
I don't think its a big deal,but it wont hurt to talk it over with someone.
At your age you should be enjoying every part of life.
Go for it !.