Sex life has gone to the dogs.....?

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naughtychappie

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OK so the story goes like this. We've been married for 19 years and have two children aged 12 and 10. We had a fairly good sexual relationship from the outset, which did not always include intercourse. After the Pill scare, my wife decided to come off oral contraceptives and we thought it would be a good opportunity to start a family. That first childbirth experience was painful and required stitches. Unsurprisingly she wasn't that keen on intercourse for quite some time afterwards, what with the memory plus the effort in bringing up baby. So no sex for several months and when we did restart, it involved using condoms. Frequency dropped to maybe once every three months. I can pinpoint the date and time of our second child's conception as by that point, sex was that infrequent and it was the next occasion when we opted for unprotected sex.

After our son was born, the sex thing took a further nose dive and never recovered. We've just gone for 14 months without any sexual contact. The reason ? well every time I try to suggest anything I'm pushed away. The usual excuse is 'I'm too tired' , regardless of time of day. I've tried cuddles, kisses (Oh, we are reduced to pecks), massage (non-sexual). Nothing seems to work. I just get accused of hassling her. She never instigates any contact, it's always down to me. I've now got to the point where I've resorted to having the odd fling, although these have been only two in number and in both cases have been short lived. It's hard to maintain a secret relationship.

So the big question is. Should I walk out ? At present I can't see things improving and I don't think it's reasonable to ask another woman to play second fiddle. But if I go, the financial impact is massive. The mortgage needs paying and the cost of raising two kids is not cheap. There is no way my income will cover the cost of the mortgage plus rent on a bedsit for me. There has to be a way out, but I can't see it.

Anyone out there got an idea ??
 
have you tried sitting her down and telling her..."look, this is not working for me, and hasn't been for a long time..you are either going to have to start being a wife AND companion again, or I am going to have to make other arrangements in my life."
It might actually work.It isn't fair to you to have to go looking for love!
If she will not work with you, divorce her!
 
If in the UK you need to get to Relate with your wife and talk this through. YA is not the place to get advice, for one side only. There has to be a very good reason why she is behaving in this manner. You need help in learning how to cope with the situation, work towards improving it and getting back together as a couple. There must be a lot of unresolved tension in your house and the kids will be suffering, even if it does not seem like they are. Good luck. If you love your wife and it sounds like you do, save the marriage.
 
have you told your wife all this?

sit down have a chat and find out what's the matter.. chat is the operative words here not a slanging match or accusations..

another thought maybe seeking professional help
 
Ick. You've cheated on her? Way to go. Perhaps she realizes you're a scumbag even though she might not know you've cheated and that's why she won't touch you. Please save her sanity and leave. I feel sorry for your kids.
 
Talk to her, Mark. Lay it on the line. The physical part of your relationship needs to change. Some counsel ling would help. But give her an ultimatum and stick to it. The financial hit will be worth it for your piece of mind.
 
You need to speak to her about this.
If she doesn't take it seriously then suggest counselling..... if that doesn't work then your only option is to end the marriage.

You need to try and put the spark back into it................ why don't you take ger away for the weekend with no kids and try and rekindle that magic.
 
How about telling her that you are so unhappy you are considering ending it but would really much rather rebuild your marriage through marriage counseling to get back the things that are lacking at this point in time. Having flings is not going to fix your problem. You are either committed to the marriage or you aren't.
 
If you want to see things improve..try walking out as a wake up call for her. Pack and just go stay with a friend for a week or so. She will either wake up and start working with you on the relationship..or it will be the beginning of a new chapter in life for you.

It's a gamble but sometimes drastic times call for drastic measures.
 
stick with it dude things will improve, stop worrying about sex and put some effort into communicating.
 
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